For Fifi and Kieran

No one else will get this. No one else will care. But as promised, you two, I shall post what is written in my little notebook... I did promise to do this the night it took place, didn't I?

Back last summer after rounders, Fifi (not my daughter Fifi, my friend) and I drank hot chocolates in the Spinnaker Hotel while Kieran drank a poncy green tea, and Fifi and I received a battery of insults from Kieran, which we then began to record. Over the evening, Kieran managed to call us or insinuate that we were:

Fat (for drinking hot chocolates and overall unhealthy eating)
Lazy
insane (I believe for admitting we talk to ourselves)
"mums & teachers" (said in a disparaging tone)
old (just because we're older than him!)
hopeless/ lost cause (probably for the hot chocolates, as if we could never change)
strange

So in response, we drafted a little list of insults for Kieran:
BORING
weird
slow
simple
no on/off button (because of all the insults he kept accidentally hurling!)
no brain
MALE (yes)
feminine (haha yes!)

And now that I know both of them better, about nine months later or so, I think actually these lists (minus the fat!) are all fairly true! (And minus the 'no brain', too, Kiero.)

And since no one else will get this or get why I posted it, it's up to you two to read this! (And comment?)