Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Viva la Scotland

Today is my last 24 hour day in the United States for a very long time.

I'm doing pretty well.

I saw my grandparents and aunt/uncle last night for the very last time. It was okay, I didn't cry. Mom is dropping me and Scott off at the airport quickly because she's got "Pillar Talks" at work that she can't miss. So there shouldn't be any tears there either. Dad will meet us at the airport around that time, and I already told him no tears. I'm just not in the mood for tears. Not yet. I'll cry later.

I have been a little depressed over the past couple days which I suppose is only to be expected. But I haven't been grumpy or difficult, just a little quiet. And tired. I am incredibly tired. I spent the better half of yesterday afternoon trying to stuff as many things as possible into our 4 suitcases and 2 carry-ons and 2 personal bags. I still don't know how I'm going to fit in the shampoo and other toiletries after Scott takes his shower.... They are full to bursting, I'm serious.

Meanwhile, we just have to run a few errands today, wash the car (to be sold), clean it out, and run to the post office. Then it's off to the airport. Au revoir.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I Am A Winner!

I won a Gamecube! Really! From Codemasters!

I entered a competition on their website simply because I wanted to play a little Flash game on there, which I seen on Milk And Cookies (read with caution, some risque content, but lots of funny stuff too). Well, I checked my email yesterday and there was an email saying I'd came in first, won a Gamecube, a copy of the game, posters, cards, stuff, yay.

So I'm happy about that.

I'm not so happy about the fact that I'm going to miss the Polyphonic Spree's next gig in Scotland. I'm working, and I've used all my holidays to come here and get married. In fact, I used more than all of my holidays, I still have to work a few Saturdays to make up for what I missed.


But something else made me happy today. I was sitting eating some porridge I made myself. Mmm. Then Lori laughed loudly while she was on the computer. Go read Amanda's blog for why she laughed.

Guess who had left the pile of pennies on top of the freezer so it'd collapse when Amanda opened it? Hehe. Surprise, Amanda!

Sunday, September 26, 2004

So. Only three more days and I'm out of the country.


I got my visa, easy as pie. Good thing. I am cleared for entry into the United Kingdom. The UK won't be big enough for the Lori!

I like being married. No, I love being married. I think what I love most is going to sleep with him every night beside me. And then waking up every morning, him beside me. Though I don't like trying to get him out of bed. He's a lazy-butt. Tomorrow morning I'm letting him sleep in though while I make chocolate gravy and biscuits (with bacon and eggs) for breakfast. My brothers don't live here anymore (We're at my parents' house) and my parents will both be at work so we have the morning all to ourselves. I might do some other things before I wake him up, like take a nice long bath and watch tv or something.

Scott and I were discussing in the car on the way to Cabot the other day our last five albums we bought. (We were talking about the application for KXUA, the student radio station, where this question is asked. I actually admitted to having received Extreme's Best Of album and they still hired me.) So my most recent to date are:
-The new Faint album
-Postal Service
-Wilson Phillips (*blushes)
-the Trainspotting soundtrack
-the Love Actually soundtrack

I'm way not hip. Yours? (And don't lie- I admitted to Wilson Phillips.)

We also talked about mixtapes and how painfully pretentious it is to make a tape of music one should get into. However, I have a nice sweet story of the best mixtape I ever got. My old roommate Katie and I were in a music store back before I was very into indie music. She asked me if I like Modest Mouse, and I shrugged. She asked me if I liked several bands, and I didn't know any of them. She kept saying, "You don't know Built to Spill?!" I got embarrassed and told her to stop announcing how musically uneducated I am. When we got in the car she apologized.

The next morning I got up for work and in the bathroom was a mixtape and a note. She said she was sorry for making me feel dumb, and to apologize she had made me a mixtape of many popular indie bands so I could know for myself if I liked them or not. She titled the mixtape "Don't feel dumb" and subtitled it "You don't have to like it." It was the nicest mixtape ever received. And I have subsequently purchased nearly all the albums featured on it. She did very good.

That is enough for tonight. I'm sliding back into the blogging spirit.

Love, Lori

Friday, September 24, 2004

LA: Just Like Home

LA is so much like Glasgow it was comforting. Although it was crazy expensive, that wasn't so hot. $20 for breakfast wasn't a lot of fun.

