The Great American Vote-Off 2016

I used to hate politics. Mostly because I didn't understand it, partly because it seemed irrelevant, a little because it was cool to be "jaded" about it. (You know, when you're so young that you're jaded about everything.) I voted for the first time in the 2000 presidential election at 18 years old, following the sage advice of my dear Republican parents ("Just tick all the Rs"), which meant, yes, I helped Dubya get into office.

Then I buggered off to the UK and left y'all to it.  

In the UK, as a non-citizen indefinite-leave-to-remain resident, I had no voting rights, so I paid little attention to British politics either. Besides, things seemed to be going better over there, what with free health care and all that, so it didn't matter much to me if we were Tories or Labour - I was getting socialized medicine and child benefit! (I was not, on the other hand, eligible for most other social programs, like the dole.)  

Then the SNP started talking about actually holding the referendum they'd promised when they first came into power, and I started paying a little more attention. There had been a council tax freeze, thanks to the SNP? Oh, England doesn't get free prescriptions like Scotland? Nick Clegg wasn't the saviour the Lib Dems thought he'd be? Hmm. I'm possibly quite in favour of this idea of independence.

(Like all the u's I did there, as I reverted to British English?)

And then I buggered back off to the US and left y'all to it. Not that it mattered; I couldn't vote in the referendum anyway. I could only cheer my support and hope someone cared what the American thought about Scottish independence.

I came back to America much more open-eyed politically than I'd left it. I'd lived socialism up close and personal; I'd seen the benefits and the pitfalls. I had also looked at America through American eyes and a foreigner's; I recognized our strengths and our weaknesses.

Upon returning to the States, I decided it was time to get involved in politics. I dove into research for the gubernatorial primaries and elections in 2014. I started reading about budgets and spending, foreign policy, tax revenues, social issues, environmental issues, immigration. I started talking to people about these things, listening and arguing (usually not both at the same time), trying to understand.

(Let me add here, that in this time, I discovered Bernie Sanders and was already a fan and Facebook follower well before he announced he was running for President.)

I am still learning and still listening. (Sometimes, still arguing.) I have much to learn, but I'm in it now.  And now, all my political self-education leads me to this critical point in history, and I have to ask:

Are the presidential elections always this insane?

I keep hearing everyone say "all bets are off" with this one. Everyone's saying this is the strangest election cycle in a long time. Part of me wonders if this is just near-sighted, past-forgetting, hyperactive hysteria, or if no, really, this is madness.

I mean, the front-runner of the Republican party makes public remarks about a woman "bleeding out of her whatever", wanting to punch protesters, how he could shoot someone and still have followers, how much he loves "the poorly educated" because he won their vote, that all Mexican immigrants are murderers and rapists (sorry, "some are probably okay") and calls for Muslims to be banned from the country, and voters are flocking to the polls to vote for him. Then trailing a sad ways behind him are a myriad of unlikely characters, of which only one - maybe two - actually seem like real people and not drawings in a bitterly sarcastic political cartoon. 

On the other side, we have a woman who is pretty well reviled amongst virtually all Republicans (and a fair number of Democrats) and an elderly socialist from Vermont of all places. (I recently had to look up Vermont on a US map, because I literally wasn't sure where it was.) I'm a Democrat, and I will strongly support either candidate because I think they would both make great leaders, but even I can admit they must look just as insane to Republicans as the current GOP lineup looks to me.

Any combination of this motley crew brings up multiple question marks. How on earth is this election going to go? I have no idea. Trump v. Clinton?  Cruz v. Sanders? Rubio v. Clinton/Sanders ticket v. wounded third party candidate Trump? How do you even predict outcomes like these?

One thing is for sure.  This election hasn't been much about "politics".  The issues I've been spending so much time researching seem to come up much less than, say, how many lies so-and-so has told, how many flip-flops so-and-so has made, how much so-and-so hates so-and-so, and how so-and-so is "the only person on this stage who".  I'm referring to both parties here, having watched a majority of both parties' debates. Are they usually so full of vitriol, ignorant rhetoric and blind partisanship?

(I'm going to go with "yes" here. I'm going to go with "this is why young people are jaded about politics even before they're old enough to vote in a general election". I'm going to go with "that's why there are so many bitterly sarcastic cartoons out there".)

One more thing is for sure.  No matter who wins this next presidential election, the future of American politics and its parties are going to change drastically. Or is that what they say every four years? I guess we're about to find out.

Syrian Refugees Not Welcome in Arkansas

Today I feel sad. Today I feel helpless. Today I feel confused.

A little story. (Not the sad part.)

A colleague of mine who didn't realize that I'd actually lived in Scotland myself (and hadn't simply married a Scottish guy) was surprised when I said I'd move back to Scotland in a heartbeat if the economy here in America wasn't so amazing. She was genuinely shocked.

I said, "I know some people find that hard to believe." 

She responded, "I do. I do find that hard to believe."

I may be generalizing, but in my experience, it seems people who have never lived outside the US have no concept of how great we have it here. Yes, there are some major problems, but generally speaking, America is incredible. We have wealth, we have land, we have a stable government.  I also recognize there a myriad ways our nation could be improved. But regardless, at the risk of sounding 'Murican, we have a great nation.

People here complain about the economy, immigration, taxation, welfare, and just about everything. I don't blame anyone for that either. There are problems with all of these things that need to be fixed. However it seems that those who have never lived anywhere else have very little frame of reference to see how good we have it here.

Now, onto the sad part.

Gov. Asa Hutchinson spoke out today refusing to relocate any Syrian refugees in Arkansas. Aside from the point that legally he can't make that call, it just makes me sad. We have the space and the resources. Arkansas has a population to land ratio of 56 people per square mile.  Compare that to Scotland, where the population density is 167.5 people per square mile (and that's with 130 islands uninhabited). Compare that to the Netherlands where the population density (as of 2007) is a whopping 1258.5 people per square mile. We have the space.

The United Kingdom, which is about the size of Oregon, has said they can handle about 20,000 more Syrian refugees over the next five years. (And many British people believe that is nowhere near enough.)  Meanwhile Germany has said they will be able to accommodate 500,000 Syrian refugees every year for the next several years.  Germany's population density is roughly 609 people per square mile without the projected half a million refugees expected each year for the next several years.

The United States government has decided to relocate 10,000 Syrian refugees. Is that too many? Let's look at it this way. The US has 322,177,652 people (as of 8:16 pm Nov. 17, 2015, according to the United States Census Bureau population clock) living on 3,539,225 square miles of land. Currently that's 91 people per square mile. Should we add another 10,000 people, our population density will rise to... 91.

It's mathematically negligible. 

So we have plenty of space. Space clearly isn't the problem.

Security must be the problem. The US is worried about security and rightly so. Of course, obviously, our government wants to keep the country and its people safe. So to do just that it has created (and is constantly refining) a very robust vetting process for refugees - Syrian ones especially.

According to this article from CNN,

Several federal agencies, including the State Department, the Department of Homeland Security, the Defense Department, the National Counterterrorism Center and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, are involved in the process, which Deputy State Department Spokesman Mark Toner recently called, "the most stringent security process for anyone entering the United States."

These agencies use biographical and biometric information about applicants to conduct a background check and make sure applicants really are who they say they are.

The applicant is interviewed by a DHS officer with training in this screening process as well as specialized training for Syrian and Iraqi refugee cases.

And refugees from Syria actually go through another layer of screening, called the Syria Enhanced Review process.

"With the Syrian program, we've benefited from our years of experience in vetting Iraqi refugee applicants," a senior administration official recently told reporters. "And so the partnerships we have today and the security checks we have today really are more robust because of the experience that we've had since the beginning of large-scale Iraqi processing in 2007." (emphasis mine)

So Syrian refugees are among the most and best vetted of all foreign nationals entering the United States.

