New Ink: Into the Looking Glass

A few weeks ago, my main squeeze and I went on a date, where we ate bison burgers and sweet potato fries dipped in marshmallow sauce, and got ourselves inked.

This was Scott's first tattoo, and it was a big deal. He got this:


(We've been kind of amazed at how few people have been able to figure out what it is.)

Me, this was my fourth tat, so not quite such a big deal.

As a reminder, I have a tattoo trio already of faith, hope, and love, all in Arabic calligraphy. And yes, I know enough Arabic to know that they all say exactly what I think they say. I may not remember much from my year of studying Arabic, but I still know enough. Enough to read something to you but not have a clue what it says.

I considered going a totally new direction for this fourth tattoo, leaving behind the Arabic calligraphy theme. I also considered seamlessly continuing with the Arabic calligraphy theme by getting the word peace in Arabic. But I kept turning around this other idea in my mind... a slightly cheesy, somewhat embarrassing idea, but one that really meant something to me.

Illusion.

It's a beautiful design. (I'm sorry I can't give credit to the person who designed it though, because she seems to have removed it from the web. I'm glad I downloaded it before she took it down. I wonder, does tattooing yourself compromise intellectual property rights?) This is also Arabic calligraphy. The idea of getting illusion tattooed on my skin did seem cheesy and possibly misleading, but at the last minute, it's the one I chose to go with.


I love it. However, the inevitable question has since popped up repeatedly: "What does it mean?"

An old friend once cautioned me never to get a tattoo that didn't mean anything, because you'd spend the rest of your life shrugging when asked that inevitable question. Those three squares on his arm mean nothing.

The word in Arabic, وهم (pronounced "wa-HEM-a") specifically means "illusion" but can be loosely translated in other ways. I've been finding it easier to loosely translate it as "imagination" for the average person on the street, rather than explain what "illusion" means to me.

But I'll explain it here.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a fat girl. There, I said it.

The word "fat" is supposedly banned in our house. It's our family's f-word (and is way worse than the other one). I am so very against body shaming, so supportive of positive body image and loving your body... for everyone else but myself. I still look at myself and see a mess. Even though I'm now at a healthy weight and have a pretty healthy lifestyle (let's not discuss the Easter chocolate though, please), I still have very poor body image. It probably wouldn't matter if I lost yet another 30 lbs, I'd probably still see someone twice my actual size in my reflection.

I have to tell myself consciously, explicitly, daily, that this is an illusion.

What I see in the mirror is illusory. It's something my brain invents to tempt me to do all sorts of stupid things. I have to constantly tell my brain, You're wrong. I'm beautiful. I'm healthy. I love my body.

This tattoo now stares back at me in the mirror too. It tells me the same thing. I am healthy. I exercise regularly. I *generally* eat well. I am beautiful. Anything I believe about myself otherwise is an illusion.

It is الوهم.

But if I pass you on the street, and you ask me what it means, I'll probably just say "imagination". Because that's easier to admit.

Who Says Boys Can't Wear Nail Polish?

Today, I'm wearing The Dress very simply. It's just The Dress with a fuchsia knit scarf and brown flats. That's it. The Dress is so easy and classy as it is, that I wanted to show off just how sweet it is on its own. It's got a ruched waist on one side, and scoop neck in the front and back. I just love it. I also love that it shows off my tattoo in the back.

I went to Zumba this morning, so I only put this on an hour ago after my shower. Hence the wet hair. It being October, and Halloween time and everything, I wore a "costume" to the gym - my Harry Potter Gryffindor t-shirt with cape. Let me just tell you - wearing a cape to Zumba is awesome. When I got right in front of the fans, my cape flew and flapped behind me like a real superhero. I'm doing this more often... maybe even after Halloween is over!

But now, I'm all dressed up and have nowhere to go. I hope Jaguar appreciates my putting on make-up for just him. Although Lolly does have soccer tonight - if it's not cancelled from the rain - so I guess that's *somewhere* to go. Regardless, this month may very well be all about dressing for ME and not for anyone else, because I'm basically never going to be seen. But I do feel nicer about myself being dressed and clean and made-up, even if it's just for my own reflection in the mirror. And for Scott when he gets home, too, I suppose. He's the only other person besides Jaguar and the girls who see me regularly outside the gym, and I *suppose* looking good for him is a nice concept (though I'll be damned if I ever admit to wearing make-up just to please a man!)