We got up crazily early to leave our cozy log cabin for the airport. We were flying standby thanks to a kind gift from a friend, so we had to be there as soon as possible. In the end, we got seats on every flight we tried for, which was good. The flight from LA to Dallas looked ropey, but some seats appeared from nowhere (I'm assuming cancellations, not an extension to the plane or anything) and all was well.

While we were there, we got Lori's visa, which was also crazy expensive. As was the cab fare there. If you like money, don't go to LA. The actual visa-getting was much easier than we expected it to be, other than the five hour wait.

Now we are back in Fayetteville. Lori and Manda are talking, laughing and stuff. Manda got a CUTE new hairdo. Very nice.

I'd like to thank everyone I know for coming to our wedding. I was so happy to see some faces there that I actually knew, I'm sorry if I didn't get a huge amount of time to talk to you guys.

The booty dancing wasn't taken up as well as hoped, but that's fine. That meant I got to leave the reception earlier. No complaints here, I can tell you.

When I get home, I'll fix up the blog in the few days before I go back to work. Just in case anyone thought they'd point out the intentional mistake in the title, etc. There are also new pictures awaiting for the top.

Speaking of pictures:

Actually, Blogger is being funny and not letting me post the picture without automatically parsing the URL. So just go to the photo gallery, click on the Scott and Lori album and go to the last page. There are a few pictures for your delectation there.

Thanks for all the comments. You make us feel loved.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


We are currently honeymooning so don't expect much of a post here-- we've got better things to be doing.

However, we had to leave our cozy cabin to come into town to get our marriage certificate (we go off for the visa tomorrow- could use prayers!), and we picked up our wedding pictures while we were here. 18 rolls. They are so good! Scott's gonna post 2 or 3 for ya now, but we'll save most of them for when we have time for a proper post.

Thanks to everyone who came to the wedding, particularly the out-of-towners (Benj, Joshua, Kristen, and Judah, etc.) We loved seeing/meeting you.

And we love being married. :D I love being Mrs. McFarlane. I keep wanting someone to call me that, but it hasn't happened yet.

We will blog more next week when we are in Cabot with my family. We're having so much fun!!!!

I won't give you the details.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

You're A Taco Bell!

Lori is a stressed girl today. People aren't doing things in the right order, she's having to change her schedule, she's not happy. Poor baby.

We're at a friend of her family's house. There are lots of people here, my family, her family, the family who live here, their friends, Lori's two aunts. It's crazy.

So I've escaped to a side room. I've had enough of wedding talk for today, but I know there is MUCH more to come. Ah well. The day after tomorrow all this is done. I think this might be the closest I've come in a long time to being stressed, mostly because I can't take charge because I don't know anything and I can't help out because I don't know anything.

We are seperated by far more than a common language.

We being the US and the UK.

Right now, Lori is decorating the groom's cake. It's got a big picture of me on it. Funny.

Have fun, everyone. And see you soon to anyone who is coming to the wedding. Email if anyone needs any help/picked up/blablabla.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Blindfolds and Funny Cards

Well, Lori decided that she'd head off and call that photographer. We're at the U of A (University of Arkansas, non-Arkansites) computer lab. Nice fast net connection. No dialup. Bleh. Sorry Manda.

I'm having a LOT of fun. Lori is going crazy, but she'll get by and we'll be married soon anyway. Yay.

I have my mandolin! That means I'm the happiest person in the world. My Lori is a lovely wife to be, you're right Benj.

She just got back, and is now correcting me. Heh. I am almost married indeed.

Thankfully, she laughed at that. I thought she'd hit me on the arm and call me a butthead.

Later. I'm off to sleep, I had to get up at 7!

Fuzzy Handcuffs and Delayed Flights

If anyone blames us for not posting, you're crazy! We're having a wedding in 3 days!

But to keep everyone happy, here's a wee post.

We are busy and crazy and I personally am losing my mind, but in a totally good way. Scott has been keeping me calm, which is a great feat. This is what I love him for, among other things.

A couple things have gone not as planned but I think we're working through it. (I am noticing that I'm leaving a lot of comma splices in this post--that's how busy I am!)

