Tuesday, July 08, 2003

No La Tengo

Well this is the second time an amazing show occurred and I missed out. Yo La Tengo played in Edinburgh last night, and I was so close to going then someone (I won't mention any names, Andy) wouldn't lend his son the car for the night so we missed out. Tsk tsk. Scott and I went to the Burrell Collection art museum yesterday. It was really cool. This guy had an interesting taste in art.

Today I went to a prayer meeting at this guy Mark's house. He went through the Teen Challenge program a couple of years ago as a heroin addict and is now one of the most amazing Christian men I know. This guy loves Jesus!! The meeting was really good for me. I've been struggling lately as some of you know with just guilt and condemnation and feeling weak and faithless and whatnot... It was a good thing for me, God really touched me. Any of you reading this who pray, there's something you can lift up to the Lord for me - that I would come to understand the balance between grace and works-- so I'm not always feeling condemned but also that I'm not always feeling pretty righteous. I know God's got a plan for me and I'm ready and willing to do whatever it is. I feel like I'm definitely moving in the right direction but that maybe I'm moving rather slowly... and you know, none of us like slowness. I guess I can't always be running all the time, in any direction, but its hard when I feel like I'm just barely shuffling my feet. Sometimes I don't know the difference between being lazy and waiting on the Lord. Ah, being a Christian, as CS Lewis said is the hardest thing in the world and its also the easiest thing in the world. Paradoxes (paradoxi? paradoxese?) are a great part of life. And as a girl, I'm totally used to feeling them all the time. But I'll say this, being in this amazing country sure makes me feel close to God- maybe its because of how much higher on the globe I am... ha, just kidding. I mean, there is so much darkness on this island, yet so much light. I know you Scots are gonna think I'm ridiculous for quoting this but a song we sang Sunday night really is true: "There's a lot of darkness but a lot more light." Really. God is moving, its so evident, but sometimes its hard to see it because the darkness is all around.

I hate drugs. I hate that they even exist. God save your world and your people from this hopeless state.

I'll see you guys soon. Please email, you have no idea how lonely it is when I only check my email every once in a while and I have nothing. Sure I've got amazing friends here to keep me from being lonely but you guys have my heart. I mean, so do these people up here but you know- I live with you Americans, I love you to death, so don't forget me. Or if you dont have time to email, just leave a comment.

Boy do I sound pathetic. :) Heh, whatever. I have a lot of love in my heart, what am I supposed to do about it?

Hugs and kisses.

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