Monday, May 31, 2004

A Foreigner I Will Truly Be

It hasn't really occurred to me until today that not only am I getting married in three and a half months, but I am leaving everything I know in three and a half months.

I have only three and a half months left to spend with my family, to spend living in America... I don't think I've really grasped that yet. With a wedding to plan and the excitement of being with Scott, I haven't thought of what else this wedding means.

I will most likely never move back here. Immigration is too difficult for foreigners (Scott) that unless God called us back here, there would be no point in going through the hassle. So I'm wondering, how will I live six time zones away from Mommy and Daddy? How am I going to live somewhere knowing that I can't just drive home when I miss them? I love my family. I love my aunts, I love my uncles, I love my cousins and grandparents, I love my friends. What is Christmas going to be like without Aunt Phyllis's loud mouth and Uncle Jon's poking everyone in the ribs when they least expect it? What will November be like without Thanksgiving? When do I put up the Christmas tree if there is no day after Thanksgiving? Who do I call to find out how to make a pot roast? Who will I call to ask questions about eschatalogy? How will I feel knowing that I can't lay my head in my mommy's lap when I'm lonely or sad?

I will have Scott. I'm not forgetting this. I will have Scott's family. I really love Scott's family. They will be there for me. But they don't know me like my family knows me. They aren't like my family. They don't know what hurts me and what makes me laugh. I can't even understand a lot of what they say. They will be a good family for me, but they won't be the same family that raised me, that taught me about Jesus, that made me who I am.

Scott will be patient with me, I know, and he will love me. He will be my husband and my provider and my best friend. It's just that he will be one person who doesn't make a lot of noise when to me a family is a group of people who make too much noise.

In three and a half months, I will never eat okra again. I will never see almost everyone I know again. I will lose touch with the people that have been a part of my life since I was born. Some people may die before I am able to come back and see them. I will not live in Arkansas, the place where I was born and have lived my entire life. I won't even live in this country. I've never been a huge patriot, but there is something so scary about leaving your homeland. I will be a foreigner. I will be the loud American in train stations that people hate. I will be the stupid American who doesn't understand how to order in restaurants. I won't know where I am. I won't know what people are saying to me. They will know as soon as they meet me that I am a foreigner. I won't fit in. I won't have friends. I won't know anyone. I won't feel like an American or a Scotswoman (?). I will not have a national identity. I will be an alien.

I've talked long enough about this so I will end it here. The bottom line is I will have my God. And wherever I go, there He will be also. I will also have my husband and eventually my children. I will never be alone. I will start my own family and make new friends. I will never have another Amanda and I will never have another Mom or Dad. But God will provide for me all that I need, and Scott will be my new best friend and my new family. I am lucky to be marrying someone that fills those positions so fully. Eh, I have nothing more to say. The End.

Sunday, May 30, 2004


Hello everyone,

Due to public demand, I'm posting again. I'm a bad blogger, I know.

Well, I got offered the job with the bank (The Royal Bank Of Scotland, fact fans). They just need to do a reference check and for me to fill in my contract, whenever that comes through. Then I'll escape the drudgery of KFC.

And enter the drudgery of dealing with mortgages all day long. Still, it's more money.

Today at church was the day me and two of the other guys were meant to organise the second meeting. We forgot. Well, me and Stevie forgot. The other guy just didn't come. So it was frantic. We cobbled together whoever we could find to do things to fill out the hour.

Anyway, I fronted it, meaning I had to stand up in front of people and introduce things, make pleasant conversation, attempt humour, pray at the end. I HATE doing that kind of thing. However, today made me feel more confident about it, since people laughed at my jokes and such like.

I'm getting married in 14 weeks or something. If that's not the scariest thing ever, I don't know what is. Maybe WW3 or something would beat it, but I'm still a little nervous. Not because I don't think Lori is completely splendid (which, of course, I do), but more because I don't know how to be married. I don't know how to have a house, have someone you have to be accountable to, etc.

It's all a big step. I'm becoming an adult and my not-so-little inner child is throwing a bit of a tantrum. But not in a way that I don't want to do it, more just that I'm nervous. I'm sure it'll all fall together nicely.

