...So there I was surrounded by bottles and wine glasses at a table for four all alone...
Today was wine-tasting day.
I selected a lovely cabernet and a fairly lovely sauvignon blanc for the rehearsal dinner. I felt very posh/stupid sipping different wines and trying to tell the difference. I was quite surprised to discover, however, how vastly different one bottle of cabernet tastes to the next. And how very vastly different are the different types of wines. I highly prefer cabernet over merlot now. And certainly red over white. I do not like chardonnay.
I had not planned place cards for the rehearsal dinner, as I think most people would prefer to sit with whomever they want. But what happens to the scragglers who know no one? Where do they sit? What if all of your friends have dates and you do not? Do you sit next to someone else without a date or leave an empty chair? So many things I have not thought about.
Scott and I are fantastic. I am simply desperate to see him again. He will be here in something like 15 days! I love him so much more than I ever knew was possible. What I've realized with Scott is that one may love someone else with everything one has, but if that love is not returned just as strongly, that love will be maximized to its fullest extent and will plateau. One may feel they are loving with all one has and to love more would be impossible. But when that love is spilled back over to one from the beloved, one's love suddenly gains the capacity to grow even deeper and even bigger. Thus one's love re-overflows back to the beloved and the cycle continues. I assume the cycle must continue forever. I assume this is part of God's plan with marriage, and partially explains why divorce is so disasterous.
A little memoir...
In the baby days of our relationship, back with "love" was the "L" word, Scott emailed me with a quote from a song: You're worth the trouble and you're worth the pain/ And you're worth the worry, I would do the same/ If we all went back to another time I would love you over. (Belle & Sebastian) My heart soared with affection when I read this email, though certainly with feathers of panic. I copied the words onto a Post-it note and stuck it to my desk. That Post-it still hangs in my office, and I imagine will come to Scotland with me in a scrapbook.
Another little embarrassing memoir...
I always signed my emails to Scott "Love, Lori". Often times after an IM chat I signed off with a "love ya". One evening, feeling especially proper in my language I signed off with a "love you". A pause ensued before "Scott is writing a message" appeared. "Love you too," he replied. A few days later, on the phone, a nervous and somewhat unsure Scott asked me about it. He said he was surprised that I had said "love you" after we had recently talked about how unsure we both were about love. I was mortified. That is not what I meant! I just meant "love you" like "love ya" only more grammatically correct (though not completely grammatically correct.) Scott laughed and took it all in stride, but I wanted to die.
He later told me he loved me (properly) and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. So these moments fall into a category of cute and endearing and happily unimportant.
Sexy Sadie says: hey, when we are in scotland and missing our families and friends, we can put on sad beautiful music and cry together
Lori says: good idea!
Lori says: i'd love that!
Sexy Sadie says: we'll have to warn the boys first though, so they can be prepared
Lori says: yeah, send them off to play video games nad eat salt or something
Lori says: grow sideburns
Sexy Sadie says: haha
Sexy Sadie says: exactly
I will not be left alone in Scotland. I have good friends already.