The EVEN NEWER 100 Things About Me

Every now and again, I update my "About Me" page with more up-to-date and accurate information. I wrote the first 100 Things About Me in 2006.  I updated them in 2012.  It's been almost five years since then, and while a few things stay the same (where I was born, for instance), boy-howdy, have things about me changed since 2012! So once again, I present you with the highly self-centered and narcissistic:

Fireworks because this is so awesome.

The EVEN NEWER 100 Things About Me: (2016)

1. I was born, raised and educated in Arkansas, the Natural State. (Previously known as "The Land of Opportunity".)

2. I attended the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville and got my degree in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing.

3. I then married a Scotsman named Scott and moved to Greenock, Scotland, where we stayed for nine years.

4. During those nine years, we created three awesome and insane children, Fifi, Lolly and Jaguar (not their real names).

5. When Jaguar was 10 months old, the five of us moved back to Arkansas.

6. I was a devout Christian for 30+ years.

7. I am now an atheist.

8. I wrote a book about it.

9. In school and college, I went on several mission trips. These trips took me around the world to Venezuela, Mexico, Canada, Israel, Jordan, Pakistan, Wales and Scotland.

10. I've also been to France and England but not on a mission trip.

11. I love languages, and while I am the master of none, I have studied French, Arabic, Scots Gaelic and British Sign Language.  I am very good at English though.

12. In fact, English grammar is my pet passion, and I love it so much that I took an advanced grammar course in college FOR FUN. It was a required course for aspiring English teachers, and I was the only person taking that class as an elective.

13. When I moved to the UK, I purchased Fowler's Modern English Usage, so I could adapt to proper British grammar instead of American. Moving back to the US and re-adapting to American grammar has been confusing.

14. Speaking of grammar, one of my embarrassing intellectual memories includes freshman year in college writing in a paper that I was great at "grammer" and the professor replying in red ink "just not at spelling?". Cringe.

15. Also, I love the Oxford comma, but a career requiring AP style is slowly dousing that flame. I still believe in it but not as passionately as I once did.

16. Speaking of career, I am the regional communications director for the American Red Cross Serving Oklahoma and Arkansas. I have previously kept that anonymous, but to avoid conflict of interest, I fully disclose that now.

17. And I disclose that also to state that all opinions shared in this blog are mine (or used to be mine) and are not the opinions of my employer.  (Disclaimer complete. Moving on.)

18. Before working for the Red Cross, I worked in communications for a health care nonprofit, where I learned that according to AP style, "health care" is two words, not one. However, "voicemail" is now one word.

19. My hobbies change frequently, but over the years they have consisted of baking, sewing, card-making, painting, acting and exercising. The only hobbies that have truly weathered all the seasons of my life though are writing and reading.

20. Hobbies I have tried to take up but failed at miserably include gardening and crocheting.

21. I used to bite my nails horribly until I turned 18. At 18 I decided to become a grown-up and somehow kicked the habit. Now I'm kind of precious about my nails.

22. I do still bite them when I get nervous or anxious though.

23. I get anxious a lot actually and have a serious problem with over-analyzing everything in my life. Even my therapist tells me I need to get out of my own head and stop over-thinking everything.

24. I've just started seeing a therapist. I feel sorry for her.

25. Along with anxiety, I also deal with depression, body image/relationship with food and ADHD.

26. I cope pretty well with all of those things though. Or so I think. My therapist may think otherwise.

27. I also struggle with a whole slough of issues stemming from my life as an evangelical, Calvinist Christian, that I'm only just starting to unpack. I know that's an unpopular thing to say in the Bible Belt where being a Christian is supposed to be the best life choice for happiness and well-being, but in my spiritually masochistic heart, it wasn't.

28. Even though I'm an atheist, I'm not a "militant atheist", and I don't hate believers of any faith. I genuinely hope all people find peace and happiness in their faith or lack thereof. So I will never try to convince someone to stop believing what they believe. I'm afraid too many people don't understand that about me though.

29. I was a DJ for our college radio station, KXUA. I called myself DJ Xia and for some reason always spoke in a low voice while on the air. I certainly hope that I have kicked that habit now, especially as my job requires some on-air time here and there.

30. I like to change the subject sometimes when it gets too intense or controversial.

31. I used to be one to avoid conflict, and at times I still do when the conflict is unnecessary, but I'm also now very good at approaching conflict head on when needed. I will be frank with you if it will make a bad or weird situation better.

32. I am a control freak and a perfectionist.

33. I am ambitious and competitive.

34. I am also a really good listener.

35. I am relentlessly too honest and am trying to learn if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

36. When I was in fifth grade, I accidentally set part of my grandpa's cow field on fire with a bottle rocket. It was absolutely terrifying watching at least an acre, if not more, instantly become engulfed in flames. (No one was hurt.)

