Keeping Busy, With This and That

For someone who has taken a back seat to getting involved in too many things - and I've taken, like, the very back seat of the megabus here - I've managed to still get myself very busy lately. However, this time I'm doing things I love, not things that I'm obligated to do, and oh, man that kind of makes me sound like a spoiled, pampered upper class housewife, so let me start over...

Last year's theme was Simplicity. This year's themes are Satisfaction and Motivation. I started 'theming' my years last year with my annual 40 Questions. Simplicity was the year I really needed to streamline my life - in both material possessions and in activities. I had gotten myself involved in far too much, which meant I couldn't actually give any one thing enough care and attention to do it properly. It also meant I was away from home so much, I felt I couldn't keep housework under control or spend enough time with my kids and husband. It was the year we moved from Scotland to the US, so I really had no choice but to simplify my commitments and my belongings.

In doing all that, and then moving across the pond, I realized I had simplified so much that I owned practically nothing, which I perceived as a bad thing, and moving to a new place meant I had very few friends and no activities to get involved with. Thus Satisfaction (and subsequently Motivation) were introduced as my 2014 themes. Can I be satisfied with what I have? Can I be satisfied with this new laid-back - super laid-back - lifestyle, with not being involved in anything? The answer seemed to be that I needed to learn what I can or can't live without and to be satisfied with that. And as for not having friends or things to do, that was going to require a little motivation on my part to achieve.

And in all honesty, I've not done well on either of those challenges.

We have accumulated a lot of stuff that we don't need and don't satisfy me to have. I still haven't been very motivated to get outside my comfort zone and get involved with anything or anyone. It's still very depressing for me. I know I don't want to live here in Arkansas long term, and that's keeping me from making the effort to make close friends or get involved with anything. It's pretty much entirely my own fault that I have very little life outside my home right now.

Soooooo, having laid all that out there, what I meant to say was, for someone who is no longer childminding full time, teaching baby signing, running an online shop, volunteering on committees, rehearsing for musicals, leading worship at church, studying Gaelic, and juggling kids' ballet, football, drama and tennis schedules, I've been a pretty busy lady lately. Mostly from home. And what I'm finding is, it's kind of satisfying. For now at least.

Working
I have my one business. Just one. It isn't extremely busy, it doesn't take very much planning, and the actual work involved is fun and energizing. Having my own Pampered Chef business has been perfect. It gets me out of the house to parties (I love that my job is all about partying), makes us a little extra money and gives me something to be excited about. It does require me to work at getting parties lined up, which is the hard part, but everything else about it is really easy and fun. My goal is six parties a month, though lately it's been only two to four, but those parties, plus holding booths at vendors' events, keeps me fairly busy.



I get to make and eat things like this for money!
Reading
I've joined a book club. Two, actually, though I've only been to one meeting of either... However, I have actually bought and am reading the book for Book Club #2 (which is named "Velociraptors in an Opium Den" which I guess I'll understand the context of some day) and have the next meeting on my calendar... I intend to go, having read the entire book, and I'll even bring some food. That's involvement, people! That's a pretty big step for me at this pathetic stage of my life. We are reading An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England by Brock Clarke; I'm halfway through. It's good to have a book in my hands again. We sold/gave away almost all of our books when we moved. Not having a bookshelf in my new house makes me feel uneducated, nonintellectual, and dare I say it, unsatisfied. I have a series of books on my 'to read' list and in my Amazon cart, for after pay day. Next two books on the purchase list: Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why by Bart D. Ehrman and The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream and Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama. As a Christian, I was always reading theology. It appears that now as a post-Christian, I still like the same genre! Politics, however, are my new interest. Religion and politics. The two things you should never talk about in polite company.



It was this book that got me interested in Obama's autobiographies...
Sidebar: You may wonder why I want to purchase books instead of check them out of the library or read them on a Kindle. Three reasons:
1) I want to build back up a collection of books. I re-read books all the time and love having them at my fingertips. I have books I re-read practically once a year. I don't want to go back to the library to check out a book multiple times. I also love having my own home library which leads me to...
2) I already said I feel uneducated, nonintellectual and unsatisfied with no books in my house. I want my kids to grow up surrounded by books. I want them to have books they can pull off the shelf at any time if they look interesting to them. I grew up surrounded by books - theology, biographies, fiction, encyclopedias - and I want my kids to do the same. Scott is also a reader - he's into early sci-fi - and together, we had a pretty fantastic library until we - sob, hiccup - had to part with them all. Damn, I miss my books.



All my books fit in this one shelf. Waaaah!
Oh yeah, and 3) I hate e-readers. I like real live books with paper pages.

Writing
I'm writing a book. I'm not ready yet to talk about what I'm writing or let anyone read it, but it does fill my time, and it's something I've always wanted - nay, needed - to do. I've been writing since I was old enough to print. I've been writing stories as far back as I can remember. I wrote a book in fifth grade titled Boys R Poo and if only I could get my hands on that incredible piece of literature... I'm sure I'd cry with horror over how embarrassing it is. I graduated college with a degree in English, with an emphasis in Creative Writing. I've written a book of poetry and self-published it as an eBook (which by all means, go buy. Right now.) But a book, writing an actual book, has always been on my bucket list. It's getting to the awful stage right now, the 'this is so not f***ing worth it, why am I wasting my time?, oh this is going to be terrible, I have to finish it though, I've come so far, but oh no one is ever going to want to read this drivel!' stage. Which, since I've never written a whole book before, may or may not be something like transition in childbirth. I don't know.




My e-book had to count as satisfying the 'before 30' part.

Sewing
Now that I have my new sewing machine, the thing I missed most after my books, I've started making stuff again. It's hard to find the time sometimes, but when I do get a few scraps of free time, I've been on my machine. I made another Jaguarator and I've started making taggie blankets. I'm even considering making some taggies to sell. Ohhhh I can see myself slipping into that second home business trap again, but I can guarantee it won't become an online shop! I also want to make some new clothes. I've got a couple of peasant skirts I want to make myself in time for summer (if summer ever comes to this god-forsaken cold town - this cold weather is NOT what I signed up for when we moved back to the South) and some dresses for the girls. I love having a sewing machine again!



Because babies love chewing on the tags.
Mummying
Not to be confused with the practice of wrapping dead bodies in cloths and embalming oils, though at times I feel like a dead person being kept preserved by another person's will, mummying keeps me fairly busy. Lolly starts kindergarten in only four and a half months, but until then, she and Jaguar keep me going full steam most days.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Having her home with me again after a year and a half of her being in nursery (pre-school) has been tough, but it's been amazing for our relationship. She's a tough cookie to get to close to. This year has been really special for us, as a mummy and daughter. The child I thought I'd never understand, the child who kept me at a slight emotional distance, even as a toddler, has welcomed me into her inner lair and shared her little soul with me this year. We have become best friends through this unexpected year off. She drives me insane, and some days I'm pretty sure drugs wouldn't be such a terrible thing to get into after all, but it's worth it. Like taking her to her homeschool group's Box Car Derby this morning. She painted and decorated her own car, which I'm not going to lie, was one of those 'Anyone got any heroin?' experiences, but at the derby, she was so proud of her beautiful car and so excited to be in a race.