Tonight was my lingerie shower and Scott got a lot of cool stuff.

Scott's family is all here and I love having them around. Us four kids (me, Scott, Pete, and Kate--and possibly Amanda) are planning a wee scheme.... More on that later. It's a surprise. Ooh suspense....

This isn't coherent, is it?

That's enough for now. My mind is spinning in a hundred different directions right now and I've got quite a list of things to do that I need to check off. One is call the photographer right now....


Sunday, September 12, 2004

Scott is sitting behind me!!! He's playing Amanda's guitar. At least he's not playing his new pitch pipe that I got him to go with his new mandolin. (The mandolin's not here yet for him to play but Mom'll bring it up Wednesday. So for now it's the pitch pipe. I'm so glad he found a guitar to play instead.)

Ah, having him here feels so GREAT! I am so thoroughly happy. I love running around with him, running errands, or eating dinner. Whatever. I love all of it.

And I have been loving playing house. Now before any of you married types come on and tell me that'll get old quick, I know that already. But for now, I love ironing his shirts and asking what he wants for breakfast (though this morning I didn't make the pancakes he asked for, I didnt have time before church.)

Frankly, right now I could care less about blogging so I'm gonna go. I'd rather play with my Scott. (Plus its murderously scorching in this back room- no air circulation, I'm about to sweat to death.)

I'll talk later when I'm less hot and more bored with Scott.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Scott's gonna be here in, like, 11.5 hours. AYEIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Early In The Morning


It's 2:27. I'm staying up all night in an effort to battle the evil that is jet lag. Or prevent it, or something along those lines. I think it might be more to do with the fact that I don't want to have to wake up at 5:30.

I leave to get married in a few hours. These are my last few hours of being a kid, living in my parents house, not having to be too responsible, knowing that my parents will always tidy the kitchen when I can't be bothered to.

After today, everything is on my/our shoulders. I have to be a man. No longer a young man. An adult. A husband. Weird.

It's all very exciting. :).

I see Lori soon. My body clock will be thinking that it's like 4 in the morning on Saturday. I'll be grumpy. I hope she puts up with it. Not too grumpy, since I'll be very happy.

Yawn. I'm looking forward to sleeping on the plane. I hope they have Gameboy emulators on the little seat-screen things again. With new games. I finished the good'uns last time.

Coldilocks and the Three Brrrs/Party Like It's 1999

It's getting cold outside. I love that!

I was gonna be all ser./emo but not after having read Scott's post about the songs we're having at our reception.

It's gonna be a regular Junior High dance, folks. I might even ask my friend Evin to bring his karaoke machine. My ex-dj is making a mix for us as well which I imagine will be full of great surprises for everyone, except perhaps Mammaw and Pappaw. I suppose after 10 minutes Mammaw will be harping at me to "turn that racket down." (Daddy probably won't be too much of a fan either, but he'll be so sad that his little girl is going away that he won't say anything. Kinda like with the tattoo. He's learned to pick his battles in his old age.) Pappaw will still be fuming over the wine at the rehearsal dinner the night before, and as far as I know, dancing is a sin to them Pentycostals so I don't imagine him taking Mammaw by the arm and dancing the gig to "Two Become One". All this is ok though, because it's my wedding, and I want to dance!

I don't know if we picked enough slow songs. I'll have to look back over the list. I haven't put much thought into the way the reception should go. Perhaps we'll put in the ex-dj's mix while people are arriving and we're taking pictures. Then when we come in, we'll begin by dancing our dance (or is that too slow to begin the wild festivities? Perhaps we should enter with howling fanfare and kick off the dance party with Justin Timberlake- Rock Your Body.) We'll see how the evening goes. If you're coming to the wedding, my plan is to do my best to not be one of those snotty brides who suddenly forgets she has friends and walks around taking care of business. No, friends, my business is taken care of, let's rock our socks off! (There will be more business to take care of later, but we'll try to make it through a good part of the reception first.)

