Sometimes things come up to write about that you never even considered writing about, whether because you didn't think people would be interested or you didn't even think of it as something to expound upon. We have experiences every single day; some of them are significant, some are insignificant, but most things can be related to, and many things can be valuable to others.
One of my friends asked me a question about an answer I gave on my 40 Questions. I mentioned that I experienced depression while pregnant with Jaguar and also with Lolly. I never thought much about it when I mentioned it, but actually this might be something worth talking about.
People are becoming very aware of post-natal depression, and it's about time. It's a very real and debilitating condition, requiring various levels of treatment from counselling to medication to lifestyle changes. Yet there's this other condition, very similar and closely related that receives little to no attention at all: ante-natal or pre-natal depression.
According to patient.co.uk, 10% of women experience post-natal depression. 10-15% experience depression ante-natally (and it goes up to 19-25% in poorer countries). But I had never heard of it, and I'm willing to assume most of you haven't either.
My pregnancy with Fifi was great, in large part thanks to my independent midwife Allison Ewing. But hiring a midwife is expensive, so come round 2 with Lolly, I knew I'd have to use the NHS (whose midwives in my area are thankfully really great, pro-natural birth and homebirth-friendly). Still, I worried. I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and wanting it at home at that.
I thought my original sadness related to these concerns, but as the pregnancy progressed past seven or eight weeks, I became distraught. I didn't know what was wrong with me, except I knew the thoughts and feelings and wishes I had didn't make sense, weren't rational and most certainly weren't acceptable. I had feelings and thoughts I couldn't even share with Scott, I was so ashamed of them. Wishing for a miscarriage, envisioning doing harm to my toddler and hating myself and believing I was the wrong mother for this baby inside of me were some of the feelings that even now I'm ashamed to speak about.
I didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. I spoke to Allison on the phone but couldn't bring myself to tell her what I was really going through. I called a suicide hotline, but the woman had no idea what I was talking about and said frankly, 'It's just hormones, it'll pass.'
Incidentally, what a uninformed thing to say. 'It's just hormones.' Hormones are a (generally-speaking) uncontrollable aspect of our biology. Whether it's hormones, a virus or a deficiency, it's all serious.
After that, I couldn't speak to anyone, so I kept it all to myself. I tried positive thinking. I tried ignoring my feelings. I tried deriding myself into never thinking such awful things again. And after a few months, as I merged into my third trimester, the depression subsided. I was left thinking what an idiot I had been, how it had been 'just hormones' and what was I being so dramatic about?
I never really dealt with any of those feelings until I got pregnant again with Jaguar. Suddenly, around the same time, the same thoughts and feelings started trickling back in. But this time I was prepared. I realised this must be how my body works and this time I would work with my feelings, not condemn them.
This time, when thoughts of miscarriage came into mind, I knew I didn't really mean it and I didn't beat myself up over it. When I felt angry towards my children and worried I'd do something I regretted, I asked for help or removed myself from the situation or held them in a tight bear hug instead while I cried out all the anger. I let Scott in this time, and he helped tremendously, putting me to bed early every night, running hot baths for me every day, giving me lots of time away from the children to cope with my feelings.
This time around, my depression turned into an awful fear that I was damaging or even going to lose my child with my negative stress hormones pulsing through me. I was having a difficult time beyond the pregnancy with some things, and those things left me in tears most days. I asked for a referral by the midwives for SNIP (Special Needs In Pregnancy) but never actually got an appointment until I was almost full term. I knew I ought to chase it up, but part of depression is not wanting to burden other people, feeling like you are overreacting and need to get a grip of yourself but are unable to, and not having the energy or motivation to make yourself get better.
I worried this time it would last into the post-natal period, especially if I didn't succeed in getting my homebirth or if I ended up with an induction or section. Luckily, the depression lifted again at the end of my pregnancy, and even though my homebirth didn't work out again, I felt content that I'd birthed naturally at least without any assistance.
Even though I 'coped' better the second time around, it didn't mean those months were easy. They were stressful, upsetting, painful and isolating.
I have no miracle words of wisdom or any solutions for how to cope with depression during or after pregnancy; I only have my story, and I hope it helps someone else feel less alone in their struggles.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Gave birth completely naturally (to a son!) with no augmentation or assistance. :D
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?
My goal last year was to blog more. I didn't manage to succeed until October for the October Dress Project, but at least I got there in the end!
This year, I just want to resolve to live simply, unmaterialistically,and give myself a break from taking on too many responsibilities.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friends Catriona and Sharon both gave birth to little girls this year, alongside me.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no one this year died, though my grandmother was touch and go for a while.