37. I was afraid of fire for a very long time after that. Couldn't even stand candles.

38. My other childhood fears were kidnappers and burglars. I blame Unsolved Mysteries and Rescue 911.

39. I also had a lifelong phobia of spiders. FOR REAL PHOBIA. I could not get close enough to them to even kill them or stick a cup over them. But when I moved back to Arkansas as a mother who had to protect her children from the (sometimes venomous) evil eight-legged hellspawn, I had to overcome that fear in order to get close enough to them to kill them. Now I hate them but don't have panic attacks over them. (Which is no lie - I used to have panic attacks over spiders.)

40. I used to have a pet lhaso apso named Bandit. He got dognapped.

41. I always think I'm a pet person, because I love other people's pets. But I'm not good at taking care of my own pets. We've had cats, rabbits, a rat, fish and now a dog. Luckily my husband is a really good dog daddy, and my cat fends for itself.

42. Even knowing I'm not a good pet parent, I still want a lhaso apso or some other kind of lap dog to be my best friend. I also always think I'd like a bird.

43. And for my yard I want chickens and a goat. Scott says absolutely not to the goat, but I think there's wiggle room with the chickens.

44. I am not a vegetarian, even though ethically I think I really should be one. We did try becoming vegetarians once but only lasted a week. I don't really like vegetables.

45. To make up for not being a vegetarian, I buy only free range eggs. I used to only buy free range chicken too, but holy hell that's expensive.

46. Still, every time I pass a chicken truck on the road, I re-evaluate my stance on eating meat.

47. I am a passionate breastfeeding advocate. I used to be a breastfeeding peer supporter with the Breastfeeding Network, and my mummy friends and I started a series of weekly breastfeeding support groups throughout Inverclyde, Scotland.

48. We also started a nonprofit (not-for-profit is actually what it was called, since it was in the UK) called Inverclyde Breastfeeding Mums, and we did some pretty cool stuff.

49. I breastfed all three of my kids for two to two and a half years each.

50. I even tandem fed my daughters for a few months.

51. While a "stay-at-home-mum", I taught baby signing classes, worked as a childminder and ran a online shop called Into Bento, which sold bento boxes and lunch accessories. (The shop is closed, but I've kept the Lunch Is Boring blog online.)

52. I also had the privilege and pleasure of doing some travel writing for SearchScotland.org, now SlainteScotland.com.

53. I used to be the desktop publisher for a private high school in Glasgow. I designed, laid out, wrote for and edited the annual magazine and the monthly newsletters. I saw the job advertised in the paper, had no experience with Photoshop or InDesign whatsoever, but quickly taught myself the basics, interviewed for the job and got hired. It was the best "fake it 'til you make it" experience of my life. It got me on my communications career path.

54. I believe in "fake it 'til you make it", as long as you know you are capable of making it.

55. I am also a chronic sufferer of impostor syndrome, so what do I know?

56. I think I am a strong leader and a good manager. But I'm also a self-doubter and my own worst critic, so ask me again tomorrow and I might say the exact opposite.

57. I used to think of myself as solely right-brained, but as it turns out, I'm pretty left-brained too. I'm creative but analytical, scatterbrained but organized, emotional but rational. I'm either a unicorn or a hot mess.

58. I'm definitely an extrovert though.

59. I'm ENFJ to be precise (Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging). The F and J are very close to the T and P though (Thinking and Perceiving).

60. I love monkeys. I have a unrealistic dream of having a pet monkey one day, like an organ grinder kind of monkey.

61. My favorite colors are orange, green and purple.

62. I want an orange car.

63. I enjoy sorting and folding laundry. It calms me.

64. I hate sweeping but love vacuuming.

65. I never call it vacuuming; it's still "hoovering" in my mind. Just as gas is still petrol, diapers are still nappies, underwear is still pants, and Scotch is still whisky. Some British and/or Scottish words will never and should never die.

66. Because words like crabbit, dreich, numpty, mingin', boggin', steamin', glaikit and tumpshie just do not have proper English equivalents.

67. I love shoes.

68. I love makeup. I never wore it much until I turned 30. Then, as with the nail biting, I decided to become a grown-up and start wearing it.  I love wearing makeup now.

69. I love my hair. My hair has been every cut, style and color imaginable. It's always been pretty short until I moved back to Arkansas. I've been growing it out ever since, and I LOVE having long hair. It's also managed to stay the same color for a while now, which is weird and likely to change soon.

70. I was in Forensics in high school. Not the study of dead people but competitive speech and drama. My favorite events were poetry reading, improv, duet acting, solo acting and mime. I was actually pretty good at mime.