Scott and I will be dancing our famous first dance to the beautiful sounds of The Polyphonic Spree's "Days Like These (Keep Me Warm)". This song is very special to us- it brings back memories of last summer, sitting at his kitchen table late at night, before we had the nerve to hold hands or admit any affection, playing songs for each other and "innocently" playing footsie with our socked feet. Days like those have kept me warm during the long, cold separation, and a day like our wedding day will keep us warm for many more years to come. So "our song" seems appropriate for such a day and such a dance.

(Besides, The Polyphonic Spree grew out of Tripping Daisy, and how much more appropriate could you get for a Lori-wedding, short of Tripping Daisy itself? Only Radiohead would make it more Scott-n-Lori appropriate.)

This is gonna be a fun party. Andrew Byrns, be brushing up on your Savage Garden, for we've got some karaoking to do!

I can't wait to see/meet everybody.
(Mammaw would be shocked at the thought that I've got about 6 or so internet friends coming to my wedding- people I've never ever met in real life. It is rather disturbing in a way.)

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

3 posts in a day. We're making you guys look bad. You guys being everyone who doesn't post 3 times a day.

I just got finished making downloading the tracks for the mix cds. Some of them were deceptively tricky to lay hands on (for some reason, the New Radicals don't like to be downloaded). Of course, I own most of these tracks already, fear not, moral types. My cds are simply in big boxes waiting to move.

So they are burning as we speak. Behold:

Dancing Queen - Abba
Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Two Become One - Spice Girls
Sha Sha- Ben Kweller
In Other Words - Ben Kweller
Love Is All Around - The Troggs
Turn Me On - Norah Jones
Dance with Me - Justin Timberlake
Toxic - Britney Spears
Release Me - Wilson Phillips
Me, Myself & I - De La Soul
Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
You're The Inspiration - Chicago
Dylan In The Movies - Belle and Sebastian
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Rocket Man - Elton John
Crazy In Love - Beyonce
Heart's Design - Aqueduct
Get What You Give - New Radicals
Living On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye
It Must Be Love - Madness
Something - The Beatles
I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Nothing Compares To You - Sinead O'Connor
Hero - Enrique Iglesias
Break On Through - The Doors
Strumming My Pain - The 'Fugees
New York, New York - Frank Sinatra
Senorita - Justin Timberlake
Eternal Flame - The Bangles
Hey Ya - Outkast
Come What May - Moulin Rouge
Jump For Your Love - Pointer Sisters
God Only Knows - Beach Boys
Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden

Par. Tay.

Not To Be Outdone

By Lori's flagrant spamming of this blog, I shall post.

Kidding, dearest.

I've been a busy, busy bombus terrestris these last few days. Leases, passports, packing, work, stuff, rings, etc. It's been the busiest I think I've ever been. I even got up at 6 this morning!

Although, if I kept a closer eye on my passport, that could have been avoided. Either I, or my good employers, misplaced it at some point after I joined the company. I blame them, they blame me. They're probably right, but I'm sticking to my guns.

Right now I'm making the mix cds for our reception. I'm getting married in, like, no days. Wow.


I'm not fond of my poetry blog right now. I don't like to post on it because I know no one wants to go there and read poems. So I'm trying something new. From now on, when I feel like posting a poem, I will post here and post it simultaneously there. So if you ever like a poem and want to find it easily, it'll be there, at Drop of Daylight.

Because I'm moving to Scotland soon, and Scott will be here soon (3 days!!!) this is a wee poem inspired by the uninspiring gray skies of Scotland.

In Memory of Corduroy

Scotland skies on a normal day
mock that gray corduroy skirt
I wore every Tuesday, Chapel Day,
when I was ten.

Chapel with its dim lights and songs and prayers
shadowed my friendlessness like a friend.
I fit in with Mary and Jesus
who also wore homemade dresses
and messy hair.

The stained glass masked my stained
corduroy skirt, and praising the Lord
lifted my heavy eyes right to the pulpit
across the altar into the baptismal.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

About Nothing

I need to write a light-hearted post, lest I lose too many readers.

A Light-Hearted Post -by Lori

My favorite color is pink.

I don't know when pink became my favorite color, but at one point in time it suddenly thus became and was as if it always had been so.