While I'd like to say, "we can never be too careful", something about that sticks in my throat. Is it possible actually to become so "careful" that we lose sight of the reality baring its cold, starving nakedness right before our eyes? Can we use national "security" in the same way we use a "security blanket" - a place we can hide our faces from the things that scare us or make us uncomfortable?

It also concerns me that we have targeted one particular race of people to exclude from our compassion and humanitarian care.  Is it right to refuse an entire demographic from relocation in our state or country based almost solely on their country (and religion) of origin? Are we equally scared of refugees from other war-torn nations? Are we pinpointing a people group because of their religion? (If these people were coming from predominantly Christian nations like Kenya or Croatia, would we feel as terrified of letting them in as we are of people from a Muslim one? It's an honest question.)

Furthermore, can we actually become so careful and so fearful that we lose our compassion and empathy for the human race? Can we seriously see images of dead toddlers and not want to do something significant about it? Can we see millions of people fleeing their homes to escape rape, murder, kidnappings, and starvation, risking everything just for the hope of reaching safety and not feel the desire to offer substantial help?

Can't we see that we are a country with significant wealth and land to share with those who have nothing - quite literally, nothing? Alongside our "most stringent security process", surely we can afford to show genuine humanitarian concern for those who are in most unfathomable need. Surely as one of the richest nations in the world we can feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the poor. Surely.


Today I feel sad. Today I feel helpless. Today I feel confused by all the voices rallying against helping their fellow man (and woman and child). Today I feel small and powerless when looking up at the giants of governors and governments who make all the rules. I don't understand why we are so afraid. Today I feel I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said by countless others greater and more powerful than I.

But silence is acceptance. So instead of silence, I lift my small, insignificant voice as high over the crowds as I can to remind us all that we are a great nation with resources to spare. Please, can we do something that will cost us so little yet will affect the world so much? Please, can we confront our fears and bravely open our arms to welcome the children, the families, and yes, even the single men, into the safety of our abundance?

"To whom much was given, of him much will be required."

Roundabout Rules for the Uninitiated American

Our town just got its first roundabout. There is a second one opening within the next two weeks (supposedly). I have heard countless people stress out, complain, predict doom and disaster, and criticize the city over this.

It's only a roundabout, folks. It's just an intersection with a circle in the middle.  They exist in every country, and so far, have not brought down the apocalypse. They are in fact safer and better at regulating traffic.  Easier on your gas too, cutting down on all that stop-and-starting stop signs make you do (which in essence is better for the environment, pollution-wise).

But I understand that for those who have never used a roundabout (sometimes called a traffic circle or rotary), it can be a little intimidating.  And if you are unsure of the rules of a roundabout, I can see how you might approach one with a little confusion and trepidation.

So I'm giving you five little roundabout rules and tips that will hopefully make you feel a little more confident next time you approach one.

1. Fifirst thing to realize is that roundabouts are basically the same thing as a four-way stop, only with a yield (and an island in the middle).  Imagine that island as a large piece of roadkill you don't want to run over.  You'd bend around it right?  And that's what you do at a roundabout.

The rules of a four-way stop apply.  The person who approaches from the right of you has right of way.  You don't - I repeat DON'T - have to come to a full stop each time you approach.  But you do have to yield if anyone else besides you is approaching or already on the roundabout.

2.  Saying that, unlike a four-way stop where everyone proceeds one at a time, you can actually enter the roundabout simultaneously with someone else if they are coming the opposite direction or are far enough around the roundabout for you to SAFELY enter it too.  This is why it's so effective for traffic control. If you can safely slide in without slowing anyone on the roundabout down, you may proceed.

3.  This is why SIGNALLING is so important on a roundabout.  Here's a breakdown of when and where to signal.

Upon approaching roundabout,
If you are going to take the first exit (on the right), signal RIGHT.
If you are going straight through the roundabout, do NOT signal at all UNTIL you have passed all the exits on the right, then signal right to indicate you are now taking the straight across exit.
If you are taking any exits in between the first right and straight on, don't signal until you have passed the last exit before your exit, then signal right to take your exit.

If you are going left (any exit past straight on), signal LEFT upon approaching the roundabout. This allows everyone else approaching from other exits to know that you are going to be passing by all of them. Keep signalling left until you approach your exit, then signal right to take your exit.

4.  Roundabouts let you legally do U-turns.  You can just approach the roundabout, signal left and keep signalling left until you've made your full U (then signal right to exit). You can even do a full circle if you want, but this is rarely necessary unless you missed your exit, are completely lost or have trouble making decisions and can't cope with too many choices.

5. Go slowly. Always be aware of who is entering, exiting, approaching, and already on the roundabout. Slot in where safe to do so. Stop only when you have to, otherwise, yielding is fine.  Always be aware when you are approaching that someone may be about to cross in front of you, even if they are not signalling.  Not everyone knows to signal and not everyone bothers to signal.  Don't blindly trust other people's signalling either. Just like you wouldn't pull out in front of a car onto a street simply because they are signalling to turn (because you never know if they are actually turning until they start to), do the same with roundabouts.  Roundabouts have rules, but not everyone follows them.

Hopefully, however, this little set of rules will help YOU follow and understand the rules, and maybe teach someone behind you a little about signalling, and hopefully your new roundabout will be a safe and effective traffic installment, not a disaster waiting to happen.

For more information, click on this helpful little graphic of a simple four-way roundabout from Wikipedia.

I am resisting the urge to mark this with the label 'death'.

Another Old Unpublished One

I found this post while clearing off my desktop. I wrote it long before Scott and I announced to the world that we were moving to the US, but I couldn't of course post it at that time. I think it's safe now. This is what went through my head regarding the prospect of leaving Scotland.



I have to write this in a Word document because I’m not ready to publish it out there yet.

So Scott and I are thinking very seriously about moving back to the United States. Like, next year.

This is seriously mega huge for me.

See, ever since Scott told me he ‘loved me properly’, I knew that my new life was going to be in Scotland. I am sure that I must’ve experienced some grief at leaving my old life behind (and probably if I went back through my blog posts of that time, I’d find the evidence), but I don’t remember it much. Mostly I just knew that my life was about to change big time; I was going to marry a Scotsman and live the rest of my life with him, there.

So how is it that 9 years later, suddenly that is looking likely to change? How do I face that?

I can’t figure out if it’s pride or if it’s genuine ambivalence. See, part of me does feel pride. I was a 22 year old newly graduated university student who made the decision to move to another country and live another life. I was and am proud of that. I have changed so much because of that decision. I was a young girl who in under one year navigated through all the craziness of immigrating and made it. I saved up money, I filled in all the paperwork, I flew to Los Angeles to interview for my visa, I got married and I immigrated to the United Kingdom. Then I went through another crazy process of applying for my Indefinite Leave to Remain in the UK. I birthed my children here. I started three home businesses here. I got my UK driver’s license here. I re-learned English grammar to comply with British rules instead of American.

And I created a life here. I took that first lonely, scared, uncertain year and built a confident, fulfilling, exciting life for myself. I made irreplaceable friends. I have risen to challenges. I have overcome so many of my childhood fears and insecurities. I have become a woman here, a mother, a wife, a business owner, an actress, a supporter, a mentor, a nationalist, here, in Scotland.

I would even go so far as to say, I have become Scottish.

....

As I let that last thought sink in, I wonder, How could I ever revert back to being... American?

It sounds so plebeian now. It sounds so teenager. Americans, with their lame politics and mainstream religion and lack of humour and bad accents... How can I go back to that? Is it even possible? Or is it possible to go back to that place but not to that person? Can this ‘me’ live in that place and still exist?

....