Ok, now you see why I don't blog often. I'm a terrible writer. Lori's posts are all organised and topiced. Mine look amateurish in comparison ;).

Thursday, May 27, 2004

The Ultimate Wedding Blooper

I had a funny funny dream last night.

It was our wedding day. We were having the wedding at my grandmother's house. The wedding was scheduled for 2; at 2:30 the only people there were me, Scott, and my parents. Then comes in Devon, one of my bridesmaids. My feelings were so hurt that no one had decided to come to our wedding. Not even Amanda, my maid of honor! So we went ahead and did the ceremony with no one there to witness it.

After the honeymoon (which was not included in the dream) I came back and went to Amanda's house. I angrily stomped in and yelled at her for not coming to my wedding. "That was the most important day of my life and you didn't even come!" As it turns out, she had slept through it. This was no excuse to me and I continued to yell at her. While I was yelling, thoughts were running through my head as to why no one came. I wondered if my directions had been bad. As I yelled I tried to remember what I had put on the invitations. Then slowly, oh so slowly, I realized.... "Oh. No." I said. "Oh, no! The wedding was supposed to be at the church!" Suddenly absolute panic surged through my body as I pictured a church full of 200 guests wondering where the bride and groom were and when the ceremony was going to start. What a disaster!

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

UPS Tracking

Thanks to this amazing system, I know that our wedding invitations are somewhere in the town next door in a UPS van. This means that they should be headed here next.

I am so excited I can barely contain myself!!! I don't even want to go to work, I just want to wait here until they come!!

*EDIT: They're HE-RE!

Monday, May 24, 2004

Wedding Present

Scott, will you get me one of these??

It happens quite often. I have a random dream about a random person from the past and then I get news about them a few days later. Usually bad news.

It happened again. My dear old friend Billy is in the hospital. It's fatal. Oh God, please save him!

Thursday, May 20, 2004

*theme tune*

Scott update.

I'm rather confident that I got the job in the bank. This is a good thing. It makes life a lot easier, anyway.

This is the job who's call centre burned down when they were supposed to call me, then gave me an interview date sometime in 2190. Which was a few days ago.

It went well, I was my usual charming self, the guy wants me to work in his team, which means working crappy hours, but better pay/promotion opportunities/training. I'm torn.

Anyway, that's about it.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Love Hurts

Nothing like sad music on a sad day.

Here are a couple of pictures. On a sad day you are allowed to post (and take for that matter) ridiculous pictures.

*At Cinko and Wage's request.

Ok, Scott. You need to post. I'm just getting silly.
I'm thinking about running away.

I have never run away before, but the idea has always been appealing to me. I think now that I'm 22 and still single, this is the perfect time to run away. I mean I have a car, money, and many places to go. I may possibly be the first kid to run away to her parents house, though.

I'll never get another opportunity to run away anyway. I'll be married soon and then I can't run away because that's called desertion. Besides, I don't want to run away from my hubby.

But I do want to run away from my current life. I want to run away from work, from summer classes, from my apartment, from town. I want to run away from financial obligations and people and just go home and be a kid one more time before it's no longer allowed.

This weekend will be a good time to run away. My summer classes don't start until Monday.

NUTS! I can't run away this weekend! I have an appointment with my bridesmaids and flower girl to try-on dresses. I HATE adulthood!!


Tuesday, May 18, 2004

I've cut my hair too short. Yikes.

(Pictures to come)

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Rock with the Aqueduct

The Aqueduct show was an absolute blast Saturday! I haven't had so much fun in a long time, not since Spring Break when I spent eleven glorious days with Scott. I'm glad Chris and Lincoln were there--they made the party a par-TAY! It was great to see Andrew having such a wonderful time, too. I don't know how to describe the wonderful time I had except it was Aqueducteliscious. U.S.E. (United States of Electronica) was absolutely awesome, too. I suppose all this is to say, Get Into Both of These Bands. If you are from Seattle, you need to know what I'm talking about.

Now, that was Saturday night that I had such a blast. The rest of the weekend I've been cranky and moody and emotional and teary. Scott is such a sport. He is sympathetic and loving to me even when I'm being ridiculously sensitive. I love him.

