Advent Thoughts: Part-Time Christmas

For the past I don't know how many years - pause - actually thanks to my blog I can track it back to 2009...

So for the past eight years, I have celebrated Christmas with an Advent Activity Calendar for my kids. Each day leading up to Christmas, instead of chocolate, they pull out a note "from the elves" with an activity for the day. In early years, we did all kind of arts and crafts together to prepare for the holiday, though in recent years the activity lists have gotten a little - I hate to call it lazy but - perhaps less time-consuming? 

(I also used to blog about it. I named the blog project DeBloAdMo, riffing off of NaBloPoMo. However, just as I was always bad about daily blogging during November's National Blog Post Month, I was equally bad at daily blogging my December Blog Advent Month.)

Last Christmas, for the eighth year in a row, we put out the Advent Activity Calendar, but it was an awful month for me and Scott. We chose really easy, low-maintenance activities, and even still we ended up not doing half of them. Part of that was the busyness and excessive travel of the early days of my new job; much was due to the struggles he and I were facing as our marriage crumbled. I didn't even blog about it once, apparently. 

Some people eschew anything that brings back difficult memories. It would've been easier to leave my tree ornaments in the box and buy new ones. It would be easier to do away with old traditions and start new ones that don't remind me of the past. But the pains - and pleasures - of the past make us who we are. They are a part of our tapestry. I don't want to forget any part of my life, not like I could if I wanted to, regardless of where I am now. As I journey on through life, I want to learn from my mistakes, bask in the moments that filled me with joy and respect the obstacles I've faced that have led me to where I am now.

So in keeping with a tradition I have loved, the Advent Activity Calendar went out again this year. It was different this time, and a little weird. I only have the kids every other week, meaning the Advent calendar is only half-filled. It made planning activities easier, but it also feels like it's only Christmas part-time. The tiny empty pockets are kind of sad. (I've been trying not to look at them and see myself missing half my children's lives in those empty little pockets.) 

The feelings of being a part-time parent are difficult to describe. There are pluses and minuses. I would be totally lying if I didn't say I really enjoy having some time to myself. I like having a quiet house, and I love being able to clean a room and it stay clean for a whole week. I enjoy having some free time again to do whatever I want. The freedom is pretty awesome, but I recognize this isn't how it's meant to be. I hate feeling like I'm missing out on time with my children. I hate that they are making memories every other week without me, and making memories without their dad on my weeks. The house gets too quiet sometimes, and I find myself wandering around at a loss for what to do and missing the delight of seeing life through those three pairs of child-sized eyes. It's an indescribable feeling, enjoying being alone and hating being alone.  If I think about it too hard, well, I just get upset over the whole thing.

But ever the optimist, I look at the bright side. When the kids come back to my house after a week away, I am excited to see them again. My patience tank is full. My appreciation for their little quirks is in full swing. My tolerance for their messes is higher, knowing that I'll just clean everything up in a week, and it'll be okay. I am energized and rested and ready to be their mummy full time and to the best of my ability. That's got to be a good thing! And when the week is up, and I'm starting to feel the strain and stress and frustration of being a single mum, they go to a rested, patient, excited-to-see-them daddy. So despite only getting half the month of December with them leading up to Christmas, I've been able to have a lot more fun with them this year, especially with our activity calendar.

Here's what the elves had lined up for this 2017 Advent season:

5 – Drive through Sherwood Forest to look at Christmas lights.

6 – Check email message from Santa. 

7 – Eat dinner by candlelight. 

8 – Drink hot chocolate with marshmallows. 

9 – Cut out snowflakes and hang them around the house.

10 – Choose toys to donate and go see a Christmas movie at the cinema.

11 – Have a sleepover after school with Mimi and Poppi.

19 – Make reindeer food.

20 – Eat Christmas pancakes in pajamas for dinner.

21 – Film a Christmas video for family and friends in Scotland.

22 – Wrap presents to put under the tree.

23 – Make gingerbread men for the Christmas tree.

24 – Go to a carol service, then put out snacks and reindeer food for Santa’s sleigh team!!

Our first week was a lot of fun. The kids were bouncing in their seats and singing "All I Want For Christmas" at the top of their lungs as we drove through the Christmas lights display at Sherwood Forest. Jaguar still believed his email message was actually from Santa (even though Santa pronounced his name wrong) and had the most magical sparkle in his eye as Santa talked directly to him. We enjoyed hot chocolate with gigantic marshmallows for breakfast. (Bad idea, folks, bad idea right before school - they were so hyper!) We went to see Coco together - not a Christmas movie, but one we all LOVED. And last night they spent the night with their grandparents (a total cop-out since I had to travel for work that day, but still looked on as a mid-school-week adventure). 

