Friday, June 29, 2012

Getting Fed Up Now

Okay, I know that I still have a week to go before I even reach my due date, and therefore three weeks to go before I must face any kind of intervention to get this baby out, but HOLY COW I WANT THIS BABY OUT OF ME.

As with Lolly, I have been having irregular contractions for weeks now. With Lolly, these started at 35 weeks (necessitating a trip to the hospital to rule out preterm labour), but nothing happened until after 40 weeks when my waters only SLIGHTLY began to leak and I ended up getting induced at 40+6 days.

These contractions (with the ever so sensitive name 'false labour', but which I prefer to call 'prodromal labour' - look it up) started around 36 weeks this time and have just pressed on and on and on... energizer battery style.

They usually pop up around mid-afternoon and come and go all night until I go to bed - whether that be 10pm or 1am. They just hang out until I'm too exhausted to stay awake then peter out while I sleep. Different things bring them on, like standing up after being seated for a while, or after lying down after standing for a while. Walking and exercise and housework bring them on, but they don't last, or become regular, or form any patterns. Baths kill them off dead.

Just like with Lolly.

As you know, I've been practicing HypnoBirthing, and I wonder if my fear that a repeat of what happened with Lolly is inhibiting anything real starting. I have tried to 'release' this fear, but it is pretty deeply ingrained it seems.

I've gone for acupuncture twice. I don't really believe in it, but on the other hand, it was free, so I gave it a shot. I did find the nights after getting it done my contractions got stronger, but of course, they ended as well.

Today, I have been grumpy, tired and miserable. I feel like I'm living in a furnace, I am so hot and sweaty, I am exhausted and have just wanted to lie in bed all day, and of course, the kids have found this fairly unacceptable, so they've been annoying the life out of me, and my patience with them has been rather... non-existent. I'd like to think this could be a sign of hormonal changes, blah blah blah, but I'm not convinced. Not convinced of anything. Not convinced this baby will ever come out by natural means and worried I'll end up connected to machines again forcing a baby out of me that just doesn't want to come out.

However, a few positive points that I'm trying to hold onto are 1) the baby HAS moved down in the past couple of weeks. He went from at the brim of my pelvis last week, to 1/5 engaged this week. So these contractions maybe really ARE nudging him down. (He's posterior too, which is back-to-back in layman's terms, when ideally he should be facing the back not leaning against it.) And 2) from my own personal examinations (yes, prepare for TMI here), I am about 2 and bit centimetres dilated, which has increased from 1 cm earlier on. So there is some slight progress, which I'm trying to see in a positive light. After all, more than anything, I MUST stay positive. I am trying, I really am, but after last night and today, I just feel miserable. And I keep thinking, 'Three more weeks of this... can I bear that?' Surely not!

So, a bit of a moan here. But it kinda feels good to moan. I have been so positive and optimistic this whole pregnancy (well, I mean, in general.... I've had my bad spells too) that it just feels good to sort of lay out the negative feelings a bit. To lay out my fear that my body is screwed up and doesn't know how to give birth. To complain. To worry that my worries are what are blocking my body from doing it's thing. The mind IS very, very controlling, you know!

So, now, I will try to go make dinner and chill. I will pretend my kids are not still in their pajamas and that I'm not still in the same clothes I wore yesterday because I slept in them and couldn't be bothered today to change out of them or shower. I will just get on with the rest of this day and focus on the fact that no matter what, I WILL be holding my son in my arms in at LEAST three weeks, one way or the other.

I just hope it's the one way, not the other.

PS. I had two of those ridiculously annoying contractions while writing this, in case you are interested.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Nearly Baby

The time is near. Very, very soon, our first (and only for that matter) son will be here. Things are starting to come together for the Grand Finale, now that I am 37 weeks and officially considered 'at term'. I could still be another 5 weeks, or I could have a baby tonight. Who knows?

I've been madly rushing around trying to tie up ends that I before didn't even realise were loose. This is the last week of school, so I've had all the end-of-year school stuff to take care of, and not the least of these loose ends include getting teacher gifts for ALL of the teachers Fifi and Lolly have between them - seven in all. Though, I realised today, it's really more like eight, because there is a volunteer in Lolly's nursery who really ought to be recognised too. So I've been busy sewing reusable sandwich bags for the teachers to take for their packed lunches. Tonight, Fifi and I will make scones too to include in each gift bag, along with a small jar of jam (store bought) to complete the gift. Eight of these bags... they aren't hard to make, but eight does take a fair bit of time! Plus, I want to make some for Fifi and Lolly, so it's been a time-consuming (but inexpensive) project.