71. I did musical theater in high school as well but never got a lead role in a musical. I did play Truvy in Steel Magnolias though.

72. So then in Scotland I got involved with amateur dramatics and did theater there too. Again, no lead roles except for Shelby in Steel Magnolias. It was by far my favorite part I ever played.

73. But actually I did play a few other lead roles. In Scotland I performed in pantomimes, which are not the same thing as silent mime, and was the Principal Boy a couple of times. Panto is amazing, and I wish they did them here in the States.

74. In high school I entered two beauty pageants. I was not the beauty pageant type, but hello, scholarships! I got a measly $500 scholarship out of one of them for winning the "Be Yourself Award" or something stupid like that. In the interview, they asked me about my second place state championship award for mime and asked me to do a mime of how I felt getting ready that morning. I wanted to kill myself.

75. I had the best friends in high school. Many of us still keep in touch to this day, and many of us have the most awesome lives now. Class of 2000 was an epic class.

76. I also had some really awesome friends in Scotland. Even though we're an ocean apart, I still know I could call many of them, and they'd be there for me.

77. I now have some awesome friends thanks to the book club I joined. The Velociraptors in an Opium Den ladies are, well, awesome. And we actually read books in this book club.

78. I love to sing. I used to lead worship at church, but now that I don't have church, or musical theater for that matter, I just sing in the car really loud. And sometimes I karaoke.

79. My favorite alcoholic beverages are gin and whisky ("Scotch"). I like my gin with tonic or juice, and I drink my whisky neat.

80. I never win anything, except that one time I won the Glenmorangie grand prize of a weekend trip for eight to stay at the Glenmorangie House in Tain, Scotland. Scott and I, along with three other couples, spent a three-day weekend enjoying activities such as skeet shooting, yachting Loch Ness, strolling along the beach, touring the Glenmorangie distillery and drinking all the free whisky we wanted. Best prize ever.

81. Oh, and I also won a pager from a radio station in the '90s. I was so cool.

82. I used to go to raves in the '90s too. I started out a kandie kid, ended up a jungle lover. My raver name on the rave forums was xialuvsjungle.

83. I then got into indie and became a really unsuccessful hipster.

84. I used to be the door girl at two bars, JR's Lightbulb Club and the Dickson Theater.

85. Other career choices in my past include Little Caesar's and Pizza Hut in high school. I also worked in a law firm during the summers.

86. While at college I also worked in the university's development office. Somehow I managed to do school full time, work in the development office between and after classes, and be the door girl at night. I don't know if college students get more hours in their day than adults do? Or maybe the secret to success is living off $5 Eureka pizzas and Diet Dr Pepper.

87. It certainly wasn't beer, because I did not drink alcohol until I was 21. I got very sick on my 21st birthday.

88. My birthday is April Fools Day.

89. My best birthday party was my 30th. I had a "Music Mania" party complete with karaoke and a DJ and all things '80s and '90s. Everyone dressed up as a music sensation. I was very pregnant but pulled off a pretty sweet Gwen Stefani.

90. I do not think I'd ever like to be pregnant again.

91. I have changed a lot as a mum, but the things I still believe in are gentle parenting (no spanking), babywearing, infant cosleeping, breastfeeding and dinner together around the table. As my kids get older I'm entering a whole new world of parenting, which is terrifying, but I think I'm doing okay.

92. I am without a doubt screwing up my kids.

93. I love working for the Red Cross, as it matches my natural inclination for helping others. I also strongly support other causes, such as LGBT rights and women's rights. I actively support causes such as Lucie's Place, a home for LGBT young people, and Femme International, which provides among other things reusable feminine hygiene products for girls in Africa who would otherwise be unable to attend school for a week every month due to her periods.

94. I am a feminist.

95. For someone who has no problem posting intimate details of her life online and publishing a book about the most vulnerable time in her life, I am very guarded and trust very few people in my real everyday life. In other words, I make no sense.

96. I hate for anyone to see me cry and hate to be seen as weak or needy. I like to be self-sufficient and hate asking for help.

97. I used to collect kokeshi dolls.

98. The only sports I care an ounce for are soccer, tennis and baseball. The only sports team I care about is Glasgow Rangers, and even they are not really on my radar anymore.

99. I love politics. I am a registered Democrat though I'm more left wing than they are.

100. I love making lists.

P.S. My old 100 Thingses are still on the About Me page if you scroll down. They make me giggle, because some are still true and some are SO NOT.

High School Musical

Last night, I took my two little girls to see Disney's Beauty & the Beast performed at my old high school. Though the Spring musical was held in the exact same fine arts building I used to perform in as a high schooler, the auditorium has been completely renovated since fifteen years ago into a genuinely exquisite theater.