I’ve been trying to figure out what the difference is with this decision and all the other ‘life’ decisions I’ve had to make. I mean, I know people who move constantly, in and out of the UK, all over the States, all over Europe, and they are happy and carefree. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I just up and move like so many other people do? Well, for starters, that’s just not me. As much as I appreciate excitement and love to do things the not-done way, I am still just a homebody who wants to be settled. I don’t need upheaval to get my kicks. I like to do outrageous things, as long as they are from the comfort of a background that I know and that knows me.

I’ve made ‘big’ decisions before; of course I have. I once had to decide where I would go to university. I once had to decide a major. I once had to decide to quit my job to become a full-time mum. I once had to decide to become self-employed.

I once had to decide to get married. I once had to decide to immigrate to another country. I once had to decide if it was time to start a family.

The difference between these ‘big’ decisions was permanence. If I decided I didn’t like my university, I could go home or transfer. If I didn’t enjoy my major, I could switch. If I realised we couldn’t afford me staying at home to be a mum, I could go back to work. If self-employment didn’t work out, I’d just go back to into employment.

But, um, if marriage wasn’t what I expected (and it wasn’t), I was stuck. If Scotland wasn’t as dreamy as I imagined it (and it wasn’t), I was stuck. If having children wasn’t all sunshine and roses (and it wasn’t), I was stuck. These are the BIG life decisions. These are the things that changed my life... forever. For good. For better or for worse.

Moving back to the States? It’s for better or for worse. If I go back and hate it, I’ll be stuck.

We’ll have sold all our belongings. We’ll have spent thousands on greencard applications, citizenship claims, passports, flights, and other various yet unknown expenses. Scott will have no job still waiting for him back here in Scotland. If we make this decision, we make it forever. For good. If it doesn’t turn out how we expect it, we will still be stuck.

...

I know it would be the right decision for Scott. He would be so happy with his second chance, his turn to become a new ‘him’. His health would be so greatly improved, his career opportunities would open up. He could get back into the things he is passionate about - music, creating. I know he would be happier and that is half what this is all about. I then wonder if it’s the right decision for our kids. Right now, they are in a school that I couldn’t love more. Fifi’s class size is eleven kids – and that includes three different year groups. She is becoming bilingual. In fact, after hearing her little ‘puppet show’ she did for me this afternoon, I could easily say she is bilingual. She has a teacher who has the time and ability to get to know her personally, who knows her likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, her quirks and what she is capable of. She isn’t grouped into an age category or a personality type. She is known for who she is – in a classroom! I couldn’t love that more. Is it really right to take her out of that, and to deprive Lolly and their soon-to-be-born brother of that pleasure?

Or should I be looking at the bigger picture – maybe what will matter more when they are grown are memories of playing outside, living in the sun, growing an outdoor instead of windowsill garden, freedom of safety... countless other benefits to growing up in America that I have forgotten because I’m so acclimated here. It’s not as if there aren’t great schools in America, and it’s not as if bilingualism is the end-all-be-all of education.

If I can be made certain that this move is right for them, then I will not care what it means for my own personal ‘identity’. My husband and my children mean more to me than I mean to myself. I am the wife and the mother, and in my heart, that makes me the enabler. Scott, bless him, sees it the other way around; me and his children mean more to him than he means to himself. So he won’t say outright what he wants to do, because he sees himself as the enabler. He will enable us to stay here if that is what we all want to do. I will enable us to move if that is what they all want to do. I have to say, that is a good place to be in, in the long run! I also have to say, that means one of us has to stand up and make the decision, and I think I know who that person should be and what the decision is.

I need to give Scott the chance he gave me when we got married; I need to let him have a fresh new start and do something life changing.

This means we need to move back.

....

Millions of people grow up in the UK to be intelligent, well-adjusted, happy people. Millions of people grow up in the US to be intelligent, well-adjusted, happy people. My kids can be amongst those millions wherever we live, because they have us to help them along the way. They have sweet friends here that they love in their childlike ways, but they have the ability to make and love new friends just as easily. They have grandparents here they adore to the very deepest places in their souls, but they have grandparents there that they would grow just as attached to and love just as deeply – without losing their deep attachments to the ones they’d have said goodbye to.

My husband could be happy living in Scotland the rest of his life. Or he could be liberated moving to the US and taking control of his life. He could make the most of his life here and be happy watching his children blossom and his wife thrive. Or he could actually enjoy the days and weeks of his life, with the ease of his newfound health, the prospects of a new career at his fingertips, the freedom to indulge in music like he once did, and be surrounded still by the four deepest loves of his life.

Lest I sound like I’ve suddenly somehow re-idealised America, I haven’t. But I can see it through his eyes. It’s the same sort of eyes I saw Scotland with before I came here. Scott couldn’t see the magic and promise I saw in this country, but it was there all along right under his nose. So while I can’t see the magic and promise of America, I can look through his eyes and see what I have become blind to.

I know I could be happy living in Scotland for the rest of my life. I know I have friends here who will be friends for years to come, maybe for life. I also know I could be happy in America, because I used to be happy there. I had friends who came and went, just like I have here in Scotland, but I also have friends that are still there, always ready to take me back into their lives and help me re-adjust. I can reasonably assume that some of my friends here would be the same – ready to welcome me when I come back for visits, never ready to fully release me from their hearts. I have family I love so deeply in both countries. No matter where I go, I will have people I love and yet people I miss. That is just the way of it. So I know what the answer for us is. The answer in the end comes fairly easily.

....

What lies ahead is the hardest part – the slow, painful unravelling of the fabric of this life as I start to let go of what holds me here. The gradual release of possessions, unstitching the tiny squares that formed the quilt of my home bit by bit. The telling people, the lengthy beginnings of goodbyes.

The unavoidable process of detachment.

America: The Beautiful?

I hate to get involved in the Culture Wars, except while in my own home where my husband and I like to mercilessly berate anyone whose views differ from ours and are therefore wrong, but it's late, and my sound judgement is maybe a little off kilter, and I'm just going to say this:

If anyone I know complains on Facebook about the SuperBowl Coca-Cola ad, I will de-friend them.

Yeah, it's maybe a little extreme, and I'm probably going to regret saying that in the morning, and in the end, I'll probably only remove you from my feed as opposed to full-fledged de-friending (maybe), but at this moment, when I'm feeling a little keto-woozey on my half-dram of Glenlivet, I am utterly disgusted with certain Americans right now. America the Beautiful? It is, but it's also made up of a lot of seriously un-beautiful jackasses.

"America the Beautiful" was sung multi-lingually in a Coke ad. It was a nice ad. It was ethnocentric (no, really, America, it was. It was America-worship.), but it was nice. Lots of people singing in their first languages. I heard some Spanish, some French, some German, was that some Arabic? and lots of other languages I'm not educated enough to recognize. It started and ended in English, of course. Me and my family, while watching the SuperBowl, joked that people were going to get all riled up, 'Murica-style about it, but we were only kidding. When Scott told me it really had caused a controversy, I thought he was messing with me. He sent me a link; I assumed it was a hoax site.

But no, really. People are ACTUALLY mad that Coke sang an American song in - gasp - a different language! You mean, all Americans don't speak American? Send those immigrants home!

Oh wait.

Seriously. I shouldn't even have to explain what is wrong with that line of thinking. There is so much wrong with it. I'm going to assume no one needs me to go into all the levels of wrong and stupid this is.

Because if you have a problem with this ad, you are not only an idiot, but you are an idiot. Yeah, I did that on purpose, because there is no other term for the idiocy that these racist Americans are spewing all over the internet. I have no respect for racists. I have some respect sometimes for idiots who can't help being idiots, but not for racist idiots.

MID-STREAM DISCLAIMER: Scott hates when I blog stuff like this. Sorry, honey, blame the whisky. Scott is not affiliated in any way with his wife. Except through marriage but that's different.

