Wednesday, December 31, 2003

I know, I know, it's been ages since I've written. I know you all have been anxiously been checking my blog once or twice daily to see how everything went. Well here's a brief recap.

Scott actually made his connecting flight in Chicago but I didn't know for sure so Amanda and I waited at the airport only half expecting to see him. Actually, not expecting to see him. I was freaking out. But he arrived and I was so excited and we hugged and made the cute older Oklahoman lady cry. She was touched.

Everything's been fun so far. Scott is so nice to me. He's so good with all my friends and my parents and my brother and he's making this a really good trip. I dreamed last night that he left and when I woke up this morning I was relieved he was still here. I got up and went to the living room to wake him up and tell him so. And he wasn't even annoyed. (It was a little early.)

I know this is short and I could tell all sorts of stories but we're on our way to Graceland in a few hours so I have to go pretty up my hair and pack my bag. More on this story at eleven.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Well I had a merry Christmas. Got lots of kitchenware. In fact, I don't think I got much of anything else... A shirt, a blanket, and kitchenware.

Lots of it.

I hope my dear readers also had good Christmasses/Hanukkahs/etc. May you all get more kitchenware.


PS. My darling will be here in approximately 48 hours.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

But then again, he's so wonderful.

Having a boyfriend in another country is risky business.

I'm scared out of my wits today.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Choices, Choices

It's a winter break Saturday and I have so much I want to do. I want to clean the house. I want to write poetry. But most of all, I want to read books.

But there are so many books I want to read. So far this morning I have started three different books and couldn't settle with a one because I wanted to read so many more. I'm torn between meaningless fiction and quirky poetry and classic short stories and theological treatises and Christian Living... I want to read James Tate's Shroud of the Gnome and James Joyce's Dubliners and Voltaire's Candide and Nathaniel Hawthorne's short stories and C.S. Lewis's Four Loves... I don't have enough time to read all the books I want to read before school picks back up, and I'm forced to read Hamlet for the millionth time and Beowulf again...

I can't wait to graduate and start reading all the books I've collected over the past four years that I've been unable to read.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Today at work is party day, like in elementary school when it was the last day of school before Christmas and all the mothers brought in snacks and you had a party day and you cleaned out your desk and didn't have to do any work, you just got to bounce in your seat til it was lunchtime and after lunch time you ate lots of snacks like cupcakes and candy and juice and cookies. Today at work is like grown-up version of that with all kinds of grownup snacks like cheese spread and cheesecake and a vegetable tray and crackers and truffles. Yummmm... Yeah for Christmas food!

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Dean's List

I made all A's!!!!!!!!

I have a 4.0 for the semester!!!!

Jesus is so incredible!!!!!

I get a letter from the Dean and from the Chancellor to put on the fridge!!!!!!

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!

[Edit]- Just for the record, my three Shakespeare test grades are as follows:
Test 1: A- - -
Test 2: B (+)
Test 3: A-/B+
A professor who gives grades that descriptively is a professor I'd take again.

I found this article from a friend's blog. I think this is right on. Calvinist ideas are tough to accept and even tougher to convince others of. Since I'm so inadequate in my understanding, I'm always pleased to find someone who knows what he/she is talking about.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

All right, last time I kicked ass with an awesome 3.9 on this picture:

I'm setting my sights a little higher. Let's see if this hot photo is hot or not. (May take a day to load. Come back again and revote for me if it's not up. And then come back again and keep voting over and over.)
Twice this past week God has blessed me out of a grumpy state.

Last Friday a group from my office went to the nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the people living there and to deliver presents. I woke up from a nap grumpy and needing to leave. I had my Shakespeare test the next day, and I needed to study but I'd already committed to this. I was grumpy with my roommates about it and not looking forward to it all. I went with a bad attitude, but God blessed me anyway. Seeing the look on those people's faces when we sang and their eyes lighting up when they got presents filled me with joy. One lady in particular captured my heart. She is a very alert old lady who's family lives in New York. She doesn't get many visitors or Christmas presents. We asked if she'd like us to help her open her presents. She said no, she just wanted to look at them for a while. My heart broke for her as well as welled up with love. I left feeling so happy that I'd gone and feeling such joy for lighting up a few lonely lives.