5. What countries did you visit?
We didn't really travel at all this year. I rang in the New Year in America, but I'd travelled there in the year before, so I don't think it counts.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
A simplified, uncluttered wardrobe, house and life.
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory?
The eleventh of July - the day my perfect son was born. Though I keep getting mixed up with the 7/11 or 11/7 part. I'm not good with numbers as it is; give me a rhyming pair and I'm hopeless. I'll forever get it confused.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I already said it, but giving birth totally naturally meant the world to me. After a C-section with Fifi and an induction with Lolly, I was sort of convinced my body didn't know how to bear children. Going into labour spontaneously and birthing with no assistance or painkillers (except gas and air) meant so much to me. It was my biggest achievement for certain.
9. What was your biggest failure?
On the same topic, I didn't get my homebirth. Again. Three times I've attempted a homebirth and three times it just wasn't in the cards. I suppose it's wrong to think of it as a failure, but at the time it sure felt like it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I went through a period of depression during my pregnancy, which also happened when I was pregnant with Lolly, so I think maybe that's just how my hormones work. But it wasn't terribly serious in hindsight, though going through it was very difficult.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Let's see... my Samsung Galaxy III, my EasiYo maker and my Booby Tubes.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
This year I'm going to give credit to my daughter Fifi. She has really grown up this year, and her maturity really shows. She is very loving, mostly obedient, and a great kid to have around. She is helpful and smart, and I'm really proud of how grown up she's become.
13. What regrets do you have about the past year?
I can't say I have any regrets. Not everything was perfect, but I wouldn't call anything a regret.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Necessities. Last year I had money to spend, because I'd been childminding. But I went on maternity leave this year in June, so we've been living on a budget again. And most of my spare money went into starting my new company IntoBento.co.uk.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Starting my new company and lunch blog!
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2012?
It's not a song/album per se, but the theme tune to How I Met Your Mother will always bring back strong feelings and memories of me hibernating in my bedroom for weeks, preparing for my intended homebirth with Jaguar and watching six seasons straight of this show.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? I have been so much happier this year. thinner or fatter? Fatter, thanks to baby weight. Need to get that sorted in the new year! richer or poorer? Poorer, thanks to maternity leave!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eat cake.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
We spent Christmas this year at Scott's mum and dad's new house. It was a really lovely, cosy Christmas with our family of five, Kate and Faisal's family of three and Scott's parents. The kids had a great time, and it just felt really nice.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
My mom, I suppose. Having a new baby means needing lots of support from your mommy!
22. What's your best memory from 2012?
I had a few really great memories:
-My 30th birthday party, which had a 'Music Mania' theme. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had.
-Singing Evita's "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" in the OGA Parish Players Spring Revue.
-Giving birth to Jaguar (I loved every minute of it, even if it was rather uncomfortable!)
-Going out for my friend Elaine's 40th birthday with her, Heather and Paula.
-The Enchanted Forest with Scott for our anniversary. It was incredible this year - my favourite one yet.
23. How have you seen yourself grow as a person this year?
Ohhh, for the hard questions.
This year I've come to terms with a lot of things, namely my grave uncertainty of my faith. I have spoken of this already in length here, so it's not necessary to rehash, but what I've realised is that I am okay with where I am spiritually right now. I choose to continue living a Christian life and holding on to the faith while simultaneously acknowledging that I don't know if it is true, I can't believe it completely and I will probably never be able to believe wholeheartedly again. But it's the life I'm choosing to live, and if God is truly out there, I believe he will accept me for choosing to follow despite my unbelief.
A separate thing I learned about myself is that I am far too materialistic. Through the October Dress Project (wearing the same dress for 31 days), I realised I a) don't need half the stuff I have and b) can be very creative with my clothes if I try. So I'm in the process of trying to clear out everything and getting a non-cluttered, simplistic wardrobe that allows me to experiment with creative outfits.
24. What was your favourite TV programme(s)?
I enjoyed watching How I Met Your Mother, Big Love and Misfits.
26. What was the best book(s) you read?
I did a lot of reading earlier this year before Jaguar was born but can't for the life of me remember what. A lot of re-reading old classics. I started out with Toni Morrison's Beloved, F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, and I can't remember what all else. I read a LOT of books though but not very many new ones. If I'm correct in thinking though that I re-read Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner, then that would be the best book I read. It's one of my favourites.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Scott introduced me to a few really good new songs on a mix CD he made for our trip to Pitlochry, for instance these two by Jonathan Coulton.