Okay so speaking of Jaguar...

We painted our toenails together yesterday!


And now cue the horrified gasps. I painted a BOY's toenails!!

While I was up at the kitchen table filing and painting my nails, Jaguar crawled up in the seat next to me and stuck his feet at me. "Me!" he demanded. I was using clear base coat at that point, so I painted one toe clear. He jumped down and went to play some more. I then pulled out some colors for myself. He ran back to the table, crawled back up into the chair and stuck his feet at me. "Me!" he cried. So, of course, I acquiesced. Who could say no to that wee face?

And besides, who says nail polish is only for girls?

Well, as it turns out, a lot of people say that... Luckily I'm pretty sure no one in my little world would, not if they actually thought about it. But a lot of people would be horrified. Especially if he were an older boy.

Well, I'm just going to call BS on that. Why is painting nails, or wearing pink, or liking princesses, always considered girl-only territory? For about five months, Jaguar was obsessed with Frozen. It's the only thing he wanted to watch on TV - "Mo! Dee dee mo!" (Translation: "Snow! Deep deep snow!" from the line "Arendelle's in deep, deep, deep, deep snoooooow...") I bought him a Frozen poster for his bedroom. I even bought him a Frozen t-shirt from the girls' section in Walmart, since they don't make Frozen tees for boys. What's the big deal?

Lolly has just outgrown a blue and gray striped t-shirt with a huge pink sparkly dinosaur with a mustache printed on the front. Jaguar loves dinosaurs, so it's now a part of his wardrobe. Who cares if its pink and sparkly? It's a dinosaur, and if Jaguar could choose to be anything other than human, he'd be a dinosaur.

And if my boy sees his mummy painting her nails and wants his painted too, why would I say no? Would Scott say no to Fifi or Lolly if they wanted to help him build something with hammer and nails? Would I say no if I was doing a "gender neutral" accessorizing task, like trying on hats? Of course not. He wanted to have fun, and nail polish isn't just for girls.

Lolly in her Superman cape.

I've seen high school boys with painted nails. I've seen male celebrities with painted nails (Johnny Depp rocks the blue and black nail polish). I've seen perfectly-secure-with-their-sexuality dads kicking about with pink toes they did with their daughters. Boys wearing nail polish is just as acceptable as girls wearing superhero capes.

(And no, it won't "make him gay". If he's gay, he's already gonna be gay. If he's not, he won't.)

I can already see gender stereotypes drifting away. I can foresee a future where my kids, no matter what they do or wear will be accepted as acceptable. I see more and more people being cool with girls who like "boy" things and boys who like "girl" things. As long as we parents foster an acceptance - and make it very plain to our kids that there's no such thing as "boy or girl" things - our kids will grow up much kinder and much more accepting of everyone else. It's natural already to kids to accept others as they are; anything goes with them. As long as we adults don't perpetuate and enforce the stereotypes on them, our kids will grow up a lot less likely to bully each other for their individuality.

New Tattoos: Aheb = Love!

Last night I had a fun girlie night with my BFF Devon. Devon's one of those friends from high school that all through college and my years in Scotland, even though we didn't keep in touch directly, we could always pick right back up where we left off each time we got back together as if no time had passed at all.

We started out meeting at the gym where we went to a PiYo (Pilates/Yoga) class. I know that maybe doesn't sound like a typical 'girlie night out' thing to do, but we both like to work out, so it was fun! We followed that by a trip to Coco's, a Mexican restaurant and one of the only places in this county where you can get alcohol with your meal. I got a delicious strawberry margarita with my beef burrito.

And then...

We went and got my tattoo. :D

This apparently was Devon's first time in a tattoo parlour, let alone first time to see someone get a tattoo. When we arrived, she recognized the tattooist as a guy we went to high school with. Even upon arrival I hadn't totally decided which tattoo I was going to get, or where. I was wavering between:

this  or this.  
And I couldn't decide if I wanted it on my upper forearm, middle forearm or wrist. Then Devon came up with a different idea altogether.