The next morning I had to wake up at 5:30 for my final. (See a few posts down for picture.) I was so grumpy and mad that the snow hadn't canceled school and that I had to go take this test I was not ready for. I found it appalling that I had to be out and about at such an early hour. But again, God blessed me. Driving through the snow at the break of dawn was the most beautiful thing I'd experienced in a long time. The sky was the lightest gray as the sun slowly came over the horizon. Everything was white. It felt holy. I listen to hymns a lot in my car and one particular hymn was playing as I drove to school. Morning has broken like the first morning. Blackbird has spoken like the first bird. Praise for the singing, praise for the morning, praise for them springing fresh from the Word... I felt so at peace with the Lord and so blessed for all the beauty of the world he made for us, thankful for snow, thankful for Him, thankful for this early morning drive through creation. Praise with elation, praise every morning God's recreation of a new day.

Monday, December 15, 2003

Benj wrote about Christmas Anticipation Boy. [<--scroll down a few posts to read.]

I'm going to write about Day-After-Christmas Hate Girl.

Scott was supposed to arrive to me on December 26th. You can imagine the anticipation we were feeling. Counting down the days from 102. Each day the number got smaller. Once December came, I thought I couldn't stand it any longer. I thought my heart was going to burst. This morning I woke up, and like so many mornings I immediately thought "Eleven more days!" The excitement was too much, just like it is every morning when the number is smaller. I got ready for work and checked my email. There was one message waiting for me. I opened my hotmail and the email was from Scott-- the subject was "bad news." In this email he told me that his airlines had changed his flight so much that he was now leaving a whole day later. He now won't be here until December 27th. I burst into tears. "God that's so not fair!" I was already frustrated anyway because my new haircut is too hard to fix and now my eleven days just GREW for the first time ever.

I complained about it to God all morning. "God this sucks! I'm so disappointed. I know you probably have a reason, but I don't know what it is." Then I felt God say, as he does so often, "Walk by faith not by sight." So I guess he wasn't gonna let me know why he changed the dates on me. I grumpily agreed to accept that as an answer but it still didn't seem fair. I found myself cursing the airlines in my mind all morning. I decided Christmas sucked.

Oh yeah. Christmas.

It then dawned on me that Christmas this year hasn't even been on my mind. I haven't thought about Christmas, I've just thought about Scott. All my attention was focused on the day Scott would arrive. Christmas was just an event to make that day come sooner. I realized that regardless of all the "May God bless you as we celebrate Jesus' birth"s I scrawled on Christmas cards, I have not once this year stopped to consider Jesus' birth myself. I wasn't celebrating Jesus' birth at all, I was celebrating Scott's arrival.

I realized this and understood that this flight delay is ultimately good. It still hurts, it certainly made me miss him all the more, but sometimes it takes crappy circumstances to remind us of what is important. Scott's not the most important thing in my life. Jesus is. Scott doesn't even come close. When God made Adam, God was all Adam needed. God was Adam's Lover and Beloved. Yet God humbled himself and made Adam an earthly Eve, knowing that throughout the duration of time man would consistently replace God with her. I never want to replace my real Lover and Beloved with a human replica. We are so blessed to have a God who made us to need him alone to be sufficient. And we are blessed all the more that he allowed human helpers to be our companions here on earth.

So the moral of the story is, my Real Boyfriend has a birthday coming up, and I nearly forgot it. I'm going to celebrate His birthday, and when Scott gets here, we will continue to celebrate our true Love together. Because he's got a Real Girlfriend, too, who isn't me.

*Example of God's humility toward Adam and Eve was not my own realization. From Wild At Heart by John Eldredge.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Just for the record, please note that I have been up since 5:30 on this Saturday morning. The snow
wasn't enough to cancel school. In one hour I have to go take a Shakespeare test. I must say
I'm hardly ready.