She told me, 'Mummy, I promise you I'll win.' And she did. That's my girl!
Extracurricular activities keep me mummying too. Soccer has started up again, too, so on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, I'm hitting the soccer fields again for two hours of watching Fifi then Lolly practice. Fifi is in Girl Scouts as well which is every other Thursday night. So those are my social nights, sitting on the bleachers with the other soccer moms and dads, cheering on our little tripping, bumbling wonders of biology and nature.



Selling the crap out of some cookies.



I've started calling it 'soccer' instead of 'football'. Waaaah!
Exercising
Fifinally, how could I forget? My least favourite but most rewarding hours of the week? Here's where motivation really comes into play - the gym. I try to go at least twice a week, if not three times. This is my other social outlet, though I don't really socialize very much while I'm there. I'm too out of breath to try talking. I'm still going to my fitness classes while Lolly goes to hers, and today I had a little epiphany. Or maybe it was less an epiphany but a kick up the backside. Instead of hating every moment of these classes (I just frickin' hate cardio!), I realized I needed to pace myself. Once again, a little like childbirth. If you go into a work out (or childbirth) already defeated, already ready to be miserable, then you will have a hard time getting through it. But if you pace yourself mentally, beginning with, 'Okay, I can do this, I'm feeling good, I'm working' then graduate to 'Whew, yep, I'm working all right, but I can maintain this, I can keep going' to finally, 'Right, now it's getting hard, I will keep going but this really is getting tough now', you'll get through it a lot more easily. And surprisingly, at the end of the work out today, I didn't feel like I was going to die or cry, because I'd mentally paced myself. I realized I was actually in good enough shape that if forced (and only if forced) I could keep going. Unfortunately, this is where the childbirth illustration breaks down, because in childbirth, when you hit the 'F*** this, I can't do this anymore!', well, hello, baby, is that a head I see? And you don't have the luxury of stopping any time soon, you just gotta keep working through that mess.

The Summer Jaguarnator and Other Motivated Doings

Today was one of those rare, motivated days, where I had lots of things I wanted to do... and I actually did a fair number of them!

I usually go to the gym on Wednesday mornings, so Lolly can go to her swimming class and I go to Step Aerobics. I woke up feeling... well... not unwell but unwilling to go through the effort of a class plus drying Lolly off while trying to keep Jaguar from diving into the pool fully dressed and un-life-vested. Besides, there were a million things I wanted to accomplish, and with an afternoon doctor's appointment booked, I knew there was limited hours in my day.

So I got up and did my stuff.

I actually did it!

I cleaned. I washed and folded ALL the laundry in the house (last loads are washing and drying now). I cleaned Jaguar's room, researched new vacuum cleaners online, played outside with the kids for a little while, made lunch, and - here's the exciting part - started figuring out my new sewing machine!

My birthday present from Scott (one of them anyway) is my new sewing machine. This thing is AWESOME. It's a lot fancier than what I was planning on getting, but I'm so glad now that Scott encouraged me to choose a great one, instead of just a good one. This machine has 100 different stitches! Which I admit was a little daunting. It's electronic instead of mechanical - also daunting - with features like an automatic needle-threader and automatic button-holes.

(My other birthday present from Scott?  Two tickets to go see Les Miserables at the Little Rock Repertory Theater on Sunday!  One for me and one for... not him... but my bestie Devon!  He figured I'd have more fun seeing it with a fellow theater geek than with him.)

It arrived last week (the machine), but I didn't take it out of its box until Monday. It sat on my kitchen table all day Tuesday, daunting me. So I really wanted to get a chance to tackle it sometime soon, and I did it today.

I LOVE IT.

I started out just practicing some stitches on scrap fabric. Lolly watched and wanted me to make her something. I grabbed some scrap fabric from her flower girl dress I made last month and made her a quick little bunny. Then of course Jaguar wanted one. And when Fifi got home from school, she wanted one. Then Lolly's little neighbour buddy wanted one. I got kind of good at making quick scrap bunnies, let me tell you. I also mended an old dress, one I bought back in college from Cheap Thrills in Fayetteville, that I better be able to fit back into now that I've done all the mending I've been putting off for years.

A few weeks ago, all excited from ordering my machine, I bought some fabric for making Jaguar a new Jaguarnator for summer time. I held up two appropriate little boy fabrics and he grabbed the monkey one and cuddled it. Monkey print chosen.

Today was the first really hot evening (and by really hot, it was in the 70s). Soon, the old fleecy Jaguarnator is going to be too hot, so I decided tonight was the night. I got out my dressmaking scissors, my ruler, my notions box and got to work, designing a new, more precise, Jaguarnator.


(I wish I'd had some pattern-paper. I was mega precise this time, with measurements and everything. It would've been nice to make a pattern and never have to measure like that again.)

On my new machine, I experimented with some new stitches I've never used before. It was great fun, and the machine is so fast! I'm still learning on it, and so my finished product does have a few imperfections (everything I create does), but it's functional and cute and I can't wait to put Jaguar in it tomorrow night!

(I also learned a little about fitting zippers. I still need to learn about turning under curved edges without bumffling up the hem...)

The only thing I didn't do today was read more of my book for book club, An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England. I'm loving it!


(Wow, I need to update my Shelfari shelf...)

The Missing Element

My "theme" for 2014, as decided after last year's October Dress Project, was/is "Satisfaction". More specifically, I wanted to make an effort to be satisfied with what I have and where I am right now. So far, I can't say I've made much headway in this. I still look at the clothes hanging in my closet every day and think, "I can't/won't wear 90% of this stuff." Either it doesn't fit, it's the wrong season (I never did get much in the way of winter-wear), or it's just not me. I still look at where I'm living and think, "I can't wait to get out of here." My house is starting to feel more like a home, which I'm happy about, though I still have so many things I'd like to do to decorate it. I still haven't gotten around to making many friends either, but that's where this thought process is going...

Before I expect satisfaction, I need motivation. It's the missing element.

I can't be satisfied with my situation if I don't have the motivation to change it. Granted, motivation won't fix everything; I can be very motivated about going to the mall, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to spend our money there! But I can be motivated about getting myself in a better place mentally, emotionally, physically and socially.

I've only been here in America eight months, though it feels like so much longer, but it's not like me to sit at home all day, every day, letting the kids watch TV while I busy myself with housework or lie on the couch in a bored or depressed daze. I'm in-between everything right now, and in-between is never a comfortable or exciting place to be.

I'm in-between Lolly being at school. In Scotland, she was in nursery and would've been at school this year. Here she can't start school until August. It's an in-between year with her back at home with me again for a year, and we're both going stir crazy.

I'm in-between homes. I was settled in Greenock, and I hope to settle somewhere else soon. I'm not settled here in Arkansas and if I'm honest, I guess I don't really want to be. I also know we won't be in this house for any longer than another year, so I don't feel it's worth the effort to get really properly settled in this house either.