I'd never considered my neck before, because I already have one on my back and thought it might look too stacked. But the size difference and the space between actually didn't bother me... I really liked it! I also decided on the second tattoo, because it was the one I've been planning on for years, and it's by the same artist as my other two tattoos and according to Devon, it looked more Arabic than the other (even though both are Arabic calligraphy designs for the same word, "love" or الحب).  The other one would've been fun, because it's the same one my dear friend Carol in Abu Dhabi has on her foot (that we were going to go get done together but never worked out), but I'm glad I chose the one I did.

Excited! In gym clothes!

Nervous! In a tattoo chair!

Deep breathing!

It didn't hurt nearly as bad as I remembered my other two hurting.
Possibly my pain threshold increased after childbirth?

Fresh tattoo. And frizzy workout  hair.

I love it! Or I could say 'ana uheb dhlekah' - I love it!

أنا أحب ذلك

(I also want to go back to University and study Arabic again. Can I, Scott, please please please?)

It was a fun girlie night. And now that I have my little series complete, I'm free to get anything I want tattooed next.  Yes, I'm afraid the three-tattoo rule is true; after your third, you just can't stop! Got two more in mind already, possibly three.  Just don't know where on my body they should go.

Tattoos!!

Tattoo Trio, aka Happy Birthday To Me

Away back in November, I asked my readers for blog topics, which believe it or not, I'm still working my way through. Joy gave me the topic "tattoos", and today is the day, because it's my 32nd birthday, and while 32 is an unexciting age, I'm going to commemorate my first birthday back in the States with a new tattoo.

I got my first tat when I was 20 and in college. At the time, I was taking Arabic classes, and though I never felt like I was really getting it, I loved it and was doing pretty well with it. The script is beautiful, and I spent a lot of time practicing my handwriting. I knew that if I were ever to get a tattoo, it had to be something that meant something to me and would always mean something to me. After a lot of deliberation, I chose the word "faith", for the reason that I may not always have love or hope, but I'd always have my faith.

There was an Arabic calligraphist on the U of A staff. I asked him to create a calligraphy design for me for the word iman. He gave me a nice design, but it was a classic calligraphy design, not quite what I had in mind, and it wasn't very tattoo-able. I then discovered a contemporary calligraphist online, Nihad Dukhan, and contacted him. For a pretty little sum I now can't remember (well over $100), he designed me a beautiful iman, which I loved enough to have tattooed on my right foot.

(Why did I not just get the word as it is in Arabic if I loved the script so much? It felt too plain and a little too trendy. It is beautiful when written out... إيمان ... read it from right to left... but I wanted something more artistic.)

A few years later, I was living in Scotland and was ready for a second tattoo. I already had faith, so the idea struck me to go with a trio - "faith, hope and love" - the "greatest of the spiritual gifts". On Nihad Dukhan's website, there was already a design for hope, so rather than have him design a special one for me, I just used that image. I loved it anyway. I had it placed on the middle of my upper back, between my shoulder blades. Hope in Arabic, by the way, is pronounced amal and looks like this: أمل

By the way, did I mention that both my foot and my spine are incredibly bony places for tattoos, and I don't like pain? Yeah, the actual act of getting inked is not my favourite part.

For many years, I've been itching to get that last tattoo - love - but it's never worked out. I've never been really sure where I'd like to have it. My left tricep has always been my go-to place, but for various reasons, I've never quite committed to it. I've also considered my right wrist and my right side under the ribs. I even briefly considered my right foot but just didn't want my tattoos to be that symmetrical.

So here I am years later... eight years, possibly. Sadly, my original trio just isn't what it once was. Incredulously, I did lose my faith, something I thought could never happen. In a way, it seems odd that I want to finish the trio - maybe that's the Type A side of my personality? But also, it still seems fitting. While my faith is not what it was, nor is my hope, love still abounds. (Cheesy.) Love still conquers all. (Just going with the cheesy.) I have faith and hope already tattooed on me, there's no going back, and I'd never want to go back. Both of those things are huge parts of my life, and they made me who I am today. I don't regret either tattoo; I still love them dearly. Now, however, is the perfect time for getting love, or al-hib, or الحب 

The three greatest gifts are faith, hope and love. Love is meant here in the brotherly sense, the universal sense, the love for one's neighbor and all mankind. It is also the greatest of all the three gifts. Nothing as of yet has broken or destroyed my love for other people.

