Self-Interview

I’ve written numerous posts in the last few days at work, but since I can’t access blogger from here, I haven’t ended up posting any of them. I come home and can’t be bothered getting on the computer to publish a post that I wrote hours ago that no longer seems interesting. There is a distinct possibility that the same will happen this this post, but I write it anyway to widdle away the time left at this place.

I’m interviewing myself, or something like that.

Since you’re at work, tell me, what is the best thing about working in the UK?
Well, Lori, there are actually quite a few advantages to it. I really like the fact that Europeans are so cool about alcohol, and they will often serve wine during work hours. Here at the school, we get wine in the staff room on momentous occasions such as End of Term and after big inspections. I like drinking wine while I work. But that isn’t the best thing. The best thing is the holidays. In Scotland, employees are entitled to four working weeks holiday, or 20 days. At the school, I get 44. That’s almost nine weeks total. And I’m not even a teacher. That would definitely have to be the best thing about UK employment.

So then, what would be the worst thing?
I’d have to say the worst thing is the income tax. It’s not exactly the worst thing about employment but it totally sucks to have a salary of X but only bring home like ½ of X. It’s depressing.

Is it true that you have fourteen friends, as you once stated yourself?
I think I was being a bit over-zealous with that remark, Lori. After time, I’ve realised it would be more accurate to say that I have fourteen potential friends, or perhaps fourteen close acquaintances. Of those fourteen, there are maybe six that I would actually feel comfortable inviting over to my house, and with only one would I feel comfortable inviting over to do absolutely nothing. I think that’s the mark of a true friend – someone you can invite over to do nothing.

Well, it seems like a good thing that you’ve even got one "true friend". Tell us about her – is she anything like your friends back home?
She’s a funny sorta girl – she reminds me so starkly of someone but I cannot for the life of me figure out who. At any rate, she’s loud, funny, into multiple hair colours and piercings, and loves Jesus. Hmm, maybe she reminds me of me? At any rate, she’s dead cool and we’re going to get pierced together after Boxing Day.

Good grief, Lori. Don’t you have enough piercings as it is?
Not really. I’ve only got a few earrings and a nosering. That’s really mild in the piercing world. I’m going to get my tragus pierced. It’s not as dirty as it sounds. It’s just the funny jut-out bit in your ear. Here’s a picture.

Ugh. Enough about your ‘tragus’ or whatever. If you could travel to anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?
Tough decision. See, I’d really like to see so many places – Egypt, South Africa, Columbia, Japan, Italy, Cypress… the list goes on. But since all of those places are accessible in a relatively plausible way, and since this question is sending me somewhere all expenses paid, I’d choose Antarctica. It’s my dream to have visited every continent before I die, and that damned continent is making it very difficult for me to achieve that dream. So I’d go there and kiss a penguin.

Do you like penguins then?
Penguins are the new monkey.

I was reading an exclusive interview with Kermit the Frog on msn.co.uk. Who is your favourite Muppet?
Call me boring, but it’s most definitely Kermit himself. He’s so green and small and skinny-legged (no offense, pal), and yet so intellectual and charming. He’s just the most relatable character on the show. I feel like I know the guy. I feel like I am Kermit sometimes. I definitely share the sentiment that "it ain’t easy bein’ green." It isn’t.

Lori, I think you’re weird. I’m done with this interview.
Yet, I don’t think I’m weird at all. Sometimes I might agree with you, but in general I’m just a normal girl, trying to live life as honestly and adventurously as possible, without getting myself into trouble or danger. I spent far too much of my childhood trying to be normal until I finally discovered that there is no such thing. So now I’m just me. I’m not that weird when you look at some people.

Are you done yet?
Yeah. I’m not as in love with myself as I’m making it seem.

Shut up. You’re annoying.
I know. I’m sorry.