I'm in-between friends. I had so many close friends before I moved, and I haven't yet quite made those same kind of friends again. I have met people who have great potential for becoming good friends, if I'd just make the effort, though. I just haven't made the effort. I guess I'm afraid of missing them if/when we move away?

I'm in-between faiths. I am not quite a Christian any more, but I'm not quite something else yet either. I don't know what I actually believe, I just know what I don't believe.

I'm even in-between sizes! I've lost enough weight that my old clothes hang off me, but I'm not yet the size I'm going to be, therefore I can't justify buying new clothes yet.

Having my Scottish in-laws staying with us these past few weeks has kind of made me realize how much this needs to change. My father-in-law, who is the kind of guy who tells it like it is, keeps commenting on how "greetin'-faced" I am these days, and how it's not like me to be stuck in all the time. I get the impression that I get talked about a lot for it behind my back! They have made sure me and Scott have gotten out a few times to spend time together without kids, and they have encouraged me to get to the gym. It turns out (and I only found this out because they found out for me) that our local community center not only does the kind of Group Fifitness classes that I enjoy, but they also have childcare!

So I have some new goals, which will require motivation to achieve.

Get fit. Today, I woke up early, got dressed in the only set of gym clothes I have, and went to the gym. I put Jaguar in the creche, Lolly went into the twice-weekly KidFifit class, and Marion and I went to a Step class. It felt great. It also meant Lolly got a little social interaction too, which she's been missing out on - and suffering for. I now have a one-month membership to try it out. I have good intentions of taking Lolly to KidFifit twice a week, taking myself to Kickboxing, Step, PowerPump and Yoga, and taking all the kids to the pool on Saturdays. I'm also back on Keto, and I'm not going to give in to carb temptation! (Even when my father-in-law makes delcious-smelling toast at 10pm... grrr.)

Get crafty. I have started sewing a little again. I'm making the flower girl dresses for the three flower girls at my brother's wedding next month (Fifi, Lolly and my niece Ava). I've also made a taggie blanket for my sister-in-law who's due her baby next month, and I'm making one for my other sister-in-law in Scotland who's just had a baby, and once I know what sex her baby is, my other sister-in-law will get one for her baby due in the summer. Scott has promised me my own new sewing machine next month, so I won't have to rely on borrowing machines from family members. (He's the best.)

Get friendly. Last week, I went to a visitation for my friend's father who just passed away. On the way home, I sat in the back seat of the car with my two old best friends from high school, Devon and Liz, and we all lamented that we don't do anything any more besides sit at home alone. I think we all need to change that. I also have a new friend here in town that I really like (hi, Mandy!), and I'm determined to get to know her better and see her more. (In fact, I'm meeting up with her and her kiddos tomorrow.) I may never have my old Tuesday night Craft Night back (boy, do I miss Craft Night and my awesome Craft Night buddies), but some kind of regular chin-wag with friends is something I really need to make happen.

And finally, Get the book done. I'm now brave enough to call my 'project' a 'book'. I have enough pages written, and enough material in my head I still have to cover, that I can confidently say I'm writing an actual book. Now, what I'll do with this book once it's finished is completely undecided, but getting the book written is necessary and essential for me in a million ways. I've had to take a break while in-laws are here, with the baby sleeping in my room, and therefore no privacy for writing, but the ideas keep coming and I'm jotting them all down, and thinking about it constantly. This book is happening!


These are my goals. I feel motivated about them today; I'm not so naive as to think I may not feel less motivated tomorrow. The act of sharing them publicly, though, helps keep me on track.

Christmas Eve Traditions - The Pyjama Fairy

When we were kids, I'm pretty sure our Christmas Eve traditions were pretty fluid. I remember doing some things some years and other things other years. It sound like, from talking to other people, this is pretty normal. No one really knows what to do on Christmas Eve!

Most years we went to a Candlelight Christmas Eve service at church. These were my favourite. All the lights in a big sanctuary turned off, one candle lighting the next candle 'til the room glowed a heavenly orange. Singing 'Silent Night' and 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful', in what sounded to me like a beautiful choir's voice. Nothing made us feel more Christmasy!

We'd then go home after church and some years we'd be allowed to open all the gifts in our stockings, other year's we'd get to choose one gift to open. We never did the Santa thing so the gifts would have been under the tree for what felt like a millennia, just waiting to be opened. The stockings would have been hanging from the fireplace fat with surprises, just taunting us with their secrets. Each gift by this point had already been shaken, held up to the light, and possibly even had a bit of tape pulled away in hopes of revealing some clue as to its contents. Opening one gift on Christmas Eve made for a very difficult choice... which of those gifts was alluding us the most? We certainly didn't want to open the wrong one and get a pair of socks for Christmas Eve.

As we got older, Christmas Eve night became Chocolate Gravy night. For dinner, we'd make biscuits, bacon, scrambled eggs, sausages and my Mamaw Mitchell's famous chocolate gravy. Chocolate gravy is basically a hot, thick homemade pudding poured over buttery biscuits. A little would ooze over onto the bacon. It was amazing. Chocolate gravy seemed to be a Christmas and Thanksgiving delight only, like pumpkin pie and stuffing, and we looked forward to it every year.

A few years later I started my own family, and we started making some traditions of our own. We continued going to Candlelight carol services, and then for the past few years, I started going to midnight mass with my dear friend Maria. That was one of my favourite traditions. It felt wonderful waiting until 11.30pm and then wrapping up warm in a coat, hat, scarf and gloves and walking down the road to St Mary's Cathedral in the unusually still and quiet Greenock night, lit only by street lights, sometimes crunching through white glittery snow, to meet Maria and enjoy a solemn hour to myself with my friend, in a big beautiful church. Of all the Christmasy things about Scotland I miss, this is the one I miss the most. In fact, we'd be going out in about an hour if I were still there. That's a little sad for me.

For a couple of years we tried the stockings thing. Since we only do Santa half-heartedly, sometimes the stockings are full before Santa comes, sometimes Santa fills them. One year we did the open-one-present thing, but living on a budget turned me off that one. It made the next day's presents look a little sparse. Plus, despite our Santa half-heartedism, the kids are pretty sure it IS Santa who brings the gifts (even though the tags say 'From Mum & Dad'), so it's a bit confusing to them, the whole presents-before-he-arrives thing.

Homemade pyjamas

Then one year I heard a radio program with callers sharing their own Christmas traditions. One woman said that each Christmas Eve, they received new pyjamas* and washed all the bed linens for Christmas. Thus the Pyjama Fairy was born in my mind.

Last year's Princess Pyjama Fairy jammies

Over the years, the Pyjama Fairy has developed a back story and a modus operandi that has become firmly traditionalized. (Not a word, don't care.) Each Christmas Eve, at some point when the kids aren't around, the Pyjama Fairy steals into the house and makes all the beds. When she's feeling up to it (and has enough time) she changes and washes all the linens too. If she's feeling particularly flush that year, she buys new linens. Then she lays out a fresh new pair of pyjamas on each bed. When she has time, she makes them by hand. When she's busy, she just buys them.