(That's not to say I'm great at it all the time.)

One other thing I love about the trio, is that they all represent the different segments, or if it were a book, volumes, of my life.  The first tattoo was from My Life Part 1 - Raised in Arkansas.  The second tattoo was from Part 2 - The Scottish Years.  This third one will be Part 3 - Return of the McFarlanes.  (If I make another major move again, I guess I'll just need to get a fourth one... I do have my eye on "peace"!)

So on my 32nd birthday I once again return to Mr Dukhan's site for my tattoo. I love this design as much as the others... and again, I'm happy I don't have to pay for a custom drawing! I just need to decide where... my wrist or my tricep.  I hope to get it done this month.  I'm pretty excited!!

I'm sorry I've kept you all waiting so long. My tattoo pictures are up.

I do believe this campus is void of fruit juices. What happened to all the juice machines I used to see? Are they all in the dorms? Do I have to go all the way to Kimpel for a freaking juice? ("This is jr. high, you don't drink apple juice. You drink orange juice.") Whatever.

This weekend was mighty eventful. Friday I went shopping (I feel pretty guilty about it actually) and got some pretty work clothes. Then I went to Jessica/Emily/Kim/Laura's house for the show which was a lot of fun. That night we went to a hotel party where someone drank all my beer before I even got there. (I forgot that people suck and don't care who's beer they steal. Jerks.) The next morning I went to breakfast with some folks at Petra and it was yummy and THEN... I got my tattoo. :) It hurt. I'll be posting pictures pretty soon. That night was the KXUA Cook out at JRs. It was fun. But i was tired and my foot hurt from standing so much so I went home kinda early.

Eh... not much else to say. I want some juice. Guess I'll have to wait til lunch when I go home.

I am tattooed.
The End.

The Gossip Column

(I'm going to start titling my entries. How fun!)

Two things about gossip to keep in mind:
1. It never pays.
2. It sometimes pays.

Ok, so I was going to tell you the story but I don't really want to be a real gossip column so I'll say this: It only paid once and that was when I told a friend to "watch out" for a certain guy, totally out of the blue, because he isn't very nice to girls and as it turns out, she was dating him. I didn't know that until I left that night, but when I told her she seemed kinda sad and said thanks for warning her..... so I don't know, gossip's really no good, but geez I hope this girl took my unintended good advice. She's a super sweet girl and this guy... wouldn't appreciate that about her.

Sooo, that's the end of that.

And for more important news....

I am getting my tattoo on Saturday. Yesterday at Arsaga's I was discussing my tattoo with David and I got really excited and said "Let's go. Now." So we got up, and went down to Beeline to get it priced. The girl looked at the design and said "That'll be a hundred bucks." Excuse me? For this little old thing? We thanked her and left. David was going to get his tattoo touched up (he got it done there and they messed up, so he gets a free touch up) but they said he'd have to come back on a Tuesday (it was a Tuesday.) Whatever. I was disapointed but we decided that this Saturday we'd drive down to Rogers and get them done at Triple A. Apparently they do really good work for not too expensive. Granted, I need to be saving money for my trip right now but, hey, it's a tattoo. No, it's not "a" tattoo, its my FIRST (maybe only) tattoo. I'm very excited. Gangster and Roger are getting Sharkie tattoos and asked if I wanted to get one with them... eh.. i don't think so. Maybe if i got a design for the word "Sharkie" in Arabic calligraphy... haha. gosh, i wish i knew how to paste pictures on here- i could show you what sharkie in arabic would look like. But as Taylor pointed out, my drawings are way too big and I don't know how to size them down. (I know what you're thinking- this girl acts like a computer nerd, then doesn't even know that. Ok, so I'm a wannabe computer nerd. I don't care what you think.)

And...
that's it.

Want to view my design for my possible tattoo? Too bad. I can't scan it in. But what I did do for you is draw a terrible sketch of it on paintbrush and have posted that on the web. Use your imagination- picture it much smoother, slenderer, gracefuller.... and thats what the tattoo looks like.