28. What did you want and get?
A Soda Stream!
29. What did you want and not get?
A homebirth.
30. What were your favourite films of this year? The Perks of Being a Wallflower was really, really good.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
This year was my 30th, and I had a big party at the Masons Lodge. It was fancy dress (Music Mania theme) and karaoke, and I had an awesome cake, a DJ and a load of great friends there. It was an awesome birthday.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It would've been really great to have had a summer. Unfortunately, it just rained and was cold all year long. It would've been much nicer if we'd had just a few months (or even one!) of sunshine to live our spirits. No wonder Scottish people are known for being dour.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Maternity?! At least for the first half of the year! I went through a rockabilly stage with my hair and would love to still be doing it, but after Jaguar was born, there was just no longer the time to spend on my hair like that. Plus, I cut my bangs back in on a whim and that kinda kills the suicide roll thing. I've also started wearing make-up regularly. Which reminds me, I need to put some on now...
34. What kept you sane?
Having a really sweet, happy, content, easy baby who sleeps and feeds wonderfully, instead of the opposite!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
This question is always so silly to me. Time to change it.
35b. Which holiday or special occasion meant the most to you?
Our wedding anniversary this year was really special to me. It wasn't a big year (8), but we spent it in the same place we spent last year's anniversary, and it was then and there that Jaguar became a part of our family. We went to Pitlochry to The Enchanted Forest again, had lunch in the same little bistro we'd sat in last year talking about baby names in case we were indeed to get pregnant, and stayed in a lovely hotel (not the same one) eating great food and relaxing in the pool and the spa.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
American gun control, health care and same-sex marriage. I'll keep mum about my opinions on each though! This is not a political blog. :)
37. Who did you miss?
I missed my American family and friends so much this year.
38. Who was the best new person (people) you met?
I have become friends with Lolly's best friend Eden's mum, Laura. She is a sweet, generous, honest person, and I'm so pleased to have gotten to know her and her three interesting and precious daughters this year.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Two things:
1) I have so much more than I need. I am materialistic, and all my 'things' end up making my life harder to manage. I can get by on so much less and would probably be happier doing so.
2) As much as I can plan and organise and see to every detail, nothing in this world is totally in my hands. Maybe it's in God's, maybe it's in no one's, but it's certainly not in mine. It is okay to plan, but at the end of the day, things will happen as they will happen and not always how I thought they would.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
This is totally embarrassing, but the lyrics from Katy Perry's 'Firework' summed up a lot of feelings for me this year.
'Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
...
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road.
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know...'
The past couple of days have been slightly better. I'm still finding it hard, and that's with Scott still home, but we'll get there. According to everyone else anyway.
I don't have much to update on. I'm sort of just going one day at a time. Not doing much really. Tomorrow is Fifi's friend Cillian's birthday party. That should be a good time. Fi tends to be very well-behaved around others. It's just when we are on our own she decides to go crazy!
I took Lolly shopping today. I've been trying to find something nice to buy myself to wear while I work off this baby weight but have had a hard time. I finally found a pair of non-maternity jeans in a real shop (not Primark) for £7. They look really good on me. The down side? They are 3 sizes bigger than I wore before I got pregnant. Scott keeps reminding me that's normal, but I really had to psyche myself out to buy them. At least they look good. And don't have elastic panels.
As usual though, I found more things for the girls than for myself. Fifi is sporting her new pajamas as we speak. She needed some long-legged pjs to keep her warm and tops that weren't covered in weetabix stains.
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know I'm doing okay. Or at least I will do okay.
Oh, by the way, am I the only one who thinks the Edinburgh Post-Natal Depression Scale is kinda a load of crap? Not that I've got PND, but if I did, would the EPDS actually reveal it?
I've realised as of late that our blog is steadily getting boringer and boringer. And we've been neglectful of the blog, and Scott doesn't even blog at all any more...
I'd like to say we've been busy, but that would be a lie.
I've been going through a lot lately, internally. I'm a very open person who needs girlfriends to talk to and share her feelings and experiences with, and since I've been very much without that for a long time, I've not surprisingly become a very closed person. Poor Scott. The woman he married is not the same woman he's married to now. But he loves me. He gives me so much support. He takes care of me and understand me and comforts me.
I've been this alternate Lori for a very long time now, or at least what feels like a very long time now. But a few weeks ago, I did some serious decision-making about my attitude and self-seclusion; I simply cannot go on like this. I can't trudge through life waiting for the next phase, dragging my frown around like a stuffed dog on a leash, and wasting the experiences God intends for me to have.