All of this disorganization fits perfectly with her personality. See, the Pyjama Fairy is a fallen tooth fairy. She used to work as a tooth fairy, but she wasn't very good at it. She was always making mistakes: forgetting to leave money, forgetting to bring back the tooth, losing teeth along the way, losing money along the way, missing houses entirely. Eventually she was fired and banished from tooth fairy land. But she missed all the children she once visited. Despite being a terrible tooth fairy, she was actually a very good seamstress. She began sewing pyjamas to make a living. At first she just retailed to other tooth fairies, but one Christmas she had an idea. She could make pyjamas for all those kids she used to visit. She spent the whole of the next year designing huge set of pyjamas for the children on her old watch, and on Christmas Eve she delivered them, often making their beds for them because they were usually such a mess. (She was surprisingly fastidious for a scatterbrained fairy.) Word got out about her pyjama deliveries and parents all over began requesting her services. Before she knew it, she had a huge business to run. She had to stop making all the pyjamas and started buying them in wholesale. But for those first few special children, she still sometimes takes the time to lovingly hand sew a custom set of jammies.

Pyjama Fairy forgot Mummy last year.

Today is Christmas Eve, time for all these fun traditions again. Scott took the kids out for an ice cream so the Pyjama Fairy could do her work. She washed all the linens and made all the beds.  She even left a little gift for cousin Ava (she couldn't find Ava's house).  Later on tonight we will be going to the Candlelight Carol Service at church at 7pm with my mom and step-dad. Chocolate gravy turned into a Christmas morning tradition at some point while I was living in Scotland, so we'll be gathering tomorrow, me and my brothers' families, for breakfast tomorrow.

Jaguar's TMNT jammies

Cousin Ava's jammies with a note.
Stole the spelling/letter errors idea from my step-sis Christy's elf.

Lolly & Fifi's jammies:
Strawberry Shortcake and La La Loopsy

She didn't forget Mum this year.
SuperGirl and Homer Simpson

*Up until today I have always spelled 'pyjamas' as 'pajamas'. I'm a little beside myself that I've been spelling it wrong my whole life. Plus, the actual spelling looks too much like 'pygmy'.

Saturday Morning Artwork

Banoffee got into the wrapping paper last night and made a little mess. I didn't mind, I've finished my Christmas gift wrapping. Have at it, elf man.

He even wrapped himself up in a box. Look at that cheeky giggle he's doing. HOW DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS CREEPY? He is cuteness incarnate.

Kids were all "There's no present inside."

The Advent Activity today was to paint Christmas tree ornaments to give as gifts. However, that project failed when Walmart ceased to retail the ornaments I'd had in mind. So I changed the project to making tea towels as gifts. It all worked so perfectly in my head... but my head has been known to be wrong on so many occasions.

First of all, I bought flour sack towels, which when all wrapped up in sales packaging looked exactly like the kind of fabric I wanted. Unwrapped, however, they were twice as big as a regular tea towel. I had no desire to get out my sewing machine, so I had to think out how to cope with their bigness.

Second, I had purchased finger paints because, you know, they are safe for kids. My baby loves putting everything into his mouth, so it seemed right and responsible to go with washable, non-toxic finger paints.

Except, oh wait, tea towels need to get washed. Oops. Decoration-only tea towels we'll be making then.

And third, I didn't buy enough paint. I bought a set of six little pots, but after painting four little hands twice each, I was out of green paint. (Jaguar got to use both hands because he's the favourite the baby.) I'll have to make the Scottish grandparents their tea towel later. Maybe I'll actually buy the right kind of paint too so the gift can actually be useful. I really don't like non-useful gifts. I'm not sentimental. I throw my kids paintings away.

They're meant to look like Christmas trees.

The towels came out cute regardless of their uselessness and the kids had loads of fun painting with the leftover paints afterwards.



My kitchen is currently an amazing art museum.


Until I throw all the paintings away, of course.

Baby Con-TRAP-tions

Today was a very special day. Today, Lolly and Jaguar met the 'real Santa'. He had a real beard and all. And a very fancy suit, not one of those cheap ones. He had the glasses, he had the boots, he had it all. Except for the reindeer. Lolly was seriously worked up over the lack of reindeer and how he got here from the North Pole without his sleigh. Cover nearly BLOWN.

The Real Santa came to our library this morning. For the first year, Lolly gladly sat on his knee and told him what she wanted. Powerpuff Girls, of course, and a unicorn. Jaguar also sat in his lap, tear-free. He was highly curious of Santa when he came in, yet more dubious as we approached him. I hinted to Santa that Jaguar would willingly come if bribed with a candy cane. Sure enough, when Santa held out that sweet treat, Jaguar toddled right over and allowed Santa to pull him up on his lap for a picture.

Isn't he a jolly old soul?

CANDY.

(It's been said before, but it must be said again - WHY do we think it's okay to sit our little children on the laps of men we've never met before at Christmas, after telling them all year long to avoid getting overly chummy with all the rest of the world's creepy strangers?)

Fifi almost ended up at the library with us. Last evening, she started complaining of an earache and running a mild temperature. She was acting truly miserable which clued us in that it was for real. She had red cheeks, she whimpered in her sleep. I was sure she had an ear infection. I was all geared up for keeping her off school this morning to arrange a doctor's visit, and since ear infections aren't contagious, taking her to the library with us. But she awoke this morning fairly bright and said it didn't hurt really any more, so we think maybe it was just trapped water or the cold weather or something.

Banoffee wasn't so lucky. We found Banoffee this morning lying in the tissue box clutching a baby doll surrounded by used tissues and cold medicine. We decided to give him a day off elf duties and let him sleep it off. Hopefully he'll be back to his usual cheeky elf self tomorrow.


(And once again, idea stolen. It just happened to really work really perfectly into our lives yesterday.)

We were busy most of the day any way. School started an hour later this morning, so after school drop off, running a few errands, and getting some bits and bobs at Walmart, we came home, made pizza for lunch, and Lolly and Jaguar watched TV while I got out the sewing machine to work on a project (to be discussed post-haste). Then this evening, I made yummy broccoli soup and cornbread for dinner and the girls had an indoor Treasure Hunt as their Advent Activity.

MY KIDS IN JAMMIES SLAY ME.

I stole the idea a few years ago from some website, so I can't credit it here. I hope through the years I've changed the little poems enough that it's not TECHNICALLY plagarizing, but I'm probably still committing a crime posting it. If anyone ever discovers its true origin, tell me where I find it and I will link the crap out of it, because it was awesome. The little poem clues I used are are the bottom of this post if you want to use them. The kids had to follow the clues all around the house to find an early Christmas present. Originally, that present was going to be homemade Powerpuff Girl dolls, one for each child, but when Fifi drew the ticket out of the Advent calendar this morning, I remembered I had not yet even attempted making them yet. I had another idea instead... magnetic paper dolls. But Walmart was out of magnetic printer sheets, so I had to think up something else again. The kids love board games, so I slipped a Candyland box into the shopping trolley and wrapped it later when Lolly was busy watching Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup save the world for the bazillionth time. The kids had a great time running all over the house responding to clues and then opening their present.