My daughters and I, along with Devon and Liz, my two best buds from high school, and Devon's daughter, drove into the same parking lot I used to park in and walked the same footsteps I used to walk everyday into the building I spent my teenage life in.

The foyer is nothing like it was years ago, when the dingy carpets were brown and the three long steps crossing the foyer taking you up to the auditorium doors were perfect for sitting on to do homework or having gossip sessions, and the "box office" was just a folding table decorated with a plastic tablecloth. Now, there are real box office booths with glass windows for ticketing, and the building's structure is entirely different. Inside the auditorium, there is still the same incredibly large black stage with possibly the same red curtains, but the seats are now separated with aisles and rather than a couple of speakers and a light/sound board in the back row shut off with plywood walls, the sound booth is now a fully equipped media room in the balcony.

Despite looking so different, I was taken back years ago (when the budget was obviously not so generous), to the countless hours I spent practicing on that stage, watching performances in those seats, hall talks in those corridors and even a tornado warning lined up against those walls with books over our heads acting as very dubious protection should the roof by blown off.

My children, of course, did not have the same flood of memories. They ran around excited through the aisles to the seats we pointed them towards. Confusion and indecision broke out about who was sitting with whom, and we exchanged seats a dozen times before the kids were happy with their seating arrangements.

Mrs Tarvin - I'm allowed to call her Ashley now, even though it still seems a bit weird - said a few words before the play began. Ashley had been one of my Forensics coaches in high school, and hearing her speak, I still couldn't quite grasp the concept that she's not still my teacher.

The student pit band started up.

New memories rushed over me.

A few years ago, in Scotland, I asked my daughter's dance teacher about the local amateur dramatics groups, and how one gets involved. Scott and I had gone to the Arts Guild to see RENT, and I only discovered they were a local drama group when I heard the woman behind me say her co-worker was in the show. I realized then how much I missed acting and decided to find out more. Fifi's dance teacher, Linda, told me about a group that was soon holding auditions for Footloose, and I gathered up some (okay, a lot of) courage and auditioned. Little had I realized until that point just how much I had missed being on stage, and, well, that was me hooked. About a year later, the Greenock Light Opera Club (GLOC) did Beauty & the Beast. I had an absolute blast dancing around as a gold fork in some scenes, and singing savagely as an angry villager in others.


As the opening music filled the CHS theater, emitting from the same pit our fellow classmates used to play in, I was transported not only back in time but in space. I was in high school, I was in Scotland and I was right there with my wonderful daughters and friends, all at once.

The curtains opened and there on the stage was the Prince, being approached by the old peasant woman. (Considering I was half in Scotland at this point, I guess it might be understandable that my first thought was, "He's awfully young to be playing the beast." A second later I realized, um, that's because I'm watching a high school musical.) Moments later, the stage was fully lit with a lovely village set and villagers in fantastic costumes in a stage freeze. Belle appeared on stage. I had wondered previously what the standard of this show would be, seeing as they were all high schoolers, but as soon as Belle opened her mouth, I wondered no more. Her voice was beautiful, sweet but powerful. From the very start, I believed she was Belle and was immediately transported to 18th century France. My memories of high school and GLOC vanished. Aside from the instinct to sing where I had once been expected to sing, and in the first soprano parts, I forgot about myself and really enjoyed the show.

All of the characters were fantastic. Maurice, Belle's father was gentle and appropriately dopey-bizarre. Gaston was incredible - great voice and commanding presence. Lumiere and Cogsworth had the audience in stitches with their often off-script jokes. Mrs Potts was sweet and motherly and very endearing. The beast was frightening at first (my five-year-old jumped into my lap when he came on stage) but genuinely grew kind and lovable by the end. The enchanted objects' costumes were dazzling. The sets were effective and realistically Disney. The singing by all the main characters was beyond what I expected for a high school production, and many of them were worthy of far greater. The choreography, especially in the Tavern song, where they all sing about Gaston, was energetic and entertaining.

My girls loved it. Keeping them in their seats was a feat and keeping Lolly quiet was impossible. Lolly even cried at the end when the Beast was stabbed by Gaston. (Was that spoiler?) The girls said to me afterwards, "Thank you SO MUCH, Mummy, for taking us here!"

After the show, the kids raced around foyer getting photos with all the characters and autographs for their playbills. They were so excited, we could barely keep them all together!


We then took the kids backstage - calling them VIP - but backstage was nothing like it was in our day. We opened the side door and found ourselves not in the short hallway separating the choir room from the two dressing rooms, but in a long school corridor with classrooms everywhere. A student, still in her actor's makeup but now wearing a Beauty & the Beast t-shirt, pointed us in the right direction. Soon, we found ourselves in that very choir room I knew so well, which still opened up into the wings of the stage.