Anyway, I decided I was going to 'better myself'. I developed a renewed interest and motivation in my poetry and have been working diligently to get some poems ready for submission to a competition. I have kept up with my running. I am considering joining the Bronte Society and a writers' circle when I move to Glasgow.
But yesterday at church I was awakened with another realisation. I'm still living for myself. Whether in a depression or in self-improvement, I'm still looking out for No. 1. The message on Sunday was about idolatry. Three different kinds of idolatry were mentioned, though they were not all-inclusive, and I realised how much I fell into the last category: self.
No matter how happy I try to make myself, no matter how much I try to snap out of this stupid depression I've been in, nothing is going to change if that is my focus. It's like walking through a forrest and staring at your feet the whole time. You'll end up just rambling about and never get anywhere. You've got to take your eyes off yourself and look forward - then you'll possibly get somewhere.
I don't think my decision to enjoy myself is a bad one. It just has the wrong slant. Joining the Bronte Society and writing poetry are good things. Running is a good thing. But I ought to be looking higher. I ought to be seeking Jesus. It's for him I live, is it not? At least, it's because of him I live, though I can't say with honesty that I am living for him.
I want things to change in my heart. I want to accept life as it is right now and do whatever it is that I am meant to be doing right now. I want to live for Jesus. I want to take my eyes off me and put them on Jesus and on others. I want to be a better wife to Scott. I want to be a better person overall. I want to be someone that makes a difference in others' lives.
The eviler your scheme for punishing your husband, the guiltier you feel when he apologizes first.
'Nuff said.
***********
My last post (prior to the pictures) was about seeking knowledge and truth from the Bible and not relying on feelings or emotions.
Today I'm gonna talk about the other side of the argument, since me, my husband, and a number of our readers fall too far into the knowledge bit and forget the heart bit. This is going to be hard for me to write about, because I struggle with it so much.
Given that what we believe must, simply must, be derived solely from God's Word, there is more to Christianity than just arguments. See, that's whats so amazing about Jesus Christ. He came not for the great and the wise, but the poor and humble. The Pharisees were incredibly intelligent; they could quote Scripture, they knew all the prophesies, they knew the Law by heart, but they had no relationship with God and they rejected Jesus as the Son of God. For this, they were condemned. It was the fishermen and the children and the adulteresses and the tax collectors that Jesus revealed himself to. It wasn't to the wise, but the small. What the unintelligent and poor and the lepers had that the Pharisees didn't was heart. They believed in Jesus and had faith in their hearts. They couldn't wrap their minds around it, but neither did they try. They just believed, like children. The disciples were incredibly naive and, well, let's be honest, a bit dim-witted at times, but it was the disciples to whom Jesus revealed himself. He told the crowds that unless we come with faith like little children, we cannot be saved.
Often times, I find myself wanting to prove God. More often than that, I find myself wanting to talk theology and get down to the bits and pieces of Christianity when talking to people. But this is not where faith comes from. Faith does not come from figuring God out, or beating people over the head with the Calvinist stick. People don't need a religion made of nuances and semantics and Covenant Theologies. What people need is a Saviour. They need help. They need to be lifted out of their sin and out of their despair and out of the path to eternal damnation. They need grace. They don't need to be bogged down with whether or not grace is irrestistable, they just need grace. Why do I always scoff at basic Christianity, when it is basic Christianity that the unsaved need?
I for one am very skeptical of feelings. I am very skeptical when someone says they "felt" God saying something to them. I'm very skeptical of my own feelings. I do not trust them. In church, when I begin to feel something rising up in me, I immediately question it and think, "Is this God or am I just getting psyched up emotionally? I mean, the worship is getting hyped. Is it just the way the music just welled-up and the drums came in with a loud crash? Am I simply being tricked into an emotional state due to the modern conveniences of a sound board?" And suddenly it's over. I don't feel anything anymore, and I feel a lot more intelligent for it. "CGR would be proud," I think.