I think I might even be up before my boyfriend who lives six hours in the future. What a horrible thought.

Wish me luck.
*falls asleep on keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

Friday, December 12, 2003

Final Exam No. 3: Communications:


Articles like this totally make me want to join in on the fun. I'm going to go out and buy some of these next time I get the cash. Who wants to play with me?

Rumor has it that inclement weather is expected starting this evening at 5:00. We have been notified that there is a good chance final exam schedule will be halted tomorrow and resumed on Sunday. This means unbelievably good news for me. I have my Shakespeare final tomorrow and if the University closes tomorrow for snow, I will get a whole day more to study for it! If the snow happens to be so bad that the University closes on Sunday (which is unlikely) these tests will be moved to next Thursday. Granted that kind of sucks but wow-- imagine a whole week more for studying! I could watch ALL the movies: Hamlet, King Lear and I think there is a Winter's Tale out there. (As I've mentioned before, I don't want to see The Tempest for artistic reasons.) Yay for snow!

Final Exam No. 2- History of Literature:


Thursday, December 11, 2003

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Scott was supposed to shower me with compliments and affection but he must've forgotten that part. Oh well, he's a good boy for doing that for me. He likes me. *smile. He's the sweetest person in the world. Big hug in 15 days!
Final Exam No. 1- Folk/Popular Music Traditions:


It's still finals week. I have my first final today, one I haven't even begun studying for. It's in two hours.

Why haven't I studied for it?

Because I have this other final which has taken up ALL my study time. It is that History of Literature take home. Oh, Suzanne MacRae, don't consider that we are also needing to study for CANDIDO's Shakespeare test or our other UPPER LEVEL English courses. Please just allow us to dedicate ALL our time to your stupid survey class, a LOWER LEVEL introductory course to 17th century literature.

I'll just continue to devote all my attention to you.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

The closer it gets to Scott being here, the worse the anticipation hurts. It hurts to countdown the days now. It's 17 days 'til he gets here; that seems too far. I can hardly read his emails because it hurts too much. I miss him so much.

Last night Melana chose Jason over Adam. I know I said I liked Jason a few posts down but after last week I realized that Adam was the one for her. Adam is perfect. Jason is pretty much boring. He's really sweet, but he's nothing compared to Adam. Last night Adam proved himself to be every girl's dream- and Melana chose Jason instead. Amanda, Ingrid, and I cried. Bradley didn't cry but he knew she chose the wrong dude. After she did that I realized that she was not perfect for him. Adam deserves so much better than Melana. Adam deserves the world. How many honest, funny, attractive, (rich), selfless, humble, confident, not arrogant guys have come into your lives lately? Melana. Bad call. Adam. You're awesome.

If it weren't for History of Lit my life would be so much more calm right now. I could study for Shakespeare and make an A. I could get on the Dean's List (4.0 List). If it weren't for this damn class...

I got a paycheck today that was pretty nice. Good thing, too, because it's my last full paycheck until January. Thus I get to pay rent AND all my bills out of this one check. I now have $30 left over. Glad I've done my Christmas shopping.

Is the violence rate higher or lower or the same in the UK as it is in the US? Do kids stab each other on busses in Britain like they do in America?

Friday, December 05, 2003

-finished Tripping Daisy paper, turned it in, wish I'd put more songs on the tape, done.
-received take-home final for History of Lit, it looks like poop.
-work is stressful this week, unexpectedly.