More memories. This is where pre-show excitement electrified the air, where we were shhhhhhed a million times, where girls did the boys' make-up (especially the boys we liked), where twenty-second costume changes were somehow managed in ten. Many arguments broke out in that room, and so did many make-out sessions. It's a magical room.

We entered the wings and walked onto the stage. Devon joked that she could feel our stage ghosts, but silly as it sounds, I kind of felt we could. I saw myself fifteen years younger standing behind that red curtain, with the hush of the audience, the pit band playing, all of us making silent, exaggerated faces to warm up, noiselessly shaking out our hands and arms to build up the energy, and waiting for that breathless moment when the curtains would be pulled and the full bright lights would blind us and we would turn into fiction.

As I watched our kids run around the stage, making lots of noise, and trying to climb all over the set (which we put an instant stop to), I wondered what passions they will discover as they grow and what experiences they will remember years later. I wondered where each will end up, and if they will have high school memories worth returning back for.

I may find it extremely difficult being back in my home town again after so many years away, but one thing I can say without reservation is that I have a lot of great memories of this place that have been worth revisiting.

Hospitals, Singing Austrians and the Spiritual Upbringing of Little Children

So, what have we been up to this week, you ask? (No, really, you asked. Just... you asked, okay?)

Well, this week can be divided into three parts.

PART ONE: HOSPITALS

Well, for starters, we spent Monday through Wednesday in hospitals with Lolly. Hmm, how do I go into this story with the best impact?

Lolly severed her finger in a door and had to have it sewn back on.

Yeah, that sounds like a good way of starting.

Lolly got her finger shut in a door. I assumed at first it would just be a little sore, a little bruised... until I looked at it. People with weak stomachs, stop reading now. The end of her right ring finger was pretty much dangling off, with the bone protruding out the end and the finger and nail just sort of hanging there. Needless to say, there was a lot of blood too. And screaming.

Lolly chuffed with her special sticker and bandage

I rushed her to Accident & Emergency, where they took her right away. Without even looking at the hand wrapped in a blood-stained kitchen towel, they weighed her and administered painkillers. I sat with her in my lap, singing whatever soothing songs could come to my head ("Mairzy dotes and dozy dotes and liddle lamsey divey...") , for what felt like ages. I kept asking when they were going to DO SOMETHING, but they said they really needed to wait until the painkillers kicked in before anything else. They all seemed so calm, like this was normal. (I guess to an A&E, it is.) Finally, the doctor unwrapped her cloth, bandaged up her hand, and sent us for an x ray. The x ray, thank God, came back clear, no broken bone. They then cleaned her up, put on another bandage, and delivered the bomb.

She would need to go the children's hospital in Glasgow to get the finger surgically stitched back up. And she would have to go under general anaesthetic to do it. And she'd have to wait until the following morning (this was around 4-5pm on Monday evening).

So we took our little girl, now feeling quite pleased with all the attention she was getting, home for a nerve-wracking night.

Early Tuesday morning, Scott and I drove Lolly (with Jaguar in tow), up to Yorkhill Children's Hospital. Because she was getting a general anaesthetic, she had to fast. She was a good sport about not getting breakfast. They quickly got a bed for her, and she had fun playing in the play room for a while. But as the hours passed, and she still didn't have a theatre slot for surgery, she started to complain about being hungry. She didn't complain much; she was actually an incredibly good sport, but I felt for her.

At about 2pm, they got her ready to go into theatre. Scott took Jaguar home, since Scott had a doctor's appointment booked and there was nothing we could do at that point anyway, and I took Lolly to the theatre ward. I held her hand while they gave her the gas to put her to sleep (the "sleeping potion", we called it) and then played the waiting game outside for about an hour and a half.  At least I got some of my Harry Potter reading done.

Groggy but cheerful

When she came back up to the ward, her entire arm was in a bandage, and she was still asleep. I kissed her, stroked her hair and waited for another hour or so for her to wake. When she did, she quietly looked around the ward and said, "We're back...?"

Scott and Jaguar returned around that point. The nurses told us as long as she was able to eat and drink all right, she could go home after four hours. At this point, that made leaving time 8.30pm. She'd also been without food for nearly 23 hours. She had some juice and toast.

Then she threw it up. Three times.

So we got dropped another bomb; she'd have to stay in overnight.

Obviously, this was not what we expected. In fact, we expected to have been long gone by then. We thought she'd get her operation before noon, and be home in time to pick up Fifi from school. We had no change of clothes for her, nothing. Scott and I both had work the next morning. I couldn't stay over night because of Jaguar. So in the end, Scott got to be Super Dad and stay in the hospital over night with her, sleeping in a little fold out cot in a busy, sad, sick children's ward, and I went home in tears, missing and worrying about my baby, to collapse in bed with Jaguar.