What's with that?! Didn't David dance around like a crazy person because he was so caught up in the joy of the Lord? Didn't the Holy Spirit move him so deeply that he wrote hundreds of psalms? Feeling is a part of the Christian experience. We mustn't underestimate it. Especially in evangelism. While we shouldn't allow young Christians to be blown around with the wind because they believe every thing they hear and rely on every feeling they get, we aren't meant to quench what the Holy Spirit is doing in them. For me personally, I accepted Jesus as my Saviour because of the feeling of joy and happiness he gave me. (Though, actually it was because of the divine and sovereign mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ and God's unconditional election.*wink) I'd lived 18 years believing that Christianity was all about laws and predestination and theology. I never knew that there actually was a joy involved. But when I asked God to give me a feeling that was better than drugs, he gave it to me, and I was turned upside down. I've never been the same! So why do I trivialize others when they have similar experiences? Why do I immediately beseech them to question everything and prove it with Scripture? If I know Scripture so well, then I should know they don't have to prove it. What did the lame and the blind and the adulteress and the theif on the cross do when Jesus healed them and forgave them for their sins? They rejoiced!! They felt something real!
That is my point. Jesus is alive and real. Christianity is Truth. Jesus is the only way man can be saved. This isn't Plato or Nietche, but a real live working salvation that leads to real eternal life. We must allow ourselves to be moved by the Holy Spirit. Jesus lives in our hearts, so we say. I know for myself, I've got to remember to keep him in my heart even as I fill my head with the knowledge he has so graciously left for us.
Just apologise. Even if you're absolutely certain you were right. Say sorry. Having a wife who still thinks of you warmly is far more important than being right about some little driving thing.
Lesson Number Two:
Never.
Ever.
EVER.
EVAH.
Take your wife on driving lessons.
I didn't think it'd be as bad as other guys had advised me. But all the love, compassion, tenderness and patience in the world go out of the window when a woman INSISTS that she didn't just let the wheel slide through her hand, even though you just watched her do so.
Lesson Number Three:
For some reason, girls think that it's perfectly legitimate to make us wander around shops full of candles, tea pots and bed linen for a few hours, but when it comes to spending 5 minutes in a used cd shop, this is the most boring and unfair thing anyone has ever been subjected to.
Don't point out this contradiction. It's obviously not the same thing, moron. The candles, tea pots and the like are for you too, aren't they? Uh huh.
Well, I'm off to work. I'm working extra hard to get promoted/moved onto the dayshift soon. So cheerio. I'm going to go in early.
It's another day, and I file it into the "Not Good" folder with all the rest. The "Good" folder is indeed starting to fill, but the "Not Good" is still fatter.
Wife Lesson #4: Never under any circumstances let your husband teach you to drive a standard. It will always end in pain.
Scott and I had the brilliant idea this morning to take me out driving. So we went to a car lot, and I got behind the wheel. Mistake #1. I have no problem with driving on the left side of the road, and I've driven a standard before, when Carol, my trusty old Ford Taurus, was in the shop. The problem was with all the rules in this dumb land. I couldn't "control" the wheel "correctly"; I wasn't "feeding" it with my hands or something. Scott kept telling me I'd get a "minor fault" if I did that in the driving test. At one point he said, "You just failed your driving test." Arg. I gave up at that point, and we officially had our first fight.
Then we went to Argos where I got myself a "whirly-gig" and a hair dryer. That part was good.
Then the issue of my job came up. I have sort of been offered a job at a coffee shop in Gourock, the town next door, but the hours will be daytime hours while Scott will still be on evening shifts. Scott mentioned me possibly working elsewhere (T-Mobile). I was already emotional, and I burst into tears. I just want this job, because it will be easy, and I'll have weekends off, and I know the manager, and I won't have to go through a long 6 week application process..... Scott told me to take the coffee shop job. But I was reminded of how little time we'd get together, and I cried for a long time.
Then my mobile went off, and the song it plays when it rings cheered me up. I danced to it for a moment before answering. It was the Job Centre, where one must apply for a National Insurance number (similar to a Social Security number) before one can work. They set up an interview with me (to prove my identity and right to work in the UK) for 25th October.
Scott had to leave for work then (and I just realized he left without his lunch--one sec--gonna text him...) so he took me to his parents house and dropped me off. I phoned the manager at the coffee shop and will go see him today or tomorrow.
The day has potential for getting better, doesn't it? I might have a job. This is good news.
I love my husband. Wife Lesson #5: Say you're sorry. If you're not sorry, then pray.
I admit we've been bad posters. We apologize for the lack of new reading material, but I promise you, once we get broadband set up at the house, we will be back to usual, posting far too much for anyone to be interested in reading.
Also you can expect a new look soon, as "Pre-Marital Blogging" has turned over a new leaf, and I don't have a job.