I was a tomboy as a little girl. Though admittedly I had a penchant for Barbie dolls, I was far more interested in GI Joes and Transformers over baby dolls, dirty blue jeans over pretty dresses, and baseball over softball. And heaven forbid this child put on a pink anything. Oh I imagine the frustration I must've caused my poor mother when she tried to dress me in some pink garment sewn lovingly (or perhaps manipulatively) by my grandmother. I don't remember any specific time when I threw a fit over something pink, but I do remember the aggrevation I caused my dad when he tried to make me wear a pair of green tennis shoes they had bought me, and if I threw that much of a fuss over green tennis shoes, I can't imagine my reaction if a pink sundress was ever forced over my head.

But one day, I loved pink. And everyone suddenly accepted it as if I'd always loved pink. It was suddenly something that everyone knew about me, how much Lori loves pink. I had a pink bathroom in my first apartment, complete with pink towels, pink posters, a pink Powerpuff girl, and pink floor mat. Pink soap dispenser and trashcan, too.

Today I am wearing my pink coat. Saturday I was depressed because I couldn't find pink pillow shams to complete mine and Scott's bedding ensemble. (We are compromising with a brown and now purple bedroom.) [UPDATE: I think it's worth announcing that I just found the perfect pink shams on eBay and am trying to convince the seller to let me to Buy Them Now. Please pray.] I wear pink lipstick.

I wanted a pink wedding, but Scott said no. I love the red color I chose, but I still kind of wish it were all pink.

Here is an article about pink.

If you want to know why pink is my favorite color, this is why:
1. Some flowers are pink.
2. Some shoes are pink.
3. Pink is the color of blushing.
4. Pink is a girl color. And some boys can like pink, too.
5. Sometimes sunsets are pink.
6. Blondes sometimes look good in pink, and I'm a blonde now.
7. An old lady in Wal-Mart told me that she learned on Hollywood Squares that men like women in pink, any shade of pink, and she'd like to get a pink coat like mine.
8. Pink is cheeful and dainty and flirty all at once.

These are some of the reasons I like pink. My future daughters probably won't like pink, except for maybe Eleanor, certainly not Sophia, and this is just fine. I won't decorate my baby-girls' room in pink, but yellow because yellow is my second favorite color, and it's not so typical.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

I want to publicly apologize to David and Ingrid for announcing their engagement before they were able to tell everyone themselves. I was unaware that some people had not been told, and I'm sorry for spoiling the fun for anyone that did not already know. I feel awful.

Bad Days Make You Think

I am having an absolutely f'ing awful day. But I won't bore you with all of the grim details; no one likes a complainer.

But I will share something from the day that has caused my heart and mind to do some exploring.

I went to a funeral today. A guy at my church, age 27 I believe, died Friday of cancer. I didn't know him well, but he did go to my birthday party last year when he was new to the church, and you know how it is with people who come to your birthday parties--they hold a special place in your heart.

He had been married for about 2 or 3 months before he died.

His wife hardly said anything at all. I wondered how she was doing. She married him knowing he had cancer and might die. She didn't shed a tear or lose control. I couldn't gauge what she was feeling.

As people were sharing memories of Michael, and tears brimmed and spilled over the eyes of many there, Lisa finally spoke. She said, "People ask me if I hate God for taking Michael from me. I only knew Michael for eight months, but I'm just glad I knew him at all. I'm just happy for the time we had." It seemed like an odd thing to say, but after thinking about it, it made more sense. I wondered how I'd be doing if Scott died, and I couldn't imagine it, in fact, I refused to imagine it. The idea was too awful. Then I thought of my grandpa when my grandma died. I remember walking down the hall at the hospital and suddenly seeing this man burst into uncontrollable sobs. He'd lived his whole life with his darling wife, and he loved her very dearly. I imagined him saying the same thing, "I'm just so happy that I had all that time with her that I did."

All this made me realize how short life is. And how much of life we waste by being angry with one another or being bored. One person quoted Michael having once said, "I have so many things I want to do in my life. No one should ever be bored for one second because there is so much for all of us to do." I resolved then and there not to ever allow long periods of time to lapse where Scott and I are angry with one another. Life is too short to spend in anger or resentment or apathy. I imagined Scott and I fighting and the feeling one gets after a fight where they'd rather not even see that person. I realized I just want to be happy for all the time we have together, so when one of us dies, the other can say in truth that he/I am just happy for the time we did get. I don't want to waste that time. Scott could die a week after being married. I wouldn't want a moment of that week wasted. Fighting sometimes has to happen, and fighting can cause important things to get better or relationships to get stronger. But don't waste any extra time in resentment or apathy. Our time with our loved ones is short. I guess these are the typical things to think about after a funeral, huh.