Oh and Fifi. We'll get to her in a moment.

The next morning at about 8, the doctors said she was free to go home once the nurses finished the paperwork, so Scott called to say I should come up after the school run. Knowing how these things take ages, I took my time getting up to the hospital, and arrived after 10. The paperwork was done, but someone still needed to take the IV out of the back of her hand.

Two hours later, we finally got the IV out and headed home.

Lolly's operation went well. The bone, as I said, was unharmed, and luckily, the tendon was in tact. The only lasting issues may be some nerve damage and a slightly deformed fingernail. It could have been so much worse, and we are so thankful she is okay. We know we had lots of people praying for her, so thank you!

PART TWO: SINGING AUSTRIANS

Uncle Max kissing Gretl's hurt 'fingah'.

So meanwhile, as all this was going on, Fifi was having dress rehearsals for The Sound of Music, in which she is playing the part of Gretl von Trapp. She has been rehearsing since January for this, and last night (Wednesday) was Opening Night. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were all rehearsal nights, so Monday and Tuesday were a bit, oh, shall I say, hectic? Especially Tuesday. Luckily, I've got great friends who have helped us out so much this week (and great families for whom I childmind, who arranged alternate care on Tuesday so I could be at the hospital with Lolly). Sheila, Robyn, and Lee all helped out with childcare and getting Fifi and Jaguar to and fro as all this was going on. It's wonderful having friends who are there to help at the drop of a hat, and I am so thankful for all of them (including all of the friends who offered their help, like Catriona, Laura, and the list goes on and on). And oh, I'd be incredibly remiss not to mention family; Scott's mum and dad went so out of their way this week to make everything work out smoothly - thank you so much to you too!

Okay, anyway, back to Fifi's debut.

Little Actress

Last night was Opening Night. I dropped her off at the theatre at 6.30pm, and took my seat in the house at 7. A huge group of staff from her school were there last night, including her two teachers, Mrs MacLeod and Mrs Bannerman, and the Head Teacher, Mrs Ruddy. Also there were friends from the Parish Players, Pauline, Malcolm, Natalie and Arthur. Fifi had a good turn out of 'fans' (as she referred to them) last night.

And folks, let me just tell you, she was superb.

Okay, yeah, she's my daughter, so I might be a little biased, but seriously, she was so good! And the rest of the cast were amazing too. All the von Trapp kids were excellent, Maria was excellent, and the Captain was excellent. The nuns were excellent. Uncle Max was excellent. The Mother Abbess was excellent.  It was just fab all around. More than once, I had to wipe away a little tear!

She still has two more performances, tomorrow night and Saturday afternoon. There are two casts of children, and the other children are on tonight and Saturday night. I really want to see them, too, as they are all really amazing also. I just can't believe the amount of talent these kids all have!

But, as if hospital trips and musical performances weren't enough happening this week...

PART THREE: THE SPIRITUAL UPBRINGING OF LITTLE CHILDREN

Barefoot in the sunshine

This Sunday is Jaguar's Dedication at church. It's similar to a Christening, without the Baptism. (Scott doesn't agree with infant baptism.) It's basically just a committment to raise our children in the Christian faith, kind of how Hannah dedicated Samuel to God's work, without the leaving him to live in a temple thing.

With our moving date growing closer, and Fifi's musical, and then Lolly's accident on top of all that, I've hardly had a moment to even think about Jaguar's dedication. It's not going to be a big, elaborate ceremony or anything, but I feel badly for not having at least planned something special for it. I have ordered a big cake, which is at least something. And he's got a kilt to wear, which he better not poo all over right before church, so at least the photos will be cute. But that's about the extent of the planning for that.

Incidentally, anyone who wants to come along to the church on Sunday to see him get dedicated, you are welcome! (That is, assuming I know you in real life and you aren't some weird, creepy internet stalker.) I'll give you details if you ask. (Don't want to leave the details here for all the weird, creepy internet stalkers I apparently think I have.)

By Sunday afternoon, ya'll, I might just collapse. Until Monday when the work week starts all back up again.

And that's what I've been up to this week.  Phew!

Celebrating the Effort

In this house, we celebrate big events with cake. We celebrate everything with cake. We like cake. (Sometimes we celebrate with takeaways too.)

Tonight, we celebrated with cake, but not quite for the reason people might expect.

I've known for a couple of years now that this year Sideline Productions in Greenock would be putting on a production of The Sound of Music. I have looked forward to it for years, wanting just to be a nun and get to sing songs in soprano. I also looked forward to it, because I knew Fifi would be old enough by the time it went ahead to audition for the youngest von Trapp child, Gretl.