So... back to that sewing machine. What did I spend my afternoon doing, while my precious offspring rotted their brains with television (Netflix, to be exact)? I spent it devising and creating my secret nighttime weapon - the Jaguarator.


This toddler-sized sleeping bag idea came to me late in the night two nights ago as I lay staring at the ceiling, listening to Jaguar cry and crawl out of his crib every couple of minutes. I needed something that would make it impossible for him to hike his leg up over the crib, without actually tying his legs up, which just seemed a little ... child protective services. Then I remembered the sleeping bags babies sleep in and decided I could make one myself. I imagined up the pattern and the sewing order and what materials I'd need all night long while I didn't sleep.

I'd planned on making it out of thin fleece and lining it with cotton, but Walmart's fabric section only has so much, and I wasn't even considering heading into the metropolitan area to find a real fabric store. Lolly found this cute red polyester thick fleecy-type fabric with puppies all over and it was kind of perfect. It was a bit more expensive than some of the other things, but it was thick and soft enough not to need a lining, so the cost evened out. The fabric and the zipper together cost me $10. To buy one of these things manufactured from a shop we're talking so, so much more.

I came home, set up my mom's sewing machine and laid the fabric out to create a 'pattern'. And by 'pattern', I mean I totally eye-balled it. I took one of Jaguar's larger sleepsuits and laid it over the fabric to get an impression of how big it needed to be. I cut out a shape around the sleepsuit a few inches larger all around for comfort. I cut the front part in half so I could insert the zipper. I eye-balled the straps too, which were actually my biggest mistake.

When I cut out the straps, I folded the pieces in half to make them even on both sides, but when I unfolded it, I realized I'd made the neck room extremely tight. I started imagining the headlines: BABY STRANGLED BY OWN MOTHER'S HANDMADE BABY SLEEPER. So I started messing around with it, cutting the neck line lower in the front, almost into a v-neck. Finally I realized if I cut any more I was going to ruin the whole thing, so I just went with it. Once I'd put the whole suit together, and tried it on Jaguar, I discovered that not only would my original neckline have been already too gapey, but with the new cuts I'd made, it was huge. The baby would've been able to squirm right out of the top. I readjusted and tightended the straps, thankful I'd given myself so many extra inches at the bottom, and the bag fit perfectly.


Jaguar was able to walk around without tripping, but the real test was the crib. I placed him into the crib with a bright smile and stood in front of him, hands on hips, waiting to see what he'd do. Sure enough, that little leg came climbing up... and stopped. He couldn't get it any higher. He started pulling at the bottom of the bag to loosen it but it was firm! He was stuck! I plucked him up out of his crib with exorbitant glee. I win! I WIN!!!

However, I might want to refrain from counting my chickens before they are hatched. He's in his crib asleep right now in his warm blanket / baby trap. When he wakes up at 2am, we'll know for sure if the Jaguarator is a true success.


(No, this photo doesn't fit in anywhere, but it's so cute, right? Any guesses where he learned to handle a keyboard and mouse so eloquently?)

**And as promised...
The Indoor Treasure Hunt

Again, I have no idea where I found this on the web. It may have even been a collaboration from several sites. Please don't sue me, I have no money.

Cut out the clues and hang them in the right spots. Each clue will take them to the next spot with the next clue until they come to the end and find the treasure.

Follow this clue to a very cold place,
where ice cubes and popsicles fill up the space.
Go into the kitchen to solve this brain-teaser,
and open the door to the family’s _______.

Follow this clue to a very dark spot
Where bedding and linen and towels may be got
Go to the hallway (go there yourself)
The clue will be hidden up high on a ______.

Numbers and letters
combine on the screen,
where I made up this rhyme...
can you find the machine?

When you're feeling less than fresh
or you want to have a laugh,
you wash and get all squeaky clean
inside a warm bubble _________.

Dora, Peppa, Charlie and Lola -
are what the children like to see.
Shows like Gilmore Girls and Scrubs
are what Mummy puts on the ________.

This place is mostly filled with papers
that often bring you glee
Like letters and packages,
plus the bills you'd rather not see.

At breakfast and dinner
and sometimes lunch when we are able,
we set out the dishes and put out the food
and we gather around the kitchen ________.

Our cleans just keep getting dirty
and we put them here to get them clean.
We like to take turns pouring in the soap
and pushing the buttons on the washing _______.

Up and down, and up and down
you climb these every day.
You've likely seen the clue on these,
but passed it anyway.

This room is for the kids to sleep
when going to bed for the night.
Let's hope the bed is comfortable
and sheets are clean and white.

Be the first back to the room
where this hunt did begin
If you're the first you'll hear the words,
"Congrats, to you... YOU WIN!"

Dirty Goldfish, Dirty Diapers

Banoffee goes fishing! (Idea stolen from here.) I love how in the photograph in the link the person uses a pristine white sink for her elf to fish in; I have no such sinks quite that pristine or free from possible midnight, half-sleeping handwashes. I used a bowl instead.

(And imagining the kids could eat the Goldfish in the morning, I took extra care when putting this scene together, until I tipped my baby plant off the windowsill right into the Goldfish bowl. And then Lolly ate the Goldfish before I could stop her anyway, potting soil and all. Ew.)

Well, in light of my emotastic post last night, I had a good day. Following a not-so-good night where Jaguar wanted to crawl out of his cot for an hour (and in which I mentally devised a brilliant sewing pattern for a Grobag-style baby sleeping bag which I intended, but did not manage, to make today to keep his legs from being able to stretch high enough to climb out of his cot while simultaneously keeping him warm in this cold weather), I got the kids dressed (no school again), dressed myself (put on that eyeliner and all) and drove into town to spend the day with my old BFF Devon and her kids. It was a nice, chilled day complete with dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and a cheeky wee glass of afternoon wine. And a cheeky wee trip to Target, where I bought my cat a scratching post, my son a box of nappies, my daughters some stocking fillers, and my husband a six-pack of Guinness.

School is back on tomorrow, and I'm grateful, because I have a million plus one things I need to do before leaving for Seattle on Thursday. I need to arrange a doctor's appointment for Fifi, purchase those sewing notions needed for creating my baby-sleeping trap, drop some stuff at my mom's, take Lolly to the library to see Santa, and pack all the bags for the weekend - the kids bags for Mimi's house and ours for holiday.

I can't believe there are only 15 days until Christmas. My shopping is nearly complete. My wrapping hasn't even begun. Our Christmas tree has a skirt under it now (thanks, Devon!), and my mom put a wreath on our door. Ho ho ho, Santa Claus is coming to town!