In a related thought, I wish all my bad relationships could be fixed before I leave. But it seems impossible. Though I am instructed in God's Word to be the one who initiates resolution, I don't know how to do that when those with whom I am in bad relationships refuse to be confronted on the issue and would deny a need for restitution most adamantly...

Friday, September 03, 2004

Some Things of Note

1. Ingrid and David got engaged yesterday! It was their three year anniversary. The ring is gorgeous. They've been waiting for this a long time. Go to their respective blogs and congratulate them.

2. I think The Happy Husband is my current favorite blog to read. The posts are always so good. It's already recommended on my sidebar, but I am double-recommending it here.

3. Benj's blog post today was very insightful. It really caused me to think. (Once upon a time, Benj's blog was described on my sidebar as "deep".) He writes about our reluctance to preach the Gospel, and how we've justified simply living it in hopes that our life witness alone will save the world. As if faith doesn't come from hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. (Rom. 10:17) You might possibly be humbled. I certainly am.

4. I do not think I realize what a friend I have in Amanda. I just assume no one really cares much about me and really isn't interested in doing special things for me. But Amanda is not this way. I'm surprised and touched by how much she's thinking of me as this wedding approaches. I love her. BlogProps to Mandas.

5. Because I do not assume people care about me, this mass work-related email made me feel very good:

Dear Colleagues,

It is with the mixed feelings of happy-for-her and sad-for-us, that we bid farewell to Lori Arnold. Lori will soon marry Scott McFarlane and they will begin their new life together in his home country of Scotland.

Please join us for a wedding send-off and farewell reception on Monday, September 13 from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM at the University House, following the Development Group meeting. Since transporting gifts overseas will be a problem, those wishing to make a contribution to Lori and Scott's "Scotland fund" may do so through Leanna _______ in Advancement Services.

Lori began her work in Development in May 2002 as a part-time student worker, and has most recently fulfilled the full-time responsibilities of Report Writer for Ascend. She has excelled in all that she has done for Development, and we will miss her very much.

We look forward to having you join us on Monday, September 13.

6. Countdowns:
Wedding- 14 days
Scott's arrival- 6 days
Business days of work- 4 days

7. Wedding programs are at the printer, and I mailed my first big package to Scotland. (Cost me $94.60, too. Eek.) If you are considering moving overseas, start sucking up to rich relatives as soon as possible.

Have a great Labor Day weekend if yer lucky enough to be from the Good Ole U S of A, and sucks for you if you ain't! (I kid, I kid.)

ADDENDUM 8. I'm adding one more blog that I think is really cool and you should check out. I added it to my recommends but the Theology Thursday posts by Joe Missionary are really insightful. He's my kinda theologian. He relies on the Bible, not traditions and Sunday School.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

They Were Perplexed

Missing someone is a funny thing.

At first, it's a big, painful hole in your chest. You can't miss it. You see everything in relation to the fact that you have a bit of your torso missing.

But it's weird. You don't stay that way, you start to get used to having the pain. It doesn't seem like you do anymore. It doesn't fade, it's like toothache, eventually it settles into the background of everyday life, like the CD that is constantly repeated at your crappy job.

Until something disturbs it.

When you have toothache you can't leave the tooth alone. You prod it occasionally, and it hurts like nothing else. It's like that when someone is missing for a long time. Every now and again, it'll hurt really badly, worse than at the start.

That's what makes it horrible. The ambush. The knowing that it hurts, that every day isn't right, but that you have to continue anyway. The half feeling of guilt that the pain isn't as fresh as it was when she walked up the airport gangway and turned at the top. You miss her, but you can't remember not missing her. So it's normal. It feels wrong for something like that to be normal to you.