Apparently, part of the controversy is that they sang that particular song. Like it's a particularly English-only song. Either people are enraged because it's an American song sung by - gasp - bilingual Americans, or they think it's the national anthem. (To which I ask, why would that matter anyway? And also, it's not.) Is there something unpatriotic about languages that aren't English? Psst. Here's a bit of trivia for you. English isn't our language anyway. We stole it from, you know, England. Unless you are Native American, your own ancestors spoke a different language too upon arriving on this soil (unless they were from, you know, England). Come to think of it, if you ARE Native American, your ancestors also spoke a different language before the Europeans - some of them even spoke English - forced them off their own land and nearly annihilated their entire population with guns and disease.

Anyway, my diatribe is coming to an end. I've just run out of irritated steam. If you haven't seen the ad, here it is, in all it's linguistic glory.



***Now go read this to see what real-live Americans have to say about it.

Speak English!: Racist Revolt as Coca-Cola Airs Multilingual 'America the Beautiful' SuperBowl Ad

40 Questions

For the 9th time, I present to you my...


1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Became a Pampered Chef Consultant! I've always thought about doing it, but upon moving back home, I decided to go for it. And I love it! I also started attending a Lutheran church... never saw that one coming.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I'd say I did a pretty good job last year! My resolution was "to live simply, unmaterialistically,and give myself a break from taking on too many responsibilities." For the most part, I think I succeeded. I don't feel nearly as attached to 'stuff' any more, and most of the attachment I do feel towards it is practical rather than materialistic. I've also managed to not get involved in lots of things. In fact, I can say that I'm doing great at doing nothing, maybe to a fault!

This year my resolution is to rigorously save money, to get a little more exercise, eat a little healthier and lose about 15 pounds. That second half is likely to be a failure, but I'm going to try. Don't you just love the optimism? Also, I'm going to have lots of sex. All of these are a part of my 2014 Theme "Satisfaction" - being satisfied with what I have and where I'm at. Changing what I can but being satisfied with what I can't. And sex, well, that's just satisfying.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister-in-law Katie gave birth to a gorgeous wee daughter, my niece, Erum. And I have two more nieces/nephews due in the upcoming year!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother, my Mamaw, died early this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
We didn't *visit* any new countries, but we started the year living in Scotland and ended the year living in the USA. As for new places visited, though, we travelled to Seattle, WA for the first time.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Last year I answered: "A simplified, uncluttered wardrobe, house and life." Boy, did I get that, and then some.

I don't know about lacking it in 2013, but by the end of 2014 I'd like to have a plan.  A life plan. A rough guide, more like, since my plans never go according to plan.  I'd like to know where we are going to finally settle. I'm a settler; I need to be in a place and stay there, make roots, and become a part of the place.  I'm not a part of this place right now, but I want to figure this out in this next year.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory?
18th of June. The day we moved from Scotland back to America. A happy, sad date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I guess immigrating my husband and three children to the USA was a pretty big achievement. There are who knows how many people out there who are dying to do the same thing we did. It was a big undertaking too.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't think I moved back to America in the most graceful way. I was pretty babyish about it. Nothing went the way we planned it. Saying that, I'm still trying to buck up and take it like an adult, but even now I still can't help feeling like ending up back in my home town was kind of a fail. I know, I KNOW, I'm being childish. Everything happens for a reason and all that. I'm very thankful in a lot of ways that we ended up here instead of Fayetteville. I get to be around my family and some old friends which is hugely awesome. I'm so thankful for that. But I'm a human and allowed to have petty human emotions about it, and I don't like being back in this particular area.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No injuries or illness with me (besides feeling rather depressed in these months post-move), but back in April, Lolly got her finger jammed in a door and severed it almost right off. It was gross. The tip of her finger hung on by a flap of skin. I never blogged about it, because my dear, dear friend who was watching her at her house at the time was so distraught over it. I never once blamed her at all for it. Accidents happen, especially with kids. It was a scary experience though. She had to go under general anaesthesia at the children's hospital to have it surgically reattached.

Lolly at A&E

11. What was the best thing you bought?
We had to buy so many new things this year, most of them pretty mundane, but I'd say Scott's car and our fantastic king size mattress are two of them. Scott would probably say his new computer was tops.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I can hardly believe I'm saying it, but this year Lolly deserves a mention. She's always been a real 'handful' (to put it ultra-mildly), and she still is, but she's changed a lot this year. She's more considerate of other people, more willing to help out, more eager to please. She's still maddeningly defiant, stubborn and uncontrollable, but I think she's grown a lot in the past six months. She sometimes really does care about other people.

13. What regrets do you have about the past year?
Sometimes, if I'm honest, I regret moving. I only feel that way in an emotional sense, though.  Practically speaking, I know without a doubt we made the right decision.  There are so many better opportunities for us out here. But my wee heart is still so attached to Scotland, that sometimes I just wish we'd never left. That's got to be normal right? In general, however, I have no regrets. I don't really do 'regrets'.  The past is the past, and it influences who we become.  I really don't tend to regret things I've done or not done; I just extend and grow out from them, like a tree branches.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Into moving to America. No single doubt about it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got really excited about sending Fifi to a charter school in Northwest Arkansas and went to crazy lengths to get her into it. (All to turn around and have to turn down our space because we didn't move there.) I got really excited about Fifi playing the part of Gretl in The Sound of Music in the Greenock Beacon Arts Centre. She was amazing, so incredibly good. And most recently, I got reallly, really, really excited about visiting a couple of our oldest friends, Jonathan and Sarah, in Seattle!


16. What song/album will always remind you of 2013?
There was one song on one of the Glee soundtracks that reminds me of a very emotional moment back in Scotland preparing for the move. I had the afternoon free of children, and I was in the kids' room clearing out. It was very hard for me to make the kids get rid of so many toys. It felt really cruel. Anyway, so I was feeling very emotional about moving, and leaving so many people and things I'd grown to love and that had formed me into the woman I'd become. This song, 'As If We Never Said Goodbye' from Sunset Boulevard, came on, and though for the most part it had nothing to do with my situation, this line caused me to burst into tears.
I've spent so many mornings
Just trying to resist you.
I'm trembling now,
You can't know how I've missed you!

Missed the fairy tale adventure
In this ever spinning playground,
We were young together.
It described how I resisted moving to the US for so long, how much I missed my family and friends back in the US, and how much I'd soon miss my family and friends in the UK.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? I've been both ridiculously happy and overwhelmingly sad.
thinner or fatter? Still kinda overweight, but a lot more okay with my shape and size. Acceptance, satisfaction.
richer or poorer? A little richer, I guess, but not feeling like it matters any more. :)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Last year's answer: Exercise.
This year's answer: Exercise.

I also wish I'd just spent a little more time with family and friends in Scotland, though I know that's silly. I spent as much quality time with everyone as I could amidst the whirlwind of immigration. But I still wish I could just have another couple of days with people.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I don't know. Complaining, probably.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
We went to a Christmas Eve candlelight service at church on Christmas Eve.  We spent Christmas morning with my mom and step-dad and my brothers and their families. We spent Christmas evening at my aunt's house with the whole extended family. It was the first time in heaven knows how long that all of the cousins were back together again. It was awesome seeing everyone again and meeting my cousin in Dallas's son. Then the following Saturday we had Christmas with my dad and step-mom and again my brothers' families.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
This year, I spent the most time on the phone with my in-laws, Andy and Marion. I love them so, so much. (And they are both coming out to America in three weeks!!!)