Oh yeah, and our Advent Activity today. It was supposed to be that cut snowflakes one. We didn't get around to it, which is no big deal since the kids sailed that ship days ago.

I have all these ideas for things to write about - particulary loads of ideas from you, my dear readers, from November that I still intend to write about: hair dye, acceptance, tattoos, regret, to name a few. I will get to all of them eventually as time and inspiration allow. But tonight, I'm hitting the sack. No wise words from me tonight. Just a silly elf catching dirty fish. But I'll leave you with this one story, which I am reminded of thanks to Lolly's dirty-fish-eating habits. Hold on to your stomachs, this one's a doozy.

When Lolly was around 18-months, toddling all around the house getting into things, we had one of those diaper-genie trash bin contraptions that you shove the dirty disposable diapers into and it twists the bin bag around it. Well, ours wasn't quite so sophisticated - it didn't twist the bag around. It just closed off the bag at the top until you shoved another diaper down into it. Lolly was the child with which I never really used cloth nappies.

One day, I saw my toddling imp wandering around the house with a piece of buttery toast. Funny, I thought, I can't remember the last time I made toast. But the mind of a mother with two small children is easily distracted, and I put the thought out of my head. I continued on my merry, absent-minded way until I saw her later that same day eating another slice of seemingly fresh, buttery toast. This time I stopped to ponder. It had been days since I'd made the children toast, so she couldn't have stashed this in a toy box or some place without it growing hard. I watched Lolly bewilderingly with her toast. She took a bite, then toddled her way into the hall where all the nappy changing supplies were. She opened the diaper-genie. She pulled out another slice of moist, buttery toast. She took another bite. I screamed like a banshee and yanked the toast out of her hand. I removed the other slices of carefully stored toast from the bin. It was all still soggy - not from butter, but from being in the moist environment of the dirty diaper pail for three days.

Thank you, I'll be here all week. Good night, folks!

Advent Activities and DeBloAdMo

Activities of Christmas Past
(I miss my sewing box.)

With 29 days to Christmas ($@%?!), it's time I start getting a little bit prepared. I am so behind this year; normally I start my Christmas shopping in July or August and am fully done by November. This year, even with a very abbreviated list, I still have only half of it done. And Christmas cards? Oh geez, if these get out at all, I'll be delighted. Heck, if I even get around to buying/making them, that will be incredible. You may need to settle for an e-card - or a Facebook poke.

So, I've gotten as far as making my Advent Calendar Activities (to be blogged next month for DeBloAdMo - what other bloggers are with me on this?! I've been trying to make this a 'thing' for the past several years! At least Cheryl and Rebekkah are usually with me on this.) Here is what my little family will be doing every day of December until Christmas, alongside our little chocolate Advent Calendars lovingly sent from Scotland by Maw McFarlane.

1. Have Lolly’s Superhero/ Powerpuff Girls Birthday Party!
2. Write our letters to Santa and post them at Wee Betty’s Cafe.
3. Make Christmas cards, and deliver cards to all the neighbours.
4. Check email for message from Santa. (www.portablenorthpole.com)
5. Watch a Christmas movie and string popcorn.
6. Make gingerbread men for the Christmas tree.
7. Have a Christmas picnic in our pajamas on the floor.
8. Donate food to Hope’s Closet at church.
9. Cut snowflakes out of felt and hang them.
10. Go on a treasure hunt to find an early present.
11. Eat dinner by candlelight only with the fancy dishes.
12. Go to Super Sleepover at Mimi and Poppy's house!
13. Edible treat (while Mum and Dad are in Seattle)
14. Edible treat
15. Edible treat
16. Edible treat
17. Make a cake for Daddy’s birthday.
18. Go out to eat for Lolly’s birthday.
19. Make reindeer food to sprinkle on Christmas Eve.
20. Make donuts for the elves on Christmas Eve.
21. Paint Christmas tree ornaments to give as gifts.
22. Drive around looking at Christmas lights.
23. Make Christmas crackers.
24. Go to Christmas Eve service, then put out snacks for Santa’s sleigh team.
25. Eat chocolate gravy for breakfast and open presents!!

We will also be starting a new tradition this Christmas, alongside our Advent Activities. I know the Elf on a Shelf thing was so last year, but I thought it was adorable, and yes, I actually LOVED all the cute photos people were posting. My mom apparently thought it was adorable too, so she has bought us one for this Christmas. She is going to deliver it to our door on the morning of December 1st with a note from Santa, telling the kids the elf is here to watch them over the next 25 days. We have named our elf Banoffee, as an homage to the overly sweet British dessert, and because according to Will Farrell, elves eat pretty much only candy and sugar.

In other new traditions starting this American year, we will do real Christmas trees instead of fake. We've always wanted to do real, but since we had a fake to start with, it always seemed like such a waste of money to go buy a real. Now that we don't have a fake one lying in a closet somewhere, we are just going to go real. I can't wait! I went looking through the trees at a shop the other day, and the smell was heavenly. I can't wait to have that smell in my house! New Google research project: Find out what kind of tree is the best.

For a while there, I was really dreading Christmas. It's expensive this year, with all the other things we have going on, but now that it's gotten cold outside (currently we have a 'wintery mix' falling outside) and lights are starting to go up on houses and decorations are in all the stores, I'm getting a little excited. It'll be a low-key Christmas this year in many respects, but I think we will have a good one anyway!  Anyway, I suppose Christmas is what you make of it; it's not about how many presents you can put under the tree, but the time you spend with your loved ones... hence the Advent Activities calendar!

Happy December, everyone!

(But before that, happy Thanksgiving! But that's a blog for another day.)


*This blog topic loosely brought to you by Mike, who mentioned I write about the Holidays.

Special Things

Scott and I had to be very strict (ruthless even) when we packed our bags and moved away from Scotland. So many things we loved and cared about had to be given away. Yet there were still a handful of items that just held too much sentimental value or reminded us of special people that we decided were worth keeping. These photos don't show them all; some things are still in a box, waiting for us to get some more shelves on which to display them, or some nails on which to hang them. I thought perhaps people would like to see though some of what they gave us that we couldn't part with. These things remind us of you every time we look at them.


This beaded loveheart was a 30th birthday gift from my friend Julie. It hung on our front door back in our Scottish flat. It reminds me of Julie, our flat, my wonderful party, and all my am-dram friends.

This candlestick (and its partner) were literally one of the only wedding gifts Scott and I received. Because we were moving to Scotland immediately after the wedding, we asked for people to give money instead of gifts. Yet a couple of people gave us small gifts, and these Moroccan candlesticks were from Kristen and Joshua. They remind us of, well, our wedding.


This canvas photo was a present from our dearest friends Sarah and Ian. The photo was taken by Ian on our trip to the Tain a few years ago. Scott and I had won a free three-day stay in the Glenmorangie House and could bring six other people. We invited Sarah and Ian, Maria and Simon, and Kate and Faisal. This photo reminds me of that weekend and of our friends, especially Sarah and Ian. It was one of the best weekends ever.