Confession: We forgot to light the candles for dinner on the 7th. And we have yet to cut out the paper snowflakes. Both of these oversights will be remedied. And as for the toy donation, my youngest refused to part with ANYTHING, so one of the benefits of part-time parenting is I have all week to sort through their toys for them, and they will never notice anything has left the building.

Yes, it feels sad to have those empty pockets, representing little days and precious memories I'm missing out on. In an ideal world, sure, all the pockets would be full. But we make of the world what we choose to make it, and we're making it the best we can for ourselves and for our children. I'm thankful my kids get their daddy as much as they do. I'm happy I get them as much as I do. I'm glad that he and I get along well enough that the kids still get both of us together fairly regularly. The twenty-four days leading up to Christmas this year may be split in half, but Christmas day will be whole, as all five of us open presents together, first at my house then at their dad's, in our new different-kind-of-family way. We know that our new different-kind-of-family will likely morph and grow over the years, that new traditions will develop and some old traditions will fade away. One day all of those pockets will be empty, come to think of it, as the kids grow up and abandon their childhood games. So I'm grateful for the time I have with our kids, grateful for the time they have with their dad, and I'm grateful for the time I get to recharge my own batteries every other week.

It feels like in closing I should say something about when life gives you lemons, but instead, since it's Christmas, let me just say that when life gives you broken eggs, you gotta look on the bright side and make eggnog. 

Though it doesn't hurt to double the rum.

This Too Is Gonna Pass

"If you can keep it together, just keep it together, you're fine, 

because one way or another, for better or for worse, this too is gonna pass."

-Quiet Company "On Ex-Husbands & Wives"

I love holidays, all holidays. Despite how commercialized they've all become, they all give me a thrill, and I love celebrating them. All year long - Valentine's Day, Easter, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hogmanay (New Year's Eve) - I look forward to participating in whatever traditional, cheesy festivities accompany each upcoming holiday.

This year, however, has been a year full of really hard holidays, for it was the first year of celebrating each holiday without a husband. 

I haven't talked much about my divorce here. For nearly the entirety of this blog's existence, it was Scott-and-Lori. Scott and I started dating only months after I started blogging in 2003, and he's been a main character ever since. Moving it away from scottandlori.co.uk/.com was a weird transition, and I haven't really known where to go with it since. (Thus the "in flux" bit.) A lot has happened in our lives this year that didn't feel appropriate to share publicly, and especially not here, where our relationship has been hosted for its entire existence.

But it's been almost a year (in fact, it's been pretty much exactly a year since the break-up started, though it wasn't made public until a few months later) and at some point me and my blog have to move on.

Last year, Scott and I celebrated Christmas and New Year together, but by the end of January, Scott had moved out, and come February I was faced with my first annual holiday without him. 

This was my first Valentine's Day as a single woman in thirteen years. I tried to act grossed out by all the pink and red hearts and balloons and flowers splattered across every shopping center like a murdered cupid, but deep down it was a deeply painful season. Scott, knowing how much I love holidays, especially Valentine's, brought me flowers that afternoon, despite the rawness and ugliness of everything going on at the time. It was a gesture that foreshadowed the sensitivity and graciousness with which we would strive to handle this whole separation and divorce thing in the months (and presumably years) to come. 

We decided around Memorial Day that until further notice, we would just celebrate holidays together as a family, and that's how we've done it since. Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, and most recently Thanksgiving have all been shared with the kids and with each other. It's been the single most important thing for us that the kids feel secure and safe, and while there's always the risk of the kids harboring hope that we'll get back together, we feel keeping a close co-parenting, family-of-a-different-kind relationship has got to be better for them than separating our entire lives and never crossing paths with each other. We're still a family and always will be one. Just a different kind of family.

But of all the holidays we've survived this year, Christmas is without a doubt going to be the hardest. It's a time of year oozing with memories, mostly wonderful but now bittersweet at best. As has always been the tradition, I put up our Christmas tree yesterday, the day after Thanksgiving, and not surprisingly, it produced a lot of emotions.

We don't have a "pretty" Christmas tree. We don't have matching baubles or sprigs of holly or fancy bows. We have a vast array of mismatched ornaments that each carry with them some kind of sentimental value. We have ornaments from our very first Christmas together, multiple "baby's first" ornaments, ornaments that were gifts from various loved ones, Lolly's birthday ornaments (with a birthday a week before Christmas, it became a tradition early on to give out ornaments as party favors every year) and the annual selections for each member of the family that we choose every year based on what the kids (and sometimes the grown-ups) are interested in. There are memories attached to just about every single thing we hang on the tree.

I knew decorating the tree this year was going to be difficult, so I braced myself for an onslaught of emotions when I opened the red plastic Christmas decorations tub. Even still, there was no way to be totally prepared for the intensity of feels that came with handling each ornament and recalling the associated memories. Perhaps the saddest one was the ornament labeled "McFarlanes 2016" - a gingerbread family with all of our names etched on them.