I've also been preparing all the baby stuff. Scott and I (mostly Scott) put together the baby hammock that our friend has kindly lent us to use. I've been washing and drying our cloth nappies to get them ready to strap on baby boy's bum. There has also been all the usual housework, which easily gets on top of you, especially when you are extremely large and unable to bend over and get winded just doing a load of laundry.

Because I'm now on maternity leave and not making money, I've also been busy putting things on eBay and trying to sell them. So far, I've had a lot of success, and have made a decent amount of money just selling maternity clothes I can't wear anymore and old baby clothes that belonged to the girls. So between taking photos, posting the items on eBay and making numerous trips to the post office, I've been quite busy with my eBay ventures.

The other major part of getting ready for this baby has been the physical and mental preparations. I've been attending HypnoBirthing classes on Monday nights, Aquanatal classes on Tuesday mornings, and have been to the hospital and/or doctor's surgery weekly for scans and antenatal appointments. I've been bouncing away on my birthing ball, practicing my HypnoBirthing techniques, and drinking raspberry leaf tea. My sister-in-law Kate has managed to get me some big sheets of plastic (in purple, no less!) for saving my carpets and bed linens. And speaking of carpets....

I've had to organise all the various prescriptions I might need for the birth (pethidine and stemitil, as well as oral Vitamin K), and today... dum dum dum! the entonox (gas and air) arrived! The NHS delivery man brought three big canisters of entonox to the house today, along with the rest of the birth kit, and, very kind delivery man he was, also inadvertently tracked in black mud onto my carpet.

This is the mud...

This is my face.

As soon as I shut the door behind him, I sprayed the spot with Vanish and luckily it all came out.

So that's us really, truly just about ready to have a baby. At home! I am beyond excited, and not the least bit worried about anything. Except the mildew in the bathroom, which simply must get cleaned up before I could possibly bring a little baby into the world.

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Project: Nesting - Part 2

Now that I'm officially off work, I've started getting down and dirty (literally) with my housework. Last night, I completely gutted the rabbits' den. I pulled out the cage, the rugs, the pen, the supply box, everything and hoovered and cleaned everything. Then I put it back together. I'd also bought a carpet protector for putting underneath the rugs, since Chewy, true to his name, has started tearing up the rugs, and I was afraid he'd tear straight down into the actual carpet. Unfortunately, after all that work last night, I discovered that the carpet protector wasn't big enough, so I had to go buy two more today to cover the rest of their area. So tonight, I'll be taking it all apart again and fitting two more protectors.

I have also started clearing out cupboards and bookshelves, and dusting them. I just finished cleaning the bathroom. I'm being ruthless, throwing out everything that isn't of greatest value or use to us. I have more laundry to sort, more toys to go through and clear out, new cloth nappies to wash/dry/wash/dry/wash/dry until I'm sure they will be absorbent enough, and lots of clothes to put on eBay.

I have two craft projects to start and then finish - a quilt and a wall hanging for my friend's son who should've gotten both for his birth but now will maybe get it for his first birthday. I have some mending to do. (I'll do that tonight! Yes, I will!) I need to clear out the shelves in the hall. I need to mop. I am going to make my house sparkle, and it's going to feel niiiice.

All this clearing out also means I need to make a trip to the destructor (dumpster) as all these bags of rubbish won't fit in my bins. I have already cleared out my car and have only to get it valeted inside now to feel like that job is complete. The kids will be set to the job of cleaning their own room, and then all I'll need to do is go in after them and hoover/sort stuff.

And then my house will be clean enough to accept the present my mother-in-law is getting me for Baby Bump - a couple of hours of housework from a cleaner. Yes, I believe in cleaning my house before the cleaner comes. I can't let her see the ACTUAL squalor that we live in, can I?? Besides, the house will be a tip again before she arrives later this week anyway.


Besides that, I'm feeling pretty energetic, for a 35 week pregnant woman. We took the kids to the park today. I'm doing a TinyTalk birthday party tomorrow. I'm going to an Aquanatal class on Tuesday. I'm EVEN considering putting on my pregnancy pilates DVD and doing some exercise. If Scott can remember to get the bicycle pump out of the cellar, I can even blow up my birthing ball and do some exercises on it. I saw some 1.5kg hand weights in a shop the other day for fairly cheap and am seriously considering buying them to work on my arm strength, to get my arms looking shapely instead of sausagey again. Ahh, bursts of energy are great until they are gone.

But before I start in again on my evening rituals of house-gutting, I think I need to relax with a cup of tea and a warm bath with bubbles. Yesss....