In other news, Kim is moving to Edinburgh for the summer. Edinburghers who read this should meet her.

I'm gonna get in bed now. Doesn't that sound perfect?

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Yay to Jonathan for sending us this picture he took when we were at his house in March!

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Horror among horrors.
These pictures are vomitous.

Yet somewhat obligatory?

Me and Dad
Me and Mom


Monday, May 10, 2004


This new blogger layout could scare me back to Xanga ;).

Well, I've been working and working and working of late. Tomorrow is my first day off in a while. I'm going to look for another job and a house and some smart clothes.

Sometimes I wish that I could go back to waking up at 12 every day and teaching myself guitar. Being unemployed was a great laugh while it lasted.

There is a can of Easy Cheese upstairs in the break room.
There is also a box of crackers.

1. I am hungry.
2. I am on a diet.
3. I love Easy Cheese.
4. Easy Cheese is bad for me.

I've eaten three crackers with Easy Cheese.
I must stop.
I don't want to.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Today I am Batman. With a red stole and a medallion.

Today I get to sit through 2500+ other Batmen.

Congrats to all you other Batmen out there!

Thursday, May 06, 2004

I haven't gotten all my grades yet, but in the class that I skipped my final test in, I made an A! I'm so glad I didn't bother taking that dumb test. So there, Scott, Mr. "You Should've Taken the Test" McFarlane!

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Wedding Update

We got the church. Hurray! Hurray for Jesus! Hurray for answered prayer!

(I was afraid the church would be booked the weekend of our wedding, but it is not. I was a little panicked. So yay God for taking care.)

We now get to have a piano. And an aisle. An altar. And parking spaces. Yay!

Now, on to finding a reception hall...

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Last Words

The last line of my last undergrad college paper ever:

...He embraces those attributes which define classic masculinity, and this becomes one of the most seductive qualities to his love poetry.

The end. Good bye, University of Arkansas. I am a graduate. Cum Laude.

Monday, May 03, 2004

I am:

1. Taking my time with finishing up the semester.
2. Antsy for this wedding.
3. Graduating Saturday.
4. Enrolling for summer school.
5. Nervous.
6. Glad I got telling my boss the sour news over with.
7. In love.
8. Contrasting the ways in which the following authors describe erotic desire in the following poems.
9. About to go see a doctor.
10. Feeling quiet.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

This is a good story. I went to see onelinedrawing tonight (Jonah was supporting some bigger bands, along with Ian from Rival Schools on guitar).

Me and my brother were driving up after I finished work. This caused us to be a little late, so we joined the line somewhere near the end. We missed Jonah playing. We were not impressed.

However, it turns out he only played a 15-20 minute set, since he was getting booed by Funeral For A Friend's ignorant fanbase. Which is funny, since FFAF idolise the guy.

As he always does, he was selling his own merchandise without a stall, just out of a cardboard box (this guy is so indie it hurts). Me and my bro, along with a few friends went to talk to him. My friend is a regular on his boards, so kinda knows him.

Well, we told him our sob story. He let us into a little secret. He was going to do an acoustic set in the bar when the headliners were on, before scurrying off to do a song with them (a far cover, The System). Well, we got in there and a security guard (a big, big, big angry man) told him off and wouldn't let him do it.

It was ok for him to stand around and talk to us, but not sing us a song. Confusing.

Anyway, we suggested we go outside. The guard couldn't do anything about that, but he was far from impressed and told us we wouldn't get back in if we went out (load of crap, but no one wanted back in). So we all trooped out. There were maybe 15 of us. We were excited. This was cool.

On our way out, we realised that Jonah wouldn't be able to get back in on time to sing with FFAF. This would have won him a fair few fashionable fans. He didn't even mention it, he just walked out with us and sang 6 or 7 songs outside in the cold, round the side of the building sheltering behind a big truck.

It was hugely cool. Most of us knew the songs, so it turned into a bit of a singalong. Jonah got a bit emo and emotional, talked about God a bit, said that Bush and Blair were a pair of monkeys and generally chatted.

It ruled. We loved it. He's a nice guy, too. Yay.

I just copied and pasted this from my CGR post, sorry if you have to read it twice.