Friday, September 28, 2007

Attachment Fifi-ing

Sometimes people think they know what is best for everyone else. I do this a lot. I think I know what is best for others because I know what is best for me.

But right now I'm going to talk about how much I hate when other people do this to me. We all do it, so it's not about pointing fingers. But this is my blog, and I want this off my chest.

People are always telling me I need to get away from Fifi and have a little 'me' time, or a little 'couple' time with Scott. People seem to think I can't do this with Fi around. Granted, sometimes it is nice to have an adult conversation with Scott without Fi and her crazy antics getting in the way. And sometimes a nice hot bath after Fifi has gone to bed is exactly what I need to unwind. But I know when I need this, and most of the time, we (at least I, and I think I speak for Scott too) are quite happy having Fifi with us, whatever we are doing.

People think it's unhealthy to take Fi with me everywhere I go. They think it is unhealthy that she sleeps in our bed. They think Scott and I should go out more, go on weekends away, etc. I think if you are the type of person to need this, then yes, go ahead. But not everyone is. Not everyone needs to get away. I don't feel I need to get away. In fact, I hate being away.

I'm taking Fifi to London with me for my interview. Even if I were only going down that morning and coming back that evening, I'd be taking her with me. I couldn't even think of leaving her, even with grandparents, even with bottles and bottles of expressed breast milk. The one time I did leave her for most of the day, for a wedding, was one of the worst days (the wedding was nice, it wasn't the wedding's fault) of my motherly life. She didn't think that day was much of a picnic either. My limit is somewhere around 2 hours - after 2 hours, I need to see my little bundle of joy again.

As ridiculous as it seems, I have come to the point of simply not going someplace if I know Fi won't be welcome. It's not that I no longer have my own identity, as some would suggest, it is just that love being around her. I can't stand missing anything. That's not to say that if you do need time away, you don't love your child as much or you are missing their entire childhood, but you're need for time away is different than mine. I'm not unhealthy and neither are you.

When I was little, I wished that fairies were real so that I could get a fairy and carry her around in my pocket and have my own special friend who loved me and was always with me, so I'd never be alone. Fifi is so far superior to my imaginary fairy; she is my little friend who goes everywhere with me and lights up my life everywhere we go. This makes me happy, not tied down.

Right now, I'm lying in bed, with Fifi stirring. She rolls over, cuddles into me and relaxes. This is one of my favourite feelings in the world. The other favourite is when Scott does the same thing.

Scott and I enjoy spending our once husband-wife time with Fifi as family time. We still like to have the odd dinner alone, but after about an hour, we are ready to have Fi back. A few weeks ago, we went out for dinner (I don't remember the occasion) while Scott's parents took Fifi out for a walk. We were back before they were! Some people think having a baby around all the time like this must be hard on the marriage relationship. I think having Fifi around just cements it. We are a real family now, all three of us related. And we both think our marriage is better now than ever.
So anyway that's Lori's outburst for today. To end on a nicer note, here's proof that Fifi can speak.

Da Da from superlori on Vimeo.

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