Sigh. One week and one day and all this nonsense will be over. I'll have Lori, I'll never have to watch her walk away from me again, without knowing I'll see her again soon. This is a good thing.

Lori's Thoughts

1. Whenever someone votes on our Mini Poll, an email is sent to me saying "Someone has just voted!" and it tells me which question was answered and what answer was chosen. (It's anonymous, of course.) Scott and I in a brainstorm once decided on several poll questions together. When one of us brought up the "Scott or Lori?" question, we were a little worried our feelings might end up getting hurt. We thought it was funny though so we chose to keep it.
As it turns out, the effect is just the opposite of what we expected. When someone answers "Lori" I frown, and I don't like it. But when someone chooses Scott, I'm thrilled! Literally, I just cheered out loud when I got one of these emails. I want Scott to win. I like people to like him better. I like him better myself.

2. Even though I'm getting married in only 16 days, I don't feel like it's even close. It has not yet sunk in that Scott will be here in 9 days and that we'll be espoused a week later. Scott still feels a million miles away. I think I might blow up when I see him at the airport. I just have no way of anticipating what it's all going to be like. I've been making a point to pray more about that.

3. I need to make a point to pray more in general. I realize that I hardly ever spend any amount of time in prayer at all these days. I often think to say a couple of things to the Lord here and there throughout the day, but I don't think that's what He wants. If I just passed Scott every once in a while and said, "Hey, go help Grandma, she's not feeling well", I don't think Scott would feel very appreciated. This morning in the shower I prayed a lot. I used to make a point to pray in the shower every day, for you've got a good fifteen minutes there that is completely open thought-wise. It doesn't take concentration to shampoo your hair. So I want (and need) to spend more time with God. Just thinking and talking about Him isn't enough.

4. I'm worried that Scott and I are going to get to Scotland together and discover a gazillion things we didn't know about each other--having never been in close proximity--and our marriage is gonna be really hard. But I'm also convinced this won't happen. But then I worry that I'm not worried enough, and I should worry more. Then something tells me to stop worrying. But I can't decide if I'm supposed to or not.

5. I've realized that I haven't shared my excitement about moving with Scott nearly enough. He probably thinks I'm dreading it and this is all a big sacrifice and that I'm unhappy. I need to make more of a point to show my excitement to him. Everyone else gets to see it (more than they want probably). So then... Scott, I want you to know that I cannot WAIT to live in Scotland. I can't wait to wear my sweaters and my coats and walk around in the rain and drink Irn Bru and go to pubs with you for lunch and make you American dishes for dinner. I can't wait to make our house a home and paint the walls with you and buy fresh flowers from Tesco to put in our new pretty vases. I can't wait to wake up every morning before you and see you sleeping soundly and just lie there in the silence with you. I want to move to Scotland more than anything. I love it there, Scott. It will be my home in no time because anywhere with you would feel like home.

6. I watched Billy Elliot last night and couldn't decide what I would do in that same situation. Of course, me being a lover of ballet, I'd love it if any of my kids wanted to dance. But would Billy Elliot's drive to dance and the empowerment he felt from it be the same had his dad been supportive the whole time? Would he have given up sooner if he hadn't needed so badly to prove himself and if he didn't have all that frustration built up inside him? Part of me thinks it would be smarter to act like I didn't approve in hopes that he would try all that much harder. But that's crazy reverse psychology if I've ever heard of it, and I don't think reverse psychology is all that trustworthy...

7. I have a really proud and arrogant attitude, not to mention I'm quite volitile. But I need to work on those things really badly. I need all this pride and anger purged from me at whatever price.

8. Scott called me a pessimist twice last night. I'm calling myself one today. I got a letter from the Dean's Office saying they could not approve me for graduation because I had not yet defended my Honors Thesis. Well, indeed I most certainly had, and I threw a fit. The last thing I need is a major hold-up in my academic status right before I move away and try to get a visa and a job. I talked to a lady yesterday who seemed completely unconcerned and completely laid back about the situation, and it pissed me off big time. I know my life doesn't matter to her, but it's her freaking job to take care of things.
I was humbled this morning when I had a voice message saying she'd found the problem, it was fixed, and I'd get my diploma at the same time as everyone else. Shamed. I should be less of a pessimist.