I remember receiving that gift last year (from my mother, I believe) and feeling a rush of regret - no one really knew what we were going through yet, and as I looked at this ornament, I recalled thinking how sad it was that quite possibly by next year we wouldn't be that family anymore. And sure enough, we aren't.

It's hard to explain the feelings that all of this year's holidays have brought, especially this season. How do I adequately explain all the mixed emotions that I've felt, especially when I barely understand them myself? 

It would be natural for one to assume that I wish my marriage hadn't fallen apart, but the truth is I don't feel our decision to end our marriage was wrong. I don't think Scott thinks so either. We don't long to be back together, but there is still this feeling of ... regret? failure? a dream lost? grief? 

We never intended our marriage to end this way. We thought we'd be together forever. We believed in marriage, we believed in everlasting love. To not achieve that goal feels like a massive failure. Furthermore, we have a family that we never intended to split up. Breaking up our family is the biggest failure I can conceive of committing. I look back on everything we did wrong and wonder if we could've done something sooner to salvage the relationship. But the reality is, people change. Neither of us are the same people we were when we said I Do. We did a good job of trying to grow together and change together, but in the end it wasn't enough. Calling it quits when we did meant we could go on as co-parents and friends, but it still feels like we failed. Honestly, it mostly feels like *I* failed. For the truth of the matter is, it was me that messed everything up and brought the marriage to its end. 

Yet for all the regrets and mistakes, I still believe we've made the right choice. I try not to speak for Scott anymore, but I think it's safe to say we're both happier now, even though there's still a lot of sadness too. Divorce causes a slough of emotions, both sad and happy. It would be an incomplete picture to only paint one part of that. So yes, this year has been a hard one for me. But the year has also been a good one. A really good one in many ways, while also being extremely painful in others. Blue skies and gray skies. How do you explain those mixed emotions and mixed experiences coherently? I'm still not sure I understand it myself.

Writing about it has been rather off-limits, even though the limits are mostly self-imposed. It's still raw sometimes, and I haven't felt comfortable publicly sharing things so deeply personal. Yet I love blogging, and while I've written many things for my own eyes only, not blogging about about the things that are most real in my life has felt like cutting off an appendage. So this coming year, while I will still probably keep many things to myself, I've decided it's time to allow myself to blog about my life again. It'll be difficult to sort through what is shareable and what is not, but at some point I've got to be able to move on and write again.

In the meantime, I've got one last holiday season to get through as a first time single woman and mother. With it will come tears and regrets just like with the other holidays, but this particular time of year will be harder than all the rest. What's comforting though is I'm not going through it alone. Scott and I may not be a couple anymore, but we are still a family, and we've committed to continue doing this life thing as friends. With the support of our families and friends, we will do just fine, even when life is at its hardest. 

The Pajama Fairy

Fifi is screaming, "THE PAJAMA FAIRY WAS HERE!!!!" She's running down the stairs screaming to everyone, "GO CHECK YOUR BED!" Jaguar is wide-eyed, open-mouthed, leaning out of his bedroom door, excitedly telling me, "Majaba Bairy!" Lolly is squealing.

I began telling the story of Penelope the Pajama Fairy for about six years now. I came up with the idea after hearing a radio program about unique family Christmas traditions. One woman said when she was a child, her mother would clean all the sheets and make all the beds and give every child a new pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve, to wake up on Christmas morning with a clean start. My wee girls were super into fairies at the time, and thus the Pajama Fairy was born.

Every year, at some point on Christmas Eve when the kids are out, Penelope, the fallen tooth fairy, stops by with clean sheets (sometimes they are even brand new) and a new pair of pajamas for everyone to wear on Christmas Eve night. She makes the beds and lays the new pjs out for the kids to discover when they get home.

In the McFarlane house, the Pajama Fairy is a big deal. She might even be a bigger deal than Santa.

Fifi has been begging me to write the story down for a couple of years now. So this year, I did. Maybe one day I'll find an illustrator and eventually put the story in print.  It's still in draft form, but for now, enjoy a little McFarlane family tradition and feel free to adopt it and make it your own!

Everyone yell, "PAJAMA FAIRY!"

The Pajama Fairy

***

Penelope is sad.

She is a sad fairy.

Penelope is a tooth fairy. Or was.

She is sad, because she is not a tooth fairy anymore.

The thing is, she was not very good at being a tooth fairy.

For one, she was always getting lost. 

One time the address on the Tooth Pick-Up List said 201 North Walnut Street.
Penelope got mixed up and went to 201 South Walnut Street.

Instead of collecting Jonah Rodriguez’s bottom front incisor, she returned to Toothtown, Fairyopia with grumpy old Mr Pollock’s false teeth that were soaking in a jar next to his bed. She thought she’d won the jackpot with all those teeth!