The Post:
If As You Like It is my favorite Shakespeare play, The Tempest is coming in second. I haven't actually read it yet, but I will this weekend, and from what we've discussed in class about it, I think it's simply wonderful. I hope I never see a production of it because the pictures in my head of Ferdinand and Miranda, and of Prospero and Ariel and especially Caliban are beautiful. Ferdinand is this cute 15 or 16 year old boy with reddish-blonde curly hair and a smooth complexion. Miranda is tall and has rosy cheeks. I think her hair is brown, dark brown, but she's very pretty. Prospero is tall with gray hair and wears a black garment. Ariel looks like a tall man with lots of flowy clothes. And Caliban, oh pathetic Caliban, is a hunched over half-naked black man who runs around with his arms swinging but makes frustrated and sad faces and has a very brooding attitude. If I were a good painter, I'd paint what I see in Caliban. He is a terrifying character, but so ... pitiful as well. How can you help but feel sorry for Caliban? I want to live on the island of the Tempest. With Rosalind and Orlando and Celia from As You Like It as well of course. I think they'd like the island. Though Celia would miss court too much. Rosalind and Miranda would make great friends, I bet. So would Orlando and Ferdinand. Maybe Celia should stay where she is with Oliver and have babies and stuff.

The only problem is if I lived with those people, I don't know if they'd like me so much. I'd be too in love with their boys. Add Billy Budd and you've got all my literature crushes right there together in one place.

The end.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Yay for Benj for putting my "xanga" (it's not a real xanga) on his xanga links. (Xanga makes you be a xanga in order to have your link on a xanga, or in order to leave comments on someone else's. It's totally stupid.) Benj, how would you like to be on my blogger? :) Yay for Benj.
I feel like the ultimate grogster today. Tuesday at work was a breeze. I had so little to do. I have to finish my research paper tonight so I thought I'd bring my disk and my articles to work with me so I could work during my downtime. Downtime, ha! I haven't had any downtime today! I've been working non-stop all day. Ask anyone I usually chat with during the day, like Kate, and they'll tell you- I haven't even had chat time today!

Anyway so I feel pretty worn out, and my typing fingers are sore. So are my shoulders because my desk is a little too high for my chair. *Adjusts seat height. *Seat lowers. *Seat won't raise now. *Jackie and Lori wrestle with chair to make it rise. *It rises enough. *Out of breath.

When I get home, I'm going to fix myself a nice plate of cold pizza, and dang it, if only I had some colas left I'd make a nice whiskey and coke for my nice hot bubble bath I'm going to prepare myself. Then I will put on pajamas and get to work on my paper. I will finish my paper and go to bed. I will wake up on Friday and live a Friday.

The love of my life will finally be here in 22 days. Tick tock tick tock....

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Oh did I mention how bad it SUCKS to have convictions about bootlegging software? :) I'm considering a large purchase...

[EDIT]- I made my large purchase. I'm the owner of some kick-ass software.
Men are April when they woo, December when they wed

(Assuming I quoted Shakespeare correctly:) That's my quote for December. Because it's December. December is a lovely month. It's cold in December-- that's a Paper Hearts quote. It also has a pretty name. December. Christmas is in December. December makes me think of light blue. I'd like to have a light blue wedding in December. This December also means Scott, who will be here in three weeks.

April on the other hand is my birthday month. The birthstone for April is a diamond. I always thought that was so boring when I was little- who wants a clear birthstone when you could have garnet or saphire or emerald. Now I'm happy I have diamond. It's simple. Simple and beautiful and pure. April is also Spring. April showers bring May flowers.

Whatever. That's not the point of this post.

The point is I have 3 more days of classes before finals. I have a paper, a painting, and four tests. My paper, which I am writing about Tripping Daisy, is due Friday now instead of Wednesday. Praise God because I've barely started. I'm going to finish the bulk of it tonight. The painting I've chosen is a Kazimir Malevich painting; we're doing a study. My tests that will be easy are Communications and Folk/Pop Music. My tests that will be hard are History of Lit and Shakespeare.

But come Saturday of next week I'll be done. After Shakespeare at 7:30 in the morning. I think I'll have Thai food that day.

This post was for the most part a consolation to myself that everything is drawing to a close on the Fall 2003 semester. Not so much about you knowing what's up but me laying it all down. It's my blog and I'll say what I please. *humph*

Monday, December 01, 2003