The Spring timing, however, wasn't exactly what I expected, and having just had a baby, I decided it was too soon for me to be hitting the stage again as full force as such a show would be. Still, I mentioned the subject to Fifi, asking her if it was something she'd be interested in. Her immediate response was a gasping 'YES YES YES'.

'You have to understand though, sweetheart, that just because you audition doesn't mean you will get a part. It may go to someone who did a bit better or who looks the part more. You may not get it.' I warned her.

Solemnly she replied, 'I still want to try.'

******

Parenthood is a constant tug-of-war between protecting and enabling in all kinds of different ways. In protecting our kids, we are ensuring that they don't get hurt, but we are limiting their life experiences. Yet with enabling, we are opening them up to very possible disappointment or even danger, depending on the circumstance. It's always hard to know which way to lean, and we often have to make judgment calls based on subtle gut feelings. Scott and I decided to let her go for it, and I braced my stomach for helping her bear the disappointment should the outcome be unsuccessful.

Fifi practiced and practiced and practiced. I heard 'Doe a Deer' for weeks on end, at first wildly out of key (and me fearing for her tiny self-esteem at each over-modulated note), but slowly, proudly, she found her voice, took instruction from her musician dad and singer mum, and grew aware of her 'keys'. She had trouble with the exact words at first - singing 'Tea - a drink of dealan-de!' which means 'butterfly' in Gaelic! - but she persisted until she got the words right too. We were so proud of her dedication.

Still, I knew the audition would bring tough competition, especially when I heard there were about 70 kids signed up! I myself have been through many an audition, and I know the nerves, the waiting, and the disappointment or excitement that follows. I still worried about inflicting this on my young child. Was I being a Stage Mom? Had I pushed her into this?

I asked her again: 'Are you sure you want to do this? You may not get the part.' Eyes rolled in her head like a fifteen year old instead of a five year old, she replied, 'I know. I still want to try!'

So I let her audition. That morning she woke up, crawled into bed with me, and through almost-tears confessed, 'I'm nervous.'

'Baby, even mummy gets nervous. In fact, even famous people get nervous! You know all the famous people on TV? Even they get nervous. But here's the secret - the people who get the parts are the people who follow only two rules. One, smile! And two, have fun. I promise you, if you don't do those two things, you won't get the part. But if you do, you'll be one of the ones they notice.'

Fifi auditioned. I wasn't able to be in the room with her, so I didn't know how she performed, but when she came back out of the room, I hugged her anyway and told her I was so, so proud of her.

'Why? Did I get a part?'

I smiled, hugged her again, and said, 'I don't know, sweetie, but that's not what I'm proud of. I'm proud of how brave you were. And we are going to celebrate.'

'What if I don't get the part?'

'We are celebrating either way. We are celebrating your effort.'

******

Fifi could hardly get to sleep last night. I told her we wouldn't know anything until way after bedtime and probably not even until late the next day. Still, even I felt the nerves taking hold as I waited for that nerve-wracking email. I had braced myself for bad news. Of so many children, her chance was slight. I prepared how I would break the news to her, and was ready to take the emotions, however they manifested.

I was feeling so torn; life lessons, maybe they don't need to be learned until kids are older. Maybe schools taking out winners and losers is the right thing after all. Maybe kids are too young to be put through disappointment. Months of work and feeling went into Fifi's little five-almost-six-year-old self-esteem, and I was allowing the danger of disappointment in. Had we done the right job, should we have protected her instead of enabled her?

But the story isn't about me and my decision as a parent. The real heroine of this story is Fifi, who knew the chances and wanted to try anyway. We may have drilled into her more the probability of her not getting a part than the possibility that she might. Still, she wanted to try, and what a brave little heroine she turned out to be!

******

She woke up this morning, ran to my room and asked if I'd heard. I said I didn't think we'd know anything yet, but we checked my email together anyway.

There was an email.

I opened it, practically trembling myself, and resisted the urge to quickly scroll down to the important part. I read the email out loud to her, and together we learned that...

'Your child has been cast in one of the following roles.'

Fifi and I squealed! Daddy woke up, guessed right away, and took her into a bear hug. Lolly heard the noise, ran to the room, and jumped on her big sister with the kind of pride and selfless enthusiasm only best friends can understand.

Lolly suggested we celebrate with cake. Wise child, very wise. This evening, Lolly and I made the cake that we would have made anyway, part or no part, because we were celebrating the effort, not the outcome. Obviously the outcome made the celebration that much more exciting, and as mum and dad and sister, we are all bursting at the seams with happiness and pride for her. But most of all, we were celebrating the confidence of a little girl prepared to try and even fail for something she was passionate about. How many adults can say the same for themselves?