Luckily for Jonah, his grandma discovered the tooth still under his pillow the next morning and replaced it with a coin of her own. She was unhappy with the tooth fairy though.

Unluckily for Penelope, the Toothtown’s legal council, Molar, Molar & Smith, had to settle the case in court when Mr Pollock sued over his “stolen” teeth.

Another thing is she was always running late.

Once she was a whole day late. Eden Martin woke up the next morning expecting a coin under her pillow and found her tooth still there. She cried all day and stopped believing in tooth fairies at once.

Penelope got in BIG trouble for that one.

Finally, she is always counting money wrong.

The worst time was when Penelope accidentally gave Elizabeth McDonald two coins and had no money left for Ollie Baker.
She left Ollie an acorn instead with a note explaining the mix up. Ollie decided tooth fairies were not worth the trouble and told his whole kindergarten class to stop leaving  teeth under pillows. That unbalanced the entire National Tooth & Trust’s fiscal year budget.

And this is why the Board of Directors finally fired Penelope.

And this is why Penelope is sad.

You see, the reason Penelope is always getting lost and running late and losing money is because Penelope’s true calling is not collecting teeth.  Penelope’s real talent is fashion design. Pajama fashion, to be exact.

When Penelope should be checking the daily Lost Tooth Alert System  for collection assignments

or studying the maps of neighborhoods (to make sure she stops at the RIGHT houses)

or learning how to count out the correct value of coins per tooth in math class

Penelope is doodling frilly nightgowns or practicing new stitches or calculating how many yards of fabric it takes to make a pajama set.  Despite her mistakes in counting coins, she is very good at counting inches and centimeters.

Penelope was not a good tooth fairy.

But she is good at other things.

It’s also worth noting that Penelope is not sad because she got fired.

Penelope is sad, because she loves the children.  Penelope has a good heart.

When she thinks of Eden and Jonah and Ollie and Elizabeth, a tear slips down her cheek. She will never see them again.

Or will she?

Penelope has an idea!

Penelope quickly starts to sew.
She knows that Eden loves spaceships, and Ollie loves cats.
She knows Jonah’s favorite color is purple, and Elizabeth likes polka dots.

She knows which children like fleece and which ones like satin. 

She knows who prefers nightgowns, and who likes pajamas with feet.

Lovingly, Penelope designs and sews each of the children a very special, unique pair of pajamas.

It takes her all year to get everything just right.

Finally, it is Christmas Eve.  Penelope is ready. She gets special permission from the Fairy Transport Office to view the neighborhood maps again. She wants to make sure she goes to all the right houses.

While Eden is shopping with her mother for last minute gifts, Penelope slips through the window to deliver the spaceship nightgown.

While Jonah is having Christmas Eve lunch with his grandma, Penelope lays a new pair of purple fleece pajamas on his bed. (She even made the bed for him.)

While Ollie is driving around looking at Christmas lights with his family, Penelope drapes the cat footsie pajamas over his desk chair.

While Elizabeth is in the kitchen peeling potatoes with her dad, Penelope folds the polka-dotted satin pajamas on top of the laundry pile.

With each pair of pajamas, Penelope also leaves a note apologizing for all the tooth mistakes of the past.

Penelope flies back to Toothtown, Fairyopia, and waits.

The children are all so surprised! They each read the notes as they put on their new pajamas.

Penelope’s heart beats fast and a smile spreads across her face as

Eden starts believing in fairies again.

Jonah’s grandma forgives the tooth fairy.

Elizabeth placed her extra coin under her pillow with a note that said “RETERN TO SENDER”.

Ollie promises to tell all the kids in his class to trust tooth fairies again AND to start believing in “Pajama Fairies” too.

Now Penelope has children all over the world who believe in her.
She spends all year making pajamas and delivers each pair on Christmas Eve.

Penelope has found her true calling.

Penelope is happy!
She is a happy fairy!

Penelope is not a tooth fairy anymore, but this is okay.
Penelope is now who she was always meant to be.

A pajama fairy!

Advent Thought For the Day: Christmas Chores

#DeBloAdMo

When I think of Christmas and the holiday season, I picture hot chocolate and Christmas movies on the couch, presents beautifully wrapped under a sparkling lit tree, gingerbread men and pies, family and friends.

I forget every year about the Christmas chores that make these things possible.