22. What's your best memory from 2013?
This year is so entirely split in two that I'll need to answer in two parts.

My greatest Scotland memories of 2013 are:
-Seeing Fifi in The Sound of Music.
-Camping in Heather's mum's camper with Heather, Paula and Elaine at Millport and getting to go on a boat ride.
-Staying in Sheila's holiday home in Kingussie with Scott, and visiting all the local sites, like the Wildlife Centre and the CairnGorm Mountains in the snow.
-Staying in Kingussie again with close friends, to say goodbye in style and with wine.
-My last strawberry daiquiri with Maria at Flava. (Okay, who's cutting onions here?)
-The last night in our old flat, with all the furniture gone and suitcases packed, with Andy and Marion, eating pakora and Kate and Faisal and Adam showing up with Irn Bru. One last hurrah. (What's with the fricking onions?!!)




My greatest American memories are:
-Visiting Jonathan and Sarah in Seattle, of course.
-Our first of many Thanksgivings and Christmases with my Arkansas family

23. How have you seen yourself grow as a person this year?
I don't know if it's considered growing... I can tell you how I've changed.

I've let go of ties. I've let go of things that have held me in place. In a lot of ways, I'm floating right now, trying to find a place to land and take root. Right now, I have no roots, I have no foundation. I'm discovering who I am and what I believe in the very depths of myself. Some of it isn't what I'd like to see, but I'm aiming for acceptance. I've never been a pretender, not with myself or with anyone else, but now I feel I'm going even deeper and I'm trying to decipher even more what is under there, in areas that have always been undercover. I'm so glad that I've had all this down time since moving here, because it's given me time to reacquaint myself with me.

That's pretty lame, Lori.

24. What was your favourite TV programme(s)?
I've been watching some random shows on Netflix like Heroes, The League and Arrow. Out of boredom, mostly. I'm still keeping up with Glee and HIMYM, and I finished Dexter.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
I read the whole Harry Potter series and I read Silence by Shusako Endo. That was probably one of the most life-changing books I've ever read. In a sad, good way. I can't believe I never wrote a review on that. I must remedy that.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Though I sound totally pretentious saying this, because I've only listened to a few songs on one album, Scott is getting me onto Band of Horses. It all started with this song....


I also liked this song and need to listen to the album more. Thank you, Scott, for your musical tastes.


And finally, this band, and this song.


28. What did you want and get?
A cat.

29. What did you want and not get?
A car. (My own car.)

30. What were your favourite films of this year?
I'm sure we saw some films, but I can't really think of anything that stood out. Took the kids to see Frozen, and we all liked that. But grown-up films? Don't know.

Netflix, however, has allowed me to watch all kids of old films that I've never seen before.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a low key birthday. It was my 31st, and I went out to dinner with my Friday morning TinyTalk mums/friends. It was a lot of fun. They were (are) an amazing group of women. All very strong, smart, genuinely kind and loving, genuinely good. And all married. Sorry, fellas. (I miss you all.)

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I don't know how to answer this question this year. This year has been what it's been. It's been a crazy clash of happy and sad.  When I think about it, I really couldn't say there was more we could've done. We made it through, in tact. I'm satisfied with that.

If I had to answer something, though, I'd say the year would have been more satisfying with all my old clothes! (Very unsatisfying year in the wardrobe department. I miss all of you, my beautiful jumpers!)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
It started out as usual, I like to dress a little quirky and cute. It's now kind of become a t-shirt and jeans thing for me, since I had to give away all my clothes to move. I've been given lots of clothes from people here, and I'm so incredibly thankful for all of it. I'd be somewhat naked without it. It'll be nice when I can actually look in my closet and see my style though. I miss my style.

34. What kept you sane?
Having a husband and three children I truly enjoy being around. Having my mom around has been great too, and my mother-in-law visiting from Scotland regularly has been a huge one. She and Andy are two of my best friends, and I've been a little lost without their constant presence.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I actually would have had an answer for this one this year. I would've said Pink. She's actually way more awesome than I realized. Like as a person. I only know her popular songs, so I can't really comment on her tunes. But this question got changed last year so...

35b. Which holiday or special occasion meant the most to you?
Scott's 30th birthday was the most exciting, special occasion for me (us) this year. It was for his 30th that we went to Seattle. I had a big 30th birthday bash for mine, but Scott's not a party-person. This was the perfect way to bring in his third decade. With awesome friends in an awesome city.


36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Last year's answer: "American gun control, health care and same-sex marriage. I'll keep mum about my opinions on each though! This is not a political blog. :)"

This year's answer: Health care and same-sex marriage. And this year I'll say loud and clear, PEOPLE SHOULD GET HEALTH CARE AND BE ALLOWED TO MARRY WHO THEY WANT. In a nutshell. I could discuss further, and maybe I will soon enough. But for now...

37. Who did you miss?
I missed (miss) my Scottish family and friends. All of them. Too many to name. And now I miss Jonathan and Sarah (but they'll be visiting us in Arkansas soon!).

38. Who was the best new person (people) you met?
The best new people I've met have been Lolly's soccer team moms. They are all really cool, nice people, and I need to make an effort in the new year to get to know them better.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
At the end of the day, the best you can be is just honest.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
Early I mentioned some lyrics from the song, 'As If We Never Said Goodbye'. Later in the song come the lyrics:

I don't want to be alone,
That's all in the past.
This world's waited long enough,
I've come home at last!

And this time will be bigger
And brighter than we knew it.
So watch me fly
We all know I can do it!
As I listened in tears to that song over and over again that afternoon, I told myself that this song, despite all the parts that didn't apply, would be the song that summed up my whole year. I'd kind of forgotten about it until now, but I'm glad I've been reminded. This time WILL be bigger and brighter than we knew it. So watch me fly, we all know I can do it!

A Christmas Lights Story

Quote of the night: "I can't wait for this to be over so we can go get smoothies."

That's the gr-attitude we got for sitting in 45 minutes of traffic to go see some Christmas lights with which to delight our children. Thanks, Fifi.

Everyone told us that Sherwood Forest was a great place to go see lights, so we headed out to drive the 30 minutes into Sherwood. All was going fine until we pulled onto the street leading to the light display... and came to a stand still. The forest, according to GPS was only 1 mile away, but the traffic was back to back the whole way. Literally, we pulled onto the road at 6.19, and we pulled into the forest at 6.55. Then we entered the actual light display at 7.10. And we were back out of the display at 7.30.


That's the kids all getting a little stir crazy in the back seat.

I kept them entertained (and probably the people in the car behind me) while we waited with a laser pointer. That was Scott's clever idea.

But as we drove through the lights, we decided it was kind of worth it. It was fun. Not entirely sure it was wait-in-traffic-for-the-better-part-of-an-hour fun, but fun nonetheless. Fifi, after her exasperated remarks on waiting in the queue ended up exclaiming that this was the best thing that ever happened to her, so that was something.


Because it was Sherwood Forest, of course.


My favourite one. It was animated with the finger buttons moving and swirleys coming out the bell.


Because in America it's a sin to not pay tribute to the flag at every single holiday. This one had animated fireworks.


A fun little display. Reindeer practice.


Santa worshipping baby Jesus. Oh my giddy aunt, there is just too much to say about this one. I'll just leave it with 'LOL'.


Santa waving bye-bye. Thanks for waiting in the queue for half your night! Fifi, you can finally go get those smoothies you've been waiting for!

ODP Day 4: Homecoming!

 

I don't know how it happened, but today I was thrown back to approximately 13 years ago in my past. I went to a Homecoming Parade.

Not just any Homecoming Parade, MY Homecoming Parade. My alma mater, my high school. I heard the cheerleaders young enough to be my daughters calling out the same cheers they did 13 years ago. I watched school club 'Sweethearts' in Barbie dresses ride on top of convertibles and wave like the Queen. I actually cheered a loud, inappropriate 'WHOOOO!' when the Forensics and Debate Sweethearts drove by. I got a little teen-angst when I saw all the popular girls who got voted Homecoming Maids and Queen smiling their (what I perceived as) fake, condescending smiles. I felt like I had zits on my face all over again.