There are three things here in my kitchen window. First is a little blue wooden apple that Morag gave me at the Friday TinyTalk's going away party for me. It says 'Thank you for helping me grow.' It, along with the cuff and the lavender pouch the group gave me, remind me of my TinyTalk days, of my wonderful babies and mummy friends, and how much of a huge part of my life TinyTalk was. It also gives me a glimpse of what a part I played in their lives too, which is a wonderful feeling. It particularly reminds me of Morag and her two gorgeous children.

The angel suncatcher was from my friend Elaine and her family. It is believed to help create positive Chi Energy. I love it, because Chi Energy and angels are so Elaine and I think of her every time I look at it. In extension, it also reminds me of Craft Night, where I saw Elaine and Heather and Paula nearly every Tuesday night for four years, where hippy ideas, natural remedies, and Eastern thoughts were quite often the topics of discussion!

The plaque is one of my favourites. This was a present from Lorna, or as my kids refer to her, Auntie Lorna. Auntie Lorna is one of those rare people who love unconditionally, give generously, and care genuinely. She has always been in Scott's life, and for as long as I was in Scotland, mine. She's always been one of the kids' favourite people. I love Lorna, and miss her. This funny little saying is so Her, and it makes me and everyone who reads it smile.


These little angels were a going away gift to Fifi and Lolly from Mollie and Rosie, two girls I used to child mind. They remind me of those two sweet girls, and their lovely mummy and daddy. I also have from them a tile in Jaguar's room with a painting of the Waverly. It reminds me very much of Greenock, and I love it.


The first cross, a white ceramic one with the inscription 'For this child I have prayed' came from my sister-in-law Rebekkah when I was pregnant with Fifi. It has been hanging in Fifi and Lolly's room ever since until moving here, when I decided it needed a more prominent display place. It reminds me of her and the family she now has with Pete and her two daughters, my beautiful nieces.

The other cross is a heavy clay cross which has made it through two cross-Atlantic moves. This was a present from my old best friend Amanda in college. She worked in a florist shop and they sold these crosses. I loved it because it had a Celtic feel to it, and I had a boyfriend who was Scottish. She bought it for me for my birthday, and I kept it when I moved to Scotland. And I've kept it moving back. I can genuinely say now, it's probably one of the longest-owned things I have. Kind of weird. And it reminds me of Amanda and all those years pre-Scotland too.

The wooden plaque has a bit of a textured past, but I love it all the same. It was a handmade gift from my ex-sister-in-law. It says 'As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord.' At the bottom is says 'Est 2004'. It is a symbol to me of our marriage and the way our family has changed since 2004, and of my commitment to serve the Lord with my family in spite of my struggle with unbelief.


These were a few handmade baby gifts.

The crocheted building block has Lolly's name sewn on its sides. This was a baby gift from my friend Debbie. I've known Debbie since Fifi and her son were babies, and we've been through a whole lot together. Also from Debbie I have a painting of the Cloch Lighthouse in Gourock which is just awaiting a frame before I hang it it. These things remind me of her and her little Lyle.

The cross-stitched pillow and cross-stitched framed duck were from Cheryl. Cheryl and I also go way back, and she's one of my oldest Scottish friends. We met one year after I moved to Scotland. On mine and Scott's first visit to the Greenock church, which would become our church for the next seven years, she and her husband Matthew were the first people to greet us and then invite us out to lunch afterwards. Matt and Scott have been good friends since, and so have Cheryl and I. Our kids are close too; Lolly has every intention of marrying her son one day (because he has a 'life-sized' battery operated car). These two gifts, lovingly stitched by Cheryl are very special to me, and remind me of our (short-lived) Sunday Sisters Sewing Circle, where for about four weeks we met up to embroider, cross-stitch, or in Lorna's case, fold laundry.


*************************

On the September Shopping Challenge front, I made it through Day 1. I avoided Shipley's Donuts on the way home from church, and Scott went in for the ribs for our Labor Day barbecue, so I wouldn't have to. On to Day 2!

The Benefits of Having Little

Those of you who have been following my blog, or who know me in person, know what a challenge it was for our family to sell/give away everything we own to move back to the United States. From a three bedroom flat full to the brim in belongings, we whittled our earthly goods down to what fit into twelve suitcases (for a family of five) and a few boxes of keepsakes to be stored in my sister-and-brother-in-law's cellar. I don't know if that sounds as crazy as it was, but essentially it was something like this: each family member (except the baby) had one suitcase for clothes each, one suitcase was for kitchen supplies, two were for toys, one was for baby clothes, CDs and DVDs, one was for shoes (and that was AFTER getting rid of tons), two were for pictures, breakable items such as pottery and other meaningful items, and the last was basically miscellaneous bits and bobs we didn't want to lose. The boxes left in Scotland are full of photo albums and books and Christmas decorations that have sentimental value.

Now that we are in our new house, we have had so much support from family and friends in getting set back up. We have been given furniture, kitchenware and money, not to mention the loan of cars, to help us get started. But still, our belongings are pretty sparce.

We LOVE it.

If I had to do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat. I'd do it even if we weren't moving. It was the most freeing experience I can imagine.

Friends of ours, Graeme and Emily, moved back to Canada after a few years in Scotland, and Emily really encouraged me. At first, the thought of losing everything was horrible. So many things felt so important to me, like the display units Scott's gran passed down to us, and paintings I had done, and... I can't even remember any more, but they all seemed irreplaceable. But Emily told me, 'It's all just stuff. You won't miss it.' I didn't believe her, right enough, but I adopted her attitude and tried looking at everything as just material goods.


Now, before I go further, there are two things I need to say. First, I am not about to talk about how great it is to lose EVERYTHING. We were not in a fire, we were not robbed. We chose what went and what stayed. We made the decision ourselves on what really meant the most. This is entirely different from having everything taken from you outside your control. Second, I am not saying we have NOTHING. We have the necessities. We have things beyond the necessities. I am not comparing us to anyone in poverty, and I do not meant to be insensitive and imply that poverty is great. Having little is not the same as having nothing.

Saying that, we have less now than most middle class people in the Western World, and it is a wonderful, clean, refreshing feeling.

First of all, everything I see now really does just feel like 'stuff'. If something breaks beyond repair, I can just throw it away. When I'm shopping and see something attractive, I can admire it without buying it. In fact, many of the things I kept, I now wish I hadn't kept, because they weren't really necessary come to think of it.

Having little means my house is easy to keep clean. I don't have mountains of things with no real purpose or place. The kids still have more toys than they need but not so many that they don't each one have a special allotted space to be stored. My dishes don't pile up, because I only have one set which I wash and reuse immediately. I even marked 'dish drainer' off my list of 'needs', because I only have a few non-dishwashable items, which I can handwash immediately, dry and put away. My laundry doesn't pile up, because we don't have enough clothes to allow it to. In fact, I am finding it so hard to make a full load each time I wash, that I run it on Small Load more often than Medium or Large. With the help of my Motivated Moms Chore Schedule, I'm finding it incredibly easy to get to all those little jobs that used to be overlooked by all the dishes, laundry, and clutter I used to have to sort through first.