I forget about having to wrap all those presents, inevitably running out of tape just before I finish, and usually having to unwrap at least one because I forgot to tag it and can't remember who it's for. I forget about moving all the boxes marked XMAS out of the garage and decorating a house that has no room for all these excessive decorations. I forget about 50% of the lights purchased the year before not working, even though they have done nothing but sit in storage for a year. I forget about stringing said lights on the tree. (And for the years I use an artificial tree, I forget how much I hate building the artificial tree.) I forget about the mess of making gingerbread men with kids, refereeing fights over who gets to pour in the muscovado sugar and who gets to stir in the molasses. I forget about addressing 50+ Christmas cards and then balking at how much it costs to send most of them to the United Kingdom (or back in the day, sending them to the US). I forget about finding 24 unique and fun things for those darn elves to do every night. I forget about organizing Christmas get-togethers that accommodate everyone's various extended family schedules and still keep everyone happy. Christmas chores.

Christmas chores don't make me feel Christmasy. They make me feel tired.

But I still love Christmas. So all the Christmas chores in the world are still worth it for this one month of ridiculously gaudy decor everywhere you look, brightly lit houses in every neighborhood, more baked goods than my waistline can afford, and the look on my kids faces every morning when they see the mischief Banoffie Pie got up to overnight.

Advent Thought For the Day: One Word

Whether you celebrate Christmas as a secular holiday with trees, presents, stockings, lights, and Santa, or as a Christian holiday with trees, presents, stockings, lights, Santa, and a nativity, there is still one single word that sums up the entire Christmas season:

Love.

Love for family, love for friends, and hopefully love for others.  

#DeBloAdMo

Unless you can't stand your family, then Christmas is a bit of a mixed bag.  

But usually, you can sum it up with Love.

Advent Thought For the Day: Happy Holidays

I've been trying all evening to think of something thoughtful to write about the holiday season, but all I can come up with is this:

Don't be an arse.

I mean, it's a wonderful time of year, filled with goodness and cheer. Whether you display a nativity or a festivus pole, a tree or a menorah, just share the love.  Don't dig your heels in over the word "Christmas" and don't judge others for how they celebrate the winter season. (Remember, it's summer in Australia.) Baby Jesus or Santa, Seven Principles or Maccabees or Solstice, let's all just enjoy the holidays together in our own special ways.

Merry Christsmakkuhvuswanzaastice to all and to all a good force be with you.

#DeBloAdMo

DeBloAdMo 2015

It's the first day of December which means:

- The first day of DeBloAdMo
- The first day of our Advent Activity Calendar
- The first day of Banoffee Pie (our Elf on the Shelf)


First -  DeBloAdMo: The challenge to blog every day of Advent (December Blog Advent Month). Considering how poorly I performed in NaBloPoMo, don't expect much out of this. But consider blogging December with me as we count down the days to Christmas! Let's even give it a bloody hashtag: #DeBloAdMo

You may choose to write something thoughtful about the holiday season, the advent of Christ's birth, or just post goofy pictures of your elf. (Hands up.) Whatever you do, it's a great way to keep blogging all month long, taking a little bit of time for yourself for reflection or silliness.


Second - Our Advent Calendar List (feel free to borrow/steal any of these ideas for your family advent calendar!)

1. Send letters to Santa.

2. Call Santa (free hotline: 951-262-3062)

3. Check email for message from Santa. (www.portablenorthpole.com)

4. Stay up late and watch a Christmas movie.

5. Drive to Sherwood Forest to look at Christmas lights.

6. Make gingerbread men for the Christmas tree.

7. Film a Christmas video for Granny and Grampa.

8. Have a picnic in pajamas on the floor.

9. Choose toys to donate to charity. 

10. Hang Christmas lights in bedrooms.

11. Lolly’s Sleepover birthday party!

12. Eat dinner by candlelight.

13. Christmas breakfast with friends.

14. Go out to eat with family for Lolly’s birthday.

15. Wrap presents to put under the tree.

16. Go to Lucie’s Place Grand Opening to show our support.

17. Make a cake for Daddy’s birthday. 

18. Go on a family adventure trip to Fayetteville and see lights on the Square!

19. See new Stars Wars movie.

20. Drink hot chocolate with marshmallows. 

21. Eat Christmas pancakes for dinner.

22. Cut out snowflakes and hang them.

23. Call cousins in Texas and Scotland to say Merry Christmas. 

24. Go to a carol service, then put out snacks and reindeer food for Santa’s sleigh team!!

Third - Banoffee Pie has arrived from the North Pole!

Looks like he took a flight this year instead of driving. He must be feeling flush. We are all very excited to see what shenanigans he gets up to this year. (And by we I mean the kids. Me? I just feel tired.)

Happy Advent!

The Four Gift Rule

There's a meme going around about buying only four presents for your kids at Christmas: Something to wear, something to read, something they want and something they need.

My first response to this meme was, "Great. Another source of mompetition." I could imagine moms boasting about how little they spend on their kids at Christmas, how unmaterialistic their families are, how their kids don't EXPECT tons of presents like all the other spoiled brats in the Western Hemisphere.