And I had a lot of trouble believing that they didn't look back at me and see a cool (ish) teenager with red hair and piercings,  but a soccer mom in her 30s sitting in the trunk of her mini van looking a little like mutton dressed as lamb.


I'd forgotten how awful high school is.

The parade was fun though. The kids loved it, even Jaguar. There were marching bands and a gazillion cheerleaders and the ROTC and fire trucks and some local businesses with floats. Even though the humidity was torture (particularly for my mother-in-law's Scottish blood), we enjoyed ourselves and were glad we made the effort to go. (We nearly didn't.)










I picked Fifi up from school, and we drove straight to the parade, though it wasn't starting for another hour and a half, to avoid the traffic. We got a great parking spot facing the street and walked down to the ice cream parlour to kill time before the parade.

I say ice cream 'parlour' but I should really call it ice cream 'nirvana'. This was the first time I'd ever visited the 3 Flamingos Frozen Yogurt, but it won't be my last! The place was amazing. It was a self-serve frozen yogurt bar on steroids with every conceivable flavour of frozen yogurt you could imagine* and every possible topping you could ever literally dream up. You choose your fro-yo, top it up with sugary awesomeness and weigh it to determine the price. It was A.MAZ.ING.

(*Redundant wording, yes, but necessarily so.)

Ice Cream and Gran - what more could they want?

Buzzing with parading patrons.

Tahitian Vanilla and Gummy Bears for Lolly.

This is how much Jaguar loved the fro-yo.

I will be going back there often, with or without children.

******

Oops I think I blinked.

So, you've seen the sneak peaks of The Dress already now, but here are the 'official' shots. We were running late this morning for school, so there was no time to get artsy-fartsy with the camera-phone.

I wore The Dress at a top today, tucked into my jeans. I loved the look, but it was too daggum hot today for it really, and I pretty much cooked all day long. The bird scarf and the pinstripe hat didn't really help with the heat. The shoes were my $5 number from Kmart.

Fifi wore The Dress under her school t-shirt, with a pair of pop socks and light-up graffiti sneakers. She wore a matching red ribbon in her hair. The t-shirt came off halfway through the day at school, because it was so hot, and then she swapped the dress out for running shorts and the t-shirt again for the parade. Fair enough, it was really humid and awful today.

******

One last thing. Last year, if you'll recall, I participated in the October Dress Project to raise money for Macmillan Cancer Support in Scotland. This year I still want to do the project for a cause, so I'm opening up a Pampered Chef Fundraiser Show to raise money for Help Whip Cancer. 15% of the sales will go to charity, so if you place an order, you'll be contributing to the fundraiser. It's the only way I can think to do ODP for charity this year, so please feel free to share the link with whomever, and hopefully together we can make a difference!

Home Alone Without the Macaulay Culkin

Tonight is Fifi and Lolly's soccer practice night. Even though nothing much happens at soccer practice, I really look forward to it. Same with church. Not that the church we are visiting is terribly exciting, but I look forward to it every week. And it's the same with the walk to school every morning and afternoon. Though I hate sweltering in the heat, I look forward to it.

Why?

I think it's because I am around other people at these places.

I am not used to being on my own so much. Probably there has never been another time in my whole entire life where I have been alone so often. I went to school and college, always surrounded by people. I moved to Scotland, and there I didn't know anybody, true, but I went to work. And then I stopped working to have kids but quickly met people at baby swimming and breastfeeding groups and TinyTalk and was never on my own since.

But here, I neither work nor socialize. I spend all day from early morning to late afternoon with only Lolly and Jaguar for company. Then Fifi comes home, and then Scott comes home, and then sometimes in the evening I see my parents. That's it though.

I love my little kids, of course, and I love my husband and parents, but I have no idea what to do with all this alone time. I look forward to soccer practice, because I get to sit in the bleachers with other parents watching the same kids on the team, and I have someone to make small talk with. I look forward to church, because I keep hoping I'll make a friend there. I look forward to walking to and from school thinking I might meet someone along the way.

Now, I'm not wholly without friends. Thank God for Devon, whose been one of my best friends since high school. Meeting up with her now and again has been great. No small talk necessary, I can just be myself without going through that initial getting-to-know-you phase. And there are a few other people scattered around that eventually I'll get a chance to meet up with, people I either knew years ago or that I have recently met.

But at this present stage, it's pretty much me on my own. It's weird. It's quiet. It's nice in a way, I guess. It's nice not having to rush around like crazy all the time but just hanging out in my comfortable, clean, air-conditioned house. It's been good playing with Jaguar and Lolly and the dog. But it's kind of lonely. Not terribly lonely yet; I'm not crying into a box of tissues or anything. I just wonder how and if I'll ever end up meeting anyone.

The people around here, maybe they are just different from Scottish people. I just find people so very insular here, so isolated. When I try to strike up conversation with someone at the park, it falls flat. When I make small talk with another mother at the library storybook time, it doesn't really go anywhere. No one at the school stands around waiting for their kids but instead stay in their air-conditioned cars in the carpool lanes. The people at church come, sing, hear a sermon, and go home. (Except for during that incredibly uncomfortable 'Stand and shake hands with someone/Peace Be With You' segment which makes me and Scott both want to crawl under a rock.) People I guess just have their lives and their things going on and don't really have anything to do with anyone else outside of that.

Scott used to think Southerners were annoyingly friendly. He must've been basing this on restaurant waitresses and department store salesmen. I remember thinking when I moved to Scotland that West-of-Scotlanders were much friendlier. Always you have someone making chit-chat with you about the weather, the price of groceries, the weather, the tardiness of buses, the weather. It was all small talk, sure, but it was friendly. Maybe Southerners see small talk as meaningless and therefore avoid it. There's a point to that, I guess, but it makes it hard to strike up random friendships. After all, it was through random small talk at baby swimming that I met one of my best friends, Maria!

Eventually, I'm sure, I'll start to meet people. I've signed up to be on the PTA. I've joined a book club. I'm going to start selling Pampered Chef. I'll meet people eventually. For now, I'll just need to learn to enjoy my 'me' time, and be so thankful I've got a few friends from way back when, which is more than someone moving to an all new town would have. I'm definitely lucky to have that.

And I'm so thankful for Skype and text messaging and Facebook, which lets me keep in touch with all my great friends back in Greenock!

Finding Home Sweet Home

Eight years and ten months ago, I moved to Scotland. I believed it was a permanent move; I planned to live the rest of my life there and be buried on Scottish soil. (Then I later decided not to be buried on Scottish soil but to donate my remains to medicine, but you know, it would’ve been Scottish medicine.) I immediately started planting firm and lasting roots in that country with my husband, and a few years later, my children. I started my own businesses, helped run a few charities, and chose the best school I possibly could for my children, while Scott worked tirelessly to provide for all of us and advance his career.

From time to time, people would ask if I ever thought I’d move back to the US. It was always a firm ‘no way’ in response. Yet, despite all this, about a year and a half ago, the tide started turning, and Scott and I began considering a different life for ourselves and our family... in the USA.

From that moment, we were certain that if it happened, there would be no other place for us to move to other than Northwest Arkansas – Fayetteville, or thereabouts. There was no other option. If we were going to leave our Scottish home, we would only leave it for that place. And that’s what we planned. We looked at houses there, jobs, schools, churches. We left Scotland with NWA as our destination. I would not have left for any other place.

Then we arrived in Arkansas and moved in temporarily with my mom and step-dad in the temporary town in which I grew up. And my whole life plan once again started spinning, with the arrow pointing who knows where.