Last time we spoke, I was feeling depressed. This has subsided immensely. I've felt much better in the past couple days than I was at first. Though I had a sore throat and now have no voice. That part's still pretty rotten. I met one of my new neighbours today, and I sounded like a goat. She's gonna think all Arkansans sound like goats.
I'm starting a new series: Wife Lessons with Lori. In this series, I will list small things that I have learned as a new wife--stuff I didn't expect and I don't imagine many pre-lyweds expect, especially the wifey-to-be types. These won't necessarily be amazingly profound, but hopefully helpful to any pre-lyweds out there.
Wife Lesson #1:
Whether you thought you were a baby before or not, once you're a wife, you can't be a baby anymore. Sure you can use your feminine power to coerce your husband to get out of bed in the mornings to go turn the heat on for you, but don't expect him to put up with your distaste for peeling off the skin of chicken thighs. I think maybe it's called Wife Power, but suddenly you must embrace all those things that you hated doing before (laundry, cooking, cleaning, whatever it may be). It's time to get over it. I knew all this in my head before marriage, but now I'm learning by experience that either the skin comes off or you eat it. And with WeightWatchers, the skin adds, like, 2 POINTS per thigh.
Wife Lesson #2:
Your money is no longer your own. Nor is his his. And worse, your credit is no longer yours but his. And even worse, his is yours. So what does this mean? It means gone are the days of frivolous buying or depression-shopping. If you're feeling loney and bored and all your clothes make you look like a wrinkly rolly hippopotamus, you would be unwise to take it out on a new coat or new shoes. Because imagine how annoyed you'd be if he came home with a new video game he hadn't asked your permission for. (For the record, this has not happened to us. I've just realized what could happen if it did.)
More Wife Lessons to come. I thought of several the other evening while I was juggling washing the dishes, boiling the chicken, and vacuuming the living room, but my mind is full, and probably the most important Wife Lessons I've learned have gotten lost somewhere in there.
Feel free to leave your own Wife Lessons in the comments. Let us all help one another!
*The Hoose I love our house. As Scott already mentioned, it is well Ikea-fied. Our coffee table (which my manly husband put together last night) is so hip. The kitchen is my favourite room so far though. There are green tiles on the walls and orange terra-cotta coloured tiles on the floor. We accented in deep red and it looks amazing. We put two red mats on the floor and a red vase and with my red dishes, it looks smashing.
And get this-- my bedroom is PINK! No kidding! The walls are painted ivory and pink. Soft pink, like the pink in our bed. Our bedroom is decorated in pale pink and pale brown, if you can imagine that. It's not my favourite room just yet because its not finished but its a close second.
The living room is next. That is how I shall comfort myself tonight when Scott goes to work. Decorate the living room. In deep wine red and earthtones.
*The People I've had hundreds of invitations to friendship. We shall be attending our first couple party this Saturday. It's exciting. Scott and I along with Alan and Sherri, another newlywed couple will be dining with Debbie and Niall at 7. I'm very excited. Margo, one of the ladies in the church (who is by the way, the hippest grown up I know), encouraged me to call anytime to hang out or go to lunch or go shopping. Being married is weird. Grownups consider you their friend now. I quite like it. Now I just look forward to seeing my beloved Sarah and Jonathan and meeting Bryce and Ashley. We'll have to arrange something soon.
We're also planning a Housewarming/Halloween party for Halloween. Coool eh?
*Scott and Lori We as a couple are doing very well. It's so nice to have Scott around all the time. He makes me laugh a lot, and he's so much goofier now that we are married. I love that about him.
Lori as an individual however is feeling pretty down. I don't think its quite the homesickness yet, as its just the feeling of being out of place. I feel pretty ... foreign. I feel helpless. I feel like I've lost my sense of self. I can't do anything for myself- I don't have a job, I can't drive, I don't know how to use my (new!) mobile, I don't know people, I don't know where I am... I fully depend on Scott for EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. Down to how to turn the stove on. Down to holding me back from stepping out in front of cars (pedestrians don't have the right-of-way here). Down to leading me around at church so I'm not left standing alone and having to figure out where to go and who to talk to. I feel like Mary's little lamb. I feel pretty useless.
Scott swears I'm not useless and reminds me that I've put together our whole house and have vacuumed and washed dishes and so forth.
At any rate, it's hard. But it's really good at the same time. I love my in-laws, and I love my coat. :) Most of all, I love my Scott, and I love my Jesus. Those two guys are the ones who will get me through this. And that bottle of Tylenol isn't hurting, either.
*Conclusion My Scott just got back from the bank. I'm gonna go kiss him.