I also recognized how this could be a great system for families on a budget or for families who genuinely and un-boastfully do practice simplicity and minimalism.

But it still annoyed me.

I even saw one comment that added to the mompetition wars that flaunted how incredibly goodly (and godly) she in particular is:  "We actually add one more category - something spiritual." I could practically hear the slot machine ding-ding-ding as she won that round of supermoming the rest of her opponents.

However.

After my initial annoyance, I started thinking about the basic concept of the meme, and I kind of have to admit - I didn't hate it. In a self-loathing kind of way, I actually sort of liked it. I started thinking a lot about it and dang it, it wasn't a bad idea at all.

And even more self-loathingly, I also didn't hate the concept, albeit fairly pretentious, of "something spiritual". In fact - as I control the gagging - I was a little inspired.

Ugh. I know.

But true.

Since losing all faith in a supreme being, I have definitely "shut down" any spirituality that might have been lurking. For me, religion and spirituality have always been all or nothing. As an evangelical Christian, I believed in One God, One Jesus, One Faith (One Baptism, etc). It was all or nothing. You either believe whole-heartedly that Jesus is the only way to salvation or you are lost. (Hellbound.) God isn't interested in lukewarm believers! He'd rather you be hot or cold.  (Revelation 3:16 - "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." ESV) Evangelicalism leaves no room for wishy-washy, fluffy-wuffy, when-it's-convenient faith. So when I went from being hot (a devout follower of Christ), I bypassed the lukewarm and went straight to cold. None of that "I'm spiritual but not religious" mumbo-jumbo could suffice for me.

You're either hot or cold. It's all or nothing. You're one or the other. That's how I was brought up. I became the other. The cold. The nothing.

And truth be told, I'm cool with that. ("Cold" with that, perhaps?) I don't really miss "spirituality". I don't really feel I need it. Right now anyway. I will concede that perhaps that may change in the future.  A belief in a god is unlikely, but a yearning for spirituality, I suppose is within the realm of possibility. Just not any time soon.

My friend Devon asked me about this. If instead of settling into a sort of "liberal" Christianity, one that perhaps doesn't believe in hell or who accepts gays, I retaliated against my faith and went as far to the other extreme as possible. In answer to that, yes. Probably. Christianity has always been all or nothing for me. If one takes the Scriptures literally, those two are the only options. To take Scripture non-literally seems to devalue and discredit the whole thing. (Where does the literal end and the metaphorical begin? At creation? At the virgin birth? At Christ's diety?)  Perhaps if I'd never been so hot about my faith, I might have settled for lukewarm. But that's not really a viable option. (And it hardly matters at this point when I have zero belief in any god anymore anyway.)

But back to Christmas presents. (I kind of chased after a rabbit there for a minute.)

While I personally do not feel a pressing need to reconnect with my spiritual side, that does not mean my kids should be deprived of it. Perhaps "something spiritual" isn't all that pretentious after all.

(No. It's still pretentious.)

The question then is, what is "spiritual"?

If you do a quick Google search for "spiritual", the first several pages gives you all kinds of Christian links. A search for "spiritual gifts", once you sort out the quizzes to find out if you are discerning or a peacemaker, brings up hundreds of Bible retailers, Precious Moments figurines, inspirational Bible verse calendars, Christian jewelry, and home decor crosses.

I just have a hard time understanding what decorative crosses and Precious Moments actually do to bolster one's spirituality.

Spirituality has been very much equated with Christianity in the West, and to buy someone a spiritual gift is basically synonymous with kitschy ornaments and wall hangings that have some sort of vague Biblical reference. Even when I was a Christian, I wanted to know exactly how a pack of Testamints was going to do anything to improve my life other than promise me fresher breath. (In fact, those sort of things deeply offended me, as they should any devout believer. Chocolate crosses at Easter? Seriously?!)

To me, spirituality is about connecting with ones deepest self or connecting with nature or the universe or even a supreme being. If I want to give my kids an opportunity to connect with their spirituality (whether I believe in such a thing or not), I need to first pinpoint what that even looks like.

Choosing something to wear, something to read, something they want and something they need is easy.  A new outfit, a new book (or several - I'm not committed to just four gifts), a glance at their letters to Santa, and new packs of underwear doesn't take a whole lot of contemplation. But something spiritual requires a lot more thought. A lot more introspection too.

What would I consider spiritual? Putting aside my own skepticism, I have to wonder what I think would allow them to connect with themselves or with nature or with the universe or with a supreme being.

Not being a super spiritual person now, that's hard.

But I can think of a few things that could open one up to spirituality.

