Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Top Threes

Top Three Places To Live:
1. Scotland. As much as I complain about it (and it does warrant a good deal of complaint), it is becoming home and I don’t fancy leaving home again. Though the rain is a pain and the summer is a bummer, I think I’ll stay. (I’ve got real furniture now – what would I do with it if I moved?)
2. France. South, North, East, West, Mid - it doesn’t matter. I can think of no way of life more pleasant than speaking French all day and wearing lots of black. These romantic ideas of drinking un vin chaud au un café au lait wearing un robe noir are undoubtedly based on anything but real life, but regardless, I could live in France and be quite happy, I think, if only for the fact that I was living in France avec mon cher mari and wearing Chanel No. 19.
3. America. If I simply had to leave Scotland, and there was no room for me amongst les enfants de la patrie, I would move back to America. Personally, if Scott didn’t have any say in the matter, I’d move back to Arkansas, where the armadillos run free and the ‘coons steal your meat, but since Scott invariably does have a say, I could happily settle in Boston or Philadelphia – somewhere on the East Coast – though Scott feels he’d be much more of a West Coast man…

Top Three Perfect Jobs:
1. Editor of an independent literary magazine. I’d like to get about five creative, innovative aspiring writers together who love to read and talk about books and want to provide an outlet for new and unpublished creative, innovative aspiring writers to get their foot in the door. (Model: the Quiet Feather) (Any takers, by the way?)
2. Housewife. Cook, clean, raise the kids to be good, outstanding citizens, gain the laud of mothers everywhere, possibly adopting the title “SuperWoman”…
3. Cell Biologist. Spending all day doing stuff to cells and getting to know those little things like the inside of my colour-coordinated closet.... I can’t imagine anything more interesting. I’d like to research cancer.

Top Three Names for Pets:
1. Remedios the Beauty. Taken from the character of said name in 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, this the planned name of our forthcoming kitten.
2. Zeno of Elea. Taken from the character of said name in one of my own budding short stories, I think this name is dead cool for a cat (which it is in the short story). It is also the name of a mathematician.
3. Erasmus. Dog. Clever dead guy.

Top Three Things that Annoy – No, Infuriate – You:
1. Scientology. Particularly the don’t-make-a-sound-while-squeezing-a-baby-out-your-vagina-and-then-don’t-speak-to-the-baby-for-seven-days-because-your-voice-reminds-it-of-the-pain-of-being-born thing.
2. Sectarianism. The Catholic-versus-Protestant/Green-versus-Blue crap really, really chaps my hide.
3. Hollywood depictions of Christianity. I don’t think this needs an explanation, does it? Or does it? Christians aren’t all middle-class, suburban, pulpit-pounding Republicans who bomb abortion clinics while sleeping with the next-door-neighbour’s wife.

(*Stolen from this guy MCF’s pop-quiz because it’s a good question*)
Top Three Famous People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous:

1. Paris Hilton. (Also see the The Happy Husband’s other answers – Ashlee Simpson and Keanu Reeves. I’m fighting hard to find answers as good as these, but I couldn’t help but 3000% agree about Paris.)
2. Mary-Kate-and-Ashley Olsen. Since they are one in the same, they go together as one of the Top Three Famous people Who Shouldn’t Be Famous. I mean, they were cute (kinda) on “Full House” (though how many times did we have to hear “You got it, dude!” to get the picture?)
3. Kelly Osbourne. (But actually, Keanu Reeves.)

Your answers?

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