Seeing our kids absolutely thrive in the presence of so much family was beautiful. They were used to being close to family in Scotland, with Scott’s parents and sister’s family so close. Scott knew almost right away that the real direction our lives were headed was right here, close to family. He felt at home almost immediately. I, however, took longer.

I could not face living in central Arkansas. I could not stand the idea of being somewhere so ‘boring’ and so, well, far from where my heart longed to be. I didn’t move to Arkansas to stay here! But I couldn’t deny the fact that being close to family was best for our kids either, and I started to accept that this is, in fact, where we’ll be living. BUT. Only on one condition. We DO NOT live in my hometown. That was my final offer.

And somewhere up in heaven God sat laughing or maybe pitying, because it seems that’s the worst thing you can ever say – ‘I will NEVER.’ It’s almost like a jinx, or a dare.

NEVER did I EVER intend to come back to live in my hometown. I left for college with the determination never to come back, except for holidays and homecoming weekend. Then I left for Scotland which was even further than I’d expected.

Then somehow, I ended up right back here where I NEVER thought I’d end up.

We discussed living in Little Rock, or Sherwood, or some place in that direction, but I knew deep down that this wasn’t the answer. Still, I pushed that niggling feeling out as we pursued the options. I was still upset over not being in NWA, particularly because Fifi had gotten a space in a great charter school, which is hard to get. As I considered all the schools in the central area, I still knew that the answer was precisely where I did not want it to be: right here.

We’ve made our decision now. Beyond anything I ever believed, we are going to stay in my hometown. And after a good long cry about it, I am at peace with this. My kids will thrive here, in a good school system, with family all around, and lots of wide, open spaces to play in. It will be safe here, and they will get to experience a simplified way of life (which fits in with my intended theme for 2013 - "Simplicity"), out here in the country. Once we have our jobs secure, we will start looking for our own house, right here, in this town I know all too well, haunted by so many memories, but I’m happy with this decision. I know in my heart it’s the right one.

But I’m still planning on retiring somewhere else.

Arrivals and Departures

It's been two weeks now since we arrived in the Good Ole USA. We had a horrendous time getting over here; our international flight to Philadelphia was disrupted by a storm over Philadelphia airport, so after circling for a while, we were rerouted to Baltimore to refuel. We had to sit on the plane for an hour and a half, with no air conditioning and no drinks, until they flew us back to Philly. Because of the three hours this added to our flight, everyone missed all their connections. We were given hotel and meal vouchers and sent to stay overnight in hotel. This wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact we had twelve suitcases among us! Between us three adults (Scott, his mum Marion and I), we had to manage the three children while unloading twelve 50lb suitcases out of baggage claim, out the airport, onto a hotel shuttle, into the hotel and then up the lifts to our rooms. And then a few hours later (we had to leave the hotel at 4.30 to catch our new 6am flights), we had to do it all again in reverse. It was awful. We finally arrived in Arkansas at half-ten Wednesday morning.


Since then, it's been great. The kids are positively LOVING it out here. They love being able to go in and out all day long, playing in the garden, playing in the pool, playing with the dog. The heat is a bit oppressive, but already we are all starting to acclimatize (see the z?). Except for Jaguar. It's still too hot for him, so he has been a really fussy baby for the past couple of weeks. The new surroundings and the heat combined with typical one-year-old separation anxiety makes for one difficult, clingy baby. But he'll adjust soon too.


We've had lots of fun (though the fun has been mingled with sad moments here and there as we remember Scotland and all those people and things we've had to leave behind). We have done loads of shopping, toured some caverns, gone swimming, visited the cinema to see Monsters University in 3D, and meet up with old friends and family.

There's not much to report yet in the way of official stuff. Marion only left yesterday, so today is the first real official day of what will from now on be considered 'normal' for us. Or at least, as normal as it can be right now, while living in my mother's house! We are all doing well. The last two weeks were spent as 'holidays' with Scott's mum here, and we had such a good time with her. I'm so glad she came out with us. Saying goodbye was no fun though... yesterday was a really emotional day for everyone. But now it's time to get going on all the really boring stuff, like looking for cars, a house, and all that sort of stuff.

More updates will come!


We miss you already, Mum and Dad, Kate and Faisal and Adam!!!

So Long, Farewell, Chewbacca

It's been an emotional day.

Well, the emotions started running a bit high yesterday when we watched Fifi's black wrought-iron daybed leave the house after being sold. I loved that bed. I bought it when Fifi was two years old, because it wasn't babyish, and she'd be able to keep it well into her teen years. To see it go was like watching another little opening in our lives here in Scotland close up.

Then today we said goodbye to Chewbacca.

Chewbacca is our pet rabbit. Or shall I say, was. He is a sooty fawn mini lop and one of the grumpiest animals I've ever come to know (and love). Still, I've enjoyed watching Chewy skip and hop around the living room for the past two years and have felt very honoured on the few occasions he's actually approached me for some pats and attention.

Today, my dear friend Sheila (and Lolly's dear friend Eden) along with Eden's dad and two brothers, became Chewy's new family. Sheila and her husband Francis came over this afternoon and took the large two-story hutch, the box of food/hay/treats, and our little Chewbacca home with them.

It was emotional enough for me, but oh, when the kids got home...

They knew Chewy was moving in with Eden's family, but I'd forgotten to mention this morning that he was leaving today. The girls came in from school and upon seeing the missing hutch both burst into hysterical tears. I had the hardest time consoling them, for I too was feeling upset. Lolly kept crying, "I don't want to leave Scotland! I want to stay here forever and get Chewy back!" I just held her in my lap (which proved difficult as jealousy took over Jaguar and he wouldn't stop trying to push her out of the way to get in my lap too) and rocked her and let her get out all her sadness. After a while, I gently asked her, "Are you not wanting a pool in your garden then?" and she dried her eyes and said, "Okay." "And sunshine?" She smiled. And the two girls seemed to be back on the mend.

I spent the rest of the day today (my day off, I'll add) clearing out their dresser drawers and wardrobe, my dresser drawers and Jaguar's dresser drawers. It feels so close now, so real, that in just over a month, we will be leaving this house and this place behind.

My head is throbbing. I feel overwhelmed, cranky, tired and sad. I know there is much to look forward to, but on days like this, everything just gets on top of me. Add to my day the fact that the car was in the garage, costing us a neat little sum of money, right before we are looking to sell it, and then that Lolly decided to foolishly stick her newly bandaged finger into Jaguar's bathwater, necessitating an emergency trip back to the A&E again for a new dressing (wasting precious hours of clearing out time), and I just feel wiped out. I'm only blogging now instead of folding the immense pile of clothes on the couch, because I promised myself I would attempt another Blog Challenge, this time a 'Blog Every Day in May' one.

The topic for today's challenge was '5 Lines'. I'm supposed to sum myself up in five lines and include a photo. So let's see if I can do it.

In 5 Lines
I am a mother, a wife, and a friend.
I lived in the US then Scotland, and soon back again.
I love to write and draw and make;
I love to read and sing and bake.
I'm scattered as can be, which drives me (and Scott) around the bend.

Conflicts of Feeling

I just needed an image... & I'll miss this bread.

The countdown is on. It is really truly on.

Sad as it is that we will be leaving the country in about seven weeks exactly, it is finally getting to the exciting stage. And the OH MY GOSH THIS IS FOR REAL stage. And the HOW AM I GOING TO GET EVERYTHING DONE?? stage.

There are so many mundane things to take care of. We need to cancel utility services (gas, electricity, internet). We need to pack what we are keeping, sell what we can, and dump all the rest. How?! I am starting to collect boxes, pack suitcases (and I need to get my hands on more suitcases, as we don't have enough!), and throw away junk. Scott has been watching plane tickets. We are now simply waiting on the Embassy to send us Scott's interview date. We are so close.

It's overwhelming.