Art (and the opportunity to create art)
Music (and the opportunity to create music)
Gardening
Nature walks and hikes
A telescope (for exploring the stars and planets)
Poetry
Meditation

Admittedly, packing "poetry" or "meditation" into a cardboard box and wrapping it in festive paper isn't really very practical. And trying to excite a six year old into spiritual rapture with a Mozart sonata or the works of John Donne would probably fail miserably.

But all children can start exploring spirituality with creation. Creating their own art, their own poetry, their own music, their own homegrown nature.

The tools for creation - paints, paper, an instrument - are things one can wrap up and put under the tree. These are a "something spiritual" that can be given to children as a holiday gift. And if choosing something that relates to a supreme being is important to you as well, encouraging your children to use these tools as a means of worship must be more spiritually satisfying to them than buying a white and pink Bible (that they are too young to read) or a gold cross necklace that is simply worn as an accessory.

I mean, if we're going to be so pretentious as to add a "something spiritual" to our list of Christmas presents, let's go all out then, shall we?

READERS: What do YOU consider spirituality to consist of, and what would a "something spiritual" look like under your Christmas tree?

Elf Returns to the (Back Cupboard) Shelf

Our last days of Banoffee Pie. Incidentally, Jaguar's newest word: Pie.

Day 23
Banoffee got out his dry erase marker and gave everyone red Rudolph noses all along the hall.





Day 24
Christmas Eve. The plan was to have pancakes premade in the shape of snowflakes (my mom got me a snowflake iron skillet), but I had come down with a stomach virus, so Scott - I mean Banoffee - set out the ingredients for pancakes to be made in the morning, which Scott did because he is the Pancake King.



Day 25
Christmas! Banoffee got a present from Santa.



Day 26
Banoffee, sporting his new shirt from Santa, packs to leave. (However, he is actually still on the shelf because I keep forgetting to pack him away. The kids think this is hilarious that he won't leave.)


He'll go eventually, when I get around to it. The rest of the christmas decorations are down and put away, except the Christmas wreaths and Banoffee. Maybe today. Luckily, neither of my daughters actually believe Banoffee is real, so there is no magic being lost. And the elf is proving to be a helpful potty-training device; Baby Jaguar is much more likely to sit on the potty if I let him hold "Pie" in his lap while he goes.

Poor elf.

All Over a Cup of Gingerbread Coffee

Christmas Break

The kids are off school for two weeks, and today has been a nice start to their vacation. The girlies are outside right now (in the rain) playing with the new neighbor kid, while the boy naps, and I'm sitting in a dark, quiet room drinking a cup of coffee with gingerbread creamer...

I got as far as the word "creamer" when Jaguar woke up from his nap.

Okay, start over. I'm sitting in a well-lit room, drinking a cup of coffee with Harry and His Bucket of Dinosaurs on the TV. I'm still feeling good.

We started this morning with everyone sleeping in until 7.30. Well, everyone except Fi, who played quietly her computer all morning while everyone else slept. My kids never sleep in so late, so this was pretty amazing. The girls received $5 each from Banoffee Pie this morning, so once we'd all eaten breakfast and lazily gotten dressed, I took the kids to the Dollar Tree to buy their gifts for each other. I tried to convince the girls to keep their presents for each other a surprise, but they ended up collaborating together on all the gifts, including the ones for each other. It was really cute seeing them work together, with their two little shopping baskets, picking things up, considering them, and putting them back on the shelf. After about thirty minutes (maybe longer), they had each chosen their four gifts (making sure I did not look to see what they got me) and they went through the checkout line together with their fivers. They had a dollar left over, so of course that had to be spent; they got a bag of Skittles to share amongst themselves in the backseat on the way home. (That whole "no food in my new car" thing kind of went down the drain with that one, I guess.)

They came home and wrapped up their gifts together - again, banishing me from the room. (I still sneaked a photo.) Since then, the three have been playing wonderfully together. It's been such a lovely, rainy day. They were all so behaved, I even finished my Christmas craft project that I'd been putting off finishing. I can't show a picture of that yet (can't ruin the surprise!), but hopefully I'll remember after Christmas, because I love how everything turned out!




Christmas No. 1

Yesterday was Christmas with my dad, stepmom Denise, brother, sisters-in-law and nieces. ("Sisters-in-law" makes my brother sound like a polygamist. The ladies are married to different brothers. The other brother is just currently on deployment.) We ate a delicious meal around a sweetly decorated table and opened presents. Fifi got a telescope and could not have been more exuberant. Lolly got an "American Girl" doll (aka an Our Generation Target knockoff) and has been taking her everywhere she goes. Jaguar got a Spiderman action figure that he has been HI-YA!ing with ever since and a metal POW! sign for his soon-to-be-redecorated-with-Spiderman bedroom.






All three were seriously over the moon with their new gifts. All of the other kids and the adults seemed pretty pleased with their gifts too. Scott got a shirt and two travel mugs that plug into the car's cigarette lighter to keep warm. Pretty ideal for his tea on the way to work! I got a yellow table runner that I'd had my eye on for ages (thanks, Denise!) and this....