So we ate cake. We broke our New Year's Diet Resolutions for a slice of pink (of course pink) cake with sprinkles (gotta have sprinkles) and a big sparkly candle.

Fifi, remember always the little song we sang in the car, you, me and Lolly, that nervous morning: "I'm a superstar and I'm coming out tonight!" You really, really are.

The Elves Have Come! - Day 1

The girls got out of their bath this morning to discover that the Elves had come and put their Christmas letters in their Advent Calendar!

Today's activity - Go to the Panto and kick off December with Puss In Boots. And that's where we are headed now! Last day of the panto, and I must say, I'm looking forward to having some time off again!

Happy December!

Thankful for Thanksgiving

This year was almost the first year I didn't make a Thanksgiving dinner. With panto starting next week and Lolly's birthday party the week after, I just didn't have the time, money or energy to make a big meal and organise the family to come over. So I had sort of given up on the idea of Thanksgiving this year.

It wasn't until Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, while I was getting my groceries, that I decided, no. I will not lose my Thanksgiving tradition. We will have cheap meals the other nights, and I'm buying what I need to make this meal on Saturday, the only day I had free. So I did.

But then with all the other things I had in mind that need to get done for Christmas, I texted my friend Sarah and asked her if she and her family wanted to come over Saturday to take each other's family portraits for Christmas. After we arranged it, I remembered I was supposed to be doing Thanksgiving on the same day, so I invited them to just come over at lunch time and have Thanksgiving with us. So they did.

It was a really lovely day. I woke up at 7.30 (which is still a lie in for me, as the kids were up at 6) and made the pumpkin pie with the children. Then we made the stuffing. I ran out and did some errands, came back with a cooked rotisserie chicken (blasphemy, I know, on so many levels) and made the sweet potato souffle, deviled eggs and the spicy baked beans. Sarah, Ian and their kids arrived at 1, by which point I still had my glasses on, hair pulled back the same way I'd done it upon waking, jeans and a tshirt and no make-up. Oh well!

We all ate our fill, and then some. It was great catching up, the kids played well together, and then we took our family photos. I ducked out momentarily to brush my hair, straighten my fringe and put on some eyeshadow, and that was about all I had time for. No matter, the photos turned out pretty well, even if upon looking at them later I realised it was a bad move to stuff ourselves silly and then take photos; what a gut I was sporting!

I am thankful that I had my Thanksgiving dinner after all. It made me happy and less homesick. Now I'm looking forward to trying to squeeze in a few more photos in the morning of the kids in their proper Christmas outfits, a Christmas tree decorating, and a visit to a new church all before panto dress rehearsal at 2pm.

FTR: This next week is going to be manic, and there will likely be more than just a few super-fast mobile phone posts, as I'll be running ragged! I'm certainly not looking forward to that part of panto week!

Nights Out

I'm out tonight for the last GLOC show in the Arts Guild. Afraid I won't be home before midnight, I'm blogging from my phone.

I am thankful for nights out with friends, a baby who lets me get out and a husband who encourages me to go out.  I am thankful for having gotten the chance to get into the local amateur dramatics and being on stage and for meeting such fun people.

**EDITED TO EXPOUND**
Now that I'm home (and with ten minutes to midnight), I'll add a bit more.

I did theatre and acting in high school. It was my life. It was all I cared about, but I went away to University and firmly put all that behind me (sour grapes and stuff). I never expected to do that kind of thing ever again. But I still enjoyed going to the theatre and seeing shows.

When I saw a sign in town advertising RENT in the Arts Guild, I was mega-excited and dragged Scott along to see it with me. I didn't know anything about there being local groups, and just assumed it was a touring company. That is, until I was there, and someone behind me said they were there to see a friend from work perform. That's when I discovered these were local people, and there must be some sort of amateur dramatics community.

Fifi was doing Highland dancing and ballet at Jackson Dance Academy, and having seen advertisements in her studio for shows in the Arts Guild, I asked Linda (the dance teacher) if she knew anything. She gave me a few numbers, told me about a few auditions coming up, and I inquired. Next thing I knew, I was auditioning for Footloose, a nervous wreck!

From then on, I've been hooked. I've done several shows locally now, and have had the best time of my life, rediscovering a passion I forgot I had. Just now I'm two weeks away from opening night of Puss In Boots, a pantomime, and also two weeks away from auditioning for Sound of Music. I'm so thankful to have this outlet, to be able to sing, dance and act on stage again, and for all the wonderful friends I've made doing it.

I love you guys! (And for Lee, who will be reading this, YER MAW!)

(And publish now, three minutes to twelve. Still made NaBloPoMo!)