The kids are doing great with it. They are excited about America and are coping okay with seeing stuff get sold out from under them, but there are still heartbreaking moments. As I tried to help them this morning clear out some stuff from their room, Fifi spotted some teeny tiny Happy Meal kind of toy, and as I started to put it in the trash bag, she flipped. 'I LOVE THAT! IT IS MY FAVOURITE TOY! YOU ARE TAKING AWAY EVERYTHING I LOOOOOOVE!!!' she wailed. It was a stupid toy I've never even seen before. So I let her keep it, and she spent the rest of the day fondling it, playing with it, and loving on it. It breaks my heart to be doing this to them, even though I know it's going to be a great experience for them. I just hate that they can't have it all: their toys, their Scottish family, their school, their friends AND America too.

I myself have come to terms quite well with a lot of my feelings regarding moving. I am feeling a freedom in handing over my belongings, whether it be to friends or to the bin. Part of me is excited about owning extremely little and letting go of my material things. The hard part will be fighting that urge to refill my life with more pointless things when I re-establish myself in our new home. Like losing weight quickly, I'll have to be careful not to pile it all back on. But I'm excited and feel liberated in this.

Saying that, Scott and I both felt a pang when Fifi's toy kitchen sold today... She got that for her first Christmas. Scott spent the whole day building it for her after she opened the box on Christmas morning. It kind of has some memories attached to it there, which is a bit sore.

I'll miss this more.

Next week, or thereabouts, we will be saying goodbye to Chewbacca, our rabbit. That's going to be a sore one on all of us; I think even Scott might miss the wee bugger just a little bit. Luckily, he is going to a great home, where we will be able to visit him several times before we actually move away, hopefully making the transition easier on us, Lolly especially. Lolly loves that rabbit so much. It's going to hurt me seeing her say goodbye to him more than it will hurt saying goodbye to him myself. These are the swings and roundabouts of moving.

I'm looking forward to the move now. My little trip over last week made such a difference in my heart. I'm an emotional person, and while I'm also rational, it's hard for me to get behind something I don't feel anything for along with the rational decision-making part of me. Rationally, we decided to move to the States but emotionally I wanted to stay here. Thankfully now though, after spending time with my brothers and their families, and my Dad and Denise, and my Mom and David, and the rest of my family, and my dear friend Devon, I am so looking forward to being over there with them. And after enjoying the wonderful weather, including an exciting thunderstorm, I am really looking forward to this. It's helped me feel emotionally compelled to do this, rather than solely intellectually.

But still, it all swings back to... goodbye to my mother- and father-in-law, who in reality are now closer to me than my own biological family, goodbye to my sister- and brother-in-law and nephew, goodbye to my dear wonderful friends, too numerous to name (but it is too hard to say goodbye to you, Maria, Heather, Carol, oh the list goes on...), goodbye to the Gaelic unit and the excellent teachers I have so much respect for, goodbye to this new church that I have so quickly found a home in (thanks to you wonderful women, Sheila and Robyn)... it's too much, too much.

I'm glad this move is only seven weeks away. I need these conflicting feelings to culminate, erupt, boil over and start to cool. I need this in-between time to end.

But I must end on a happy note. I am going to be so happy once we are settled into our new lives. Fifi is going to a great school. We are going to make great new friends in Northwest Arkansas. I will be only a few hours away from my family instead of a few days. We will be closer to Scott's brother's family. Scott is going to have a new job. I am going to decorate a new house. We are going to play outside in the sun and watch thrilling thunderstorms out our windows. I'm going to have ceiling fans.

It's going to be good.



*I just really want to add that I drew the images above, and I'm pure proud of them. :)

A Big Surprise

As many already know by now, I just returned home to Scotland after a secret trip to Arkansas to surprise my dad at his retirement ceremony.  It was awesome.

My dad retired this month from 30-odd years in the Air National Guard.  For his retirement present, my step-mom, Denise, secretly arranged (with the help of my brothers and sister-in-law) for Jaguar and me to fly over to Arkansas and show up at the ceremony without him knowing anything about it.  We were worried he would somehow find out, but the secret was kept well, and my dad was utterly surprised.

He said he had thought earlier on that possibly this was what Denise was planning for him, but as time drew near and I didn't arrive, he put the thought out of his mind.   A few minutes into the ceremony, it was announced that 'we will be joined by two special guests...'  Dad couldn't think who those two special guests would be... until the speaker added '... From Scotland' and out Jaguar and I came.  The look on his face was priceless!

It was such a wonderful surprise, and such a great experience for us all to be there.  I am so proud of my Dad's military service, and so VERY proud that he ended up serving as the Command Chief of Arkansas, the highest ANG position in the state.  Go, Chief!

I loved seeing my dad and Denise again, and getting to know Denise a lot better.  I loved spending time staying at my brother's house and getting to know him, Charity and Ava better.  I loved visiting my mom and step-dad, David, and spending a bit of time with my niece PaisLee.  And I was so happy to snatch a few hours with my BF Devon and her adorable children on the last day in town.

It was also a blessing in disguise for our move.  At Scott's immigration interview, he has to prove that I am 're-establishing domicile' in America, since I am not currently living there.  While in Arkansas, I was able to renew my driver's license, set up a savings account, and hire out a storage unit (and put some stuff in it), all of which will help with the application.  I also received confirmation of Fifi's acceptance into a school, which will help a lot too! 

Furthermore, it helped me feel more settled emotionally.  This move is a hard one, full of mixed emotions. Until that boint, I felt very sad and lonely about leaving Scotland.  This place is my home.  I love it here.  (Hate the weather, but love everything else.)  Being in Arkansas for a week really got me excited about moving back.  The weather is gorgeous, the way of life is laid back, and my family is lively and fun.  And the food is DE-FREAKIN-LISH.

None of that detracts from how hard it will be to leave this place and this family and this school, but it does give me a lot to look forward to.

It also gave me a little break in which I can now see the remaining chunk of time we will still be in Scotland as a short, separated unit of time - seven or eight weeks, in which we have loads and loads to do!

Anybody want to buy my stuff?  (More lists to follow!)

How's the Weather?

Phew! Well now that that's off my chest...!

There's just so much to say that I've been wanting to say but couldn't say! Yet now that I have the opportunity... I can't think of anything. So yeah.

So. It's the end of March and it's half snowing/ half raining outside. I have to admit, the number one thing I'm looking forward to is decent weather. (Sorry, family and friends, looks like you've come in second.) I even went so far as to buy a summer skirt and two tank tops today while in the mall - and get this, the tank tops are to wear by themselves. Not just under my jacket under my jumper under my t-shirt, but alone, bare-armed and all. Crazy.

And I'm looking forward to not having wet trouser legs all the time, and soggy shoes and socks.

But I'm not looking forward to overwhelming heat and humidity so thick and stifling that you can't breathe outside and the moment you open your front door, you are sticky with sweat. And I'm not looking forward to opening my car door on a summer afternoon, and having to roll down the window immediately just to let the actual visible waves of heat pour out then roll them back up quickly so the air conditioner air doesn't escape.

Swings and roundabouts, six or half a dozen, or as we'd say in Arkansas... hmm. What would we say in Arkansas?

I'm off to bed. Feeling exhausted and a bit (a lot) overwhelmed by the all the things we need to sort out in the next couple of months. Plus, Baby Jaguar has the chicken pox, and Lolly doesn't feel well, and I'm just in from dress rehearsal for a show that starts tomorrow evening. I was going to do my Tesco online shopping tonight, but methinks I'll save that for tomorrow morning when *fingers crossed* Baby J is sleeping.

(In case your deductive skills are not all they could be, Baby Jaguar is Jaguar, so named by his big sister Lolly while still in utero. She's got a thing for Dora the Explorer.)