My dad bought me George W. Bush's book about his father, 41. I, on the other hand, had bought my dad Barack Obama's book about his childhood, Dreams From My Father. My dad is a staunch Republican and I'm very left wing. (I call myself Democrat, but I'm much further left than that!) So much hilarity ensued.

Elf Update

Day 17
Banoffee Pie went through Ken's closet and borrowed a pair of shorts for some sunbathing.




Cool dude.

Day 18
The morning of Lolly's birthday, BP sort of jumped the gun and started opening one of her gifts...


Day 19
Banoffee takes a wee potty break.


Of course he poops chocolate chips. Which the kids fought over to eat. Gross.


Day 20
The kids spent the night with their grandparents, and I was at work by the time they came home. Scott tells me they weren't impressed with Banoffee's lack of creativity on this one.


Day 21
After working all afternoon and then a dinner and karaoke night out with a friend, arriving home past midnight, this is all "Banoffee" could think of.


Day 22
Idea stolen from a friend here. Banoffee gives the two older kids money for buying Christmas gifts for family.


Only three more Elf nights left... and I still have ideas left!

DeBloAdMo and Elf Somewhat Weekly Update

I have failed DeBloAdMo this year (December Blog Advent Month). Mostly because I have failed advent this year. Half of the things the children have pulled out of the advent calendar have gone undone. But we've visited a lot of Santas!

Town Christmas Festival Santa:


Pampered Chef Christmas Party Santa (and Mrs Claus):






Elementary School "Game Night with Santa" Santa:





And we saw some pretty lights at the drive-through lights display.



Banoffee Pie has been hanging around a lot too. I have now forgotten about him three times... Mum of the Year. Fortunately, Fifi always comes to the rescue. Yesterday morning, she saved my bum by having Banoffee knocked over by an avalanche of lemons. Sadly, I never got to see this before Daddy cleaned it up (it was my lie-in day). I'll have to ask her to recreate the scene for a photo.

Besides that little slip, we have found Banoffee doing the following things:

Baking Cookies (Day 10):


Playing a Strange and Kind Of Disturbing Game of Hide-And-Seek - Care of Fifi (Day 11):


Baking Again (Day 12):


Making Chalk Announcements About Birthday Parties - A post for tomorrow perhaps? (Day 13):


Reading the Sunday Paper (Day 15):


And Stealing the Last Powdered Donut - Luckily there's another bag! (Day 16 - tomorrow):

An Elf Update

Day 6:

The day I forgot the elf, and Fifi woke up disappointed and asked if she could go back to bed for a few minutes while I did something with him. (Luckily I kept last year's paper chain.)

Day 7:








The treasure hunt with *clues. Banoffee's gift of Elf on the Shelf pjs for the kids.

Day 8:




Instead of cleaning up Baby Jaguar's toys...

Day 9:


Too tired to think of anything else after a long day at the hospital with Fifi. Cue cliff hanger. (Spoiler: She's okay.)




* Christmas Indoor Treasure Hunt Clues updated from last year:

Before you do anything,
Go check your Advent letter.
I have a wee surprise for you
Run along now, friends, you better!
Love,
Banoffee Pie

Follow this clue to a very cold place,
where ice cubes and Popsicles fill up the space.
Go into the kitchen to solve this brain-teaser,
and open the door to the family’s _______.

Follow this clue to a very dark spot
Where bedding and linen and towels may be got
Go to mum’s bathroom (go there yourself)
The clue will be hidden up high on a ______.

When you're feeling less than fresh
or you want to have a laugh,
you wash and get all squeaky clean
inside a warm bubble _________.

Dora and Frozen, Spiderman too-
These are what kids like to see.
But Gilmore Girls, Scrubs and That 70’s Show
are what Mummy likes to watch on ________.

At breakfast and dinner
and lunch when we are able,
we set out the dishes and food
and we gather around the kitchen ________.

Our clothes just keep getting dirty
and we put them here to get them clean.
We like to take turns pouring in the soap
and pushing the buttons on the washing _______.

Up and down, and up and down
you climb these every day.
You've likely seen the clue on these,
but passed it anyway.

All year long these belong outside
But at Christmas you will often see
Families all over bringing just one inside
And putting decorations all over this ______.

When Mum needs a break,
You’d best not refute her --
A few moments to blog
and check up on Facebook,
She needs to play around on her __________!

This room is where your dad likes to sleep
Tiptoe very quietly in.
If you’re the first, you’ll hear the words,
“Congratulations… YOU WIN!”

OR

Be the first back to the room
where this hunt did begin
If you're the first you'll hear the words,
"Congrats, to you... YOU WIN!"