Scott asked me if I miss anything. Really, the only things I miss are my books (I love love love to read), my cookbooks (I'm lost in the kitchen without them), and some of my bento supplies that got lost along the way (my hobby and for a short while, my business). I also miss my Pampered Chef stoneware, but I'm coping without it! Some things that I miss I do hope to replace eventually, such as my sewing machine, but at the moment, I'm surviving without them.

If it hadn't been utterly necessary, I would never have been brave enough to clear out my entire 'life'. It would have seemed impossible, not just because of my attachment to my earthly possessions, but also because of the obligatory feelings attached to things - gifts given to me that would seem rude or ungrateful to get rid of. A few months ago I could hardly have used this word, but luckily I HAD to get rid of all those things, and thanks to that, I feel so free.

How do I encourage others to do the same? It's hard. I don't expect anyone will be able to do it to the extent we had to without a good reason. But I categorically DO encourage everyone to start seeing everything they own as mere 'stuff'. Don't be afraid to give away or throw away. Think, 'Will I miss this ten years from now?' With your wardrobes, think, 'Do I NEED six different black t-shirts? Or could I just wash the one or two on a regular basis instead?' Above all, remember It is all just stuff. You won't miss it.

Every time I walk into my new house and see a bare floor, clean walls, and empty tables, I breathe a sigh of relief. When I open my tiny kitchen cupboards and see tidy rows and lots of extra space, I smile. When I visit my kids room and ask them to clean up, I know it can be done quickly and relatively painlessly. When my chore schedule says to clean out the shower, I know I can manage it, because the general tidying up clutter doesn't need to be done first and foremost. At night, when the kids go to bed, I can do a quick sweep and hoover and then relax, or if needed, fold a (single) load of laundry or iron some clothes while watching Scrubs on DVD. Because I don't have a house full of rubbish to tackle at all times. It's amazing.

In a few years, I'm sure I'll own more, and it won't be so easy then to just give it all up. But it's changed something inside me, the need and the desire to own things. I just hope I can inspire others in return to think differently about their possessions and not be afraid to let them go. At the end of the day, we don't need much to get by, even comfortably, and very few things really matter.

Except maybe books.

Mamaw's Sonnet

Wondering where we've been the past week? (You're like, 'Uh, no...') Well, we've been away up north in the Cairngorm mountains enjoying a lovely wee holiday, just Scott, Jaguar and myself, while our sweet daughters are in Portugal with their wonderful grandparents.

While we had a great holiday, and I'll talk about that later, we had some sad news while we were there. My grandma, my 'Mamaw', passed away on Thursday early morning. We've been expecting it for a while, so it wasn't a shock, but it was still very sad for me. Being away from 'home' (even though Scotland is also 'home') is really hard in times like these.

My mom asked me to write a poem for the funeral. For me, poetry is such a visceral and peculiar thing; I write in a certain way, with the words seeming to bubble up out of my very guts, and I employ heavy imagery and abrupt line breaks and usually end up with pretty bleak unexpected outcomes. None of these were terribly appropriate for writing a poem for a funeral.

And considering I had only one afternoon in which to do it, and no computer with me, the task was an immense one.

I sat down with a pad of children's colouring paper, the only paper I could find in the house we were staying in, and a pencil with no eraser, and started jotting down ideas. I haven't handwritten anything longer than a message in a card in years, and besides that, I didn't know what to say or how to say it succinctly enough for its purpose.

I wanted to do Mamaw's memory justice. I wanted to do my relationship with her justice.

I also wanted it to have poetic merit. I am a writer and don't like to put my name to anything I'm not proud of.

Finally, after agonising for hours, after three front and back sheets of paper covered in one liners, quatrains, scribbles and glib phrases, I was ready to give up.

So I gave up. I gave up trying to be literary. I gave up trying to incorporate all Mamaw was into one little passage. I gave up trying to be poignant. I had a few lines I'd written in rhyme (not my usual style) which I suddenly realised could give me a framework in which to write: I would write a sonnet.

An English sonnet (or Shakespearean sonnet) is 14 lines, consisting of three quatrains and a couplet, with a rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg. Generally speaking, the first two quatrains will have one focus, then the focus shifts for the second half, with the couplet often 'summing up' the sonnet.

Here is Mamaw's Sonnet. It's not book-worthy or a competition winner; it's not lofty or mind-blowing; it's not even a perfect sonnet (some lines aren't exact iambic pentameter, many of the rhyming words are only slant rhymes). It's just about my mamaw, it's just a simple poem written in her memory.

Goodbye, Mamaw. I hope you were able to hear it in heaven.

Mamaw's Sonnet
When we parted last, it was with tears -
We both knew it would be our last goodbye.
So frail, so thin, worn out with many years,
She couldn't speak, but still she fought to try.
And yet when I remember her tomorrow
Fond memories of her will make me smile.
So rather than goodbyes and tearful sorrow--
The things I loved about her, as a child:
Mamaw making pickles and sewing drapes,
The nights of Lawrence Welk on PBS.
She made me learn to cook and how to bake
But I liked playing dominoes the best!
It's memories like these I wish to hold
For bodies age but love does not grow old.

Day 14

I'll let you just guess if we did our activity today.

Ding ding ding! If you guessed 'no' you would be correct! Today's activity was to make Christmas wreaths - never happened!

The kids came home from school, and I was all geared up to get out the tissue paper and the glue, but I got a text from the boys' mum saying they'd get picked up early, so instead, we made snack-time out of the cakepops from a few days ago. We melted some chocolate, poured sprinkles into a bowl and dipped cakepops into both. And then ate them. It was excellent fun. (We followed that unhealthy snack with a bowl of mango yogurt to even it out somehow.)

And off topic, I gave Jaguar a babyspoonful of unsweetened natural yogurt, and he was entirely confused/impressed.

A.Dor.A.Ble.

Anyway. We had fun with our cakepops. I still thought maybe we'd do our wreaths after the boys left, but we didn't. Instead, we had a girly+Jaguar night in while Scott went to the cinema with his mum, dad and sister. We ordered in Chinese, opened their presents from their friends Eva and Eden from school, and watched Frosty the Snowman in pajamas. The girls also bought snow globes (we had to pop into Tesco to get some photos printed - and while they were there they got to play with an iPad-operated remote control car!) and a Santa sticker book, so we played with those too. Sure we never did wreaths, but we had a good evening together!

I also finished a sewing project. I made a stack of Eco Reusable Sandwich wraps, all of [sand]which have already been bought and paid for, for my IntoBento site. [Sand]Which is still to be launched, sorry, dear Awaiting Public.

Will take orders for them though!

Tomorrow, we are off to Edinburgh to see friends Judith & Craig & kids, whom we haven't seen in years. Hopefully we can find their house... Scott and I aren't the best with directions, and we're worse when we try to find someplace together! But it's an early jump, so I'd better get to bed. It's nearly midnight.