Hosting Book Club

This post will never go viral. It will never get 2,025 page views like my Frobscottle recipe (which I didn't even invent). No one cares this much about this book and there has probably ever only been like one party in the past based on it and there will probably be only ever one or two more in the future. But regardless, I'm posting my Book Club themed cocktail, snacks and decorations from our last book, The Chrysalids by John Wyndham for, you know, those one or two future parties looking for ideas.

In this case, it's très important NOT to judge a book by its cover.

It was my first time to host, and while I will never be able to host as magnificently as Kate hosts, I wanted to do something a little more special than just mopping my kitchen floors and wiping down toilets. (You're welcome.) Then I found this inspiring cross-stitch on Etsy and an idea was born.


Which I did not buy. But I did decide it looked easy enough for me to attempt, so I did.

Minus the strand of DNA... #cuttingcorners

In the book, our protagonist, David Strorm, lives in a house decorated adorned with signs everywhere of verses from Nicholson's Repentances, the book the Labrador people used alongside the Bible as Scripture. Verses such as the one above - WATCH THOU FOR THE MUTANT - warned people that all deviations, no matter how small, were still blasphemies against God and were not human. An extra toe or unusual body hair is all it took to prove you were a child of the Devil and nonhuman and were to be thrust out of society and rendered infertile so as not to procreate. If you were a baby, you'd be left near the Fringes and left to your own devices. Maybe a Fringes person would rescue you; maybe not.

It's a really uplifting book.

So the only real way to decorate was with these signs. (I did toy with the idea of sewing brown crosses on fronts of every woman's shirt as she walked through the door, but the logistics....) I printed off eight different signs and framed them with Dollar Tree frames, and hung them around the house, along with my cross-stitching and all my chalkboards with verses scrawled on them.




We also sort of had a theme for foods - foods that were a little "deviant" or a something not quite right. Like Elizabeth's maple bacon cookies....

I wanted to try this blue Muddy Buddies recipe that I found on Pinterest, because blue food just isn't right. I think I can go so far as to say, however, it was a definite Pinterest fail. Or perhaps the whole thing is just a massive Photoshop pantone conspiracy, because there was no way this could have turned out as blue as the recipe made it look. I was going to call this "Deep Blue Sea-landers" after the Sealand people, but since it didn't turn out very deep blue, I just didn't name it at all.

Pinterest

Reality

It tasted good though.

Yet my crowning personal achievement of the evening, in my own ever-so-humble opinion, was my very own cocktail created just for the party called The Badlands (somewhat based on this lemon licorice cocktail recipe). And this is the part that will never go viral because no one will ever care about an obscure cocktail inspired by a random reference in a semi-known science fiction novel from the 1950s.

The cocktail was super tasty though, and I'm pretty sure everyone enjoyed them, along with all the other delicious foods and drinks the ladies brought over (jello shots, anyone?), and we also enjoyed a good chinwag about the book itself. Ya'll, this a book club that actually talks about the books. I love it.

So here's how to concoct The Badlands. You could make it for any occasion in which a black drink would be appropriate. (Halloween? Funeral?)


There are three parts to this recipe. Two of which need to be made in advance.

The Badlands

A Black Gin Cocktail

Prep Time - 3-4 hours

Ingredients

Blackberry Ice Cubes

6 oz fresh blackberries

1/2 cup of sugar and 1 cup of water OR

1 cup blackberry juice

black food coloring (optional)

Basil-Lime Syrup

2 limes

2 cups sugar

2 cups water

1 basil leaf

Cocktail

4 oz gin (I recommend Bombay Sapphire but any will do)

2 oz of Basil-Lime Syrup

2 tsp fresh lime juice

2 Blackberry Ice Cubes

Tonic water

Start with the Blackberry Ice Cubes, since obviously these need the longest prep time to freeze. Puree blackberries and sugar/water or blackberry juice in a blender. If you are trying to make it more black than reddish-purple, include black food coloring. After blending, strain out seeds with a strainer. (This took a lot longer than I expected, because there were a LOT of seeds. It's an important step though, because you don't want seeds to ruin your drinking experience.) Spoon strained blackberry juice into ice cube trays and freeze.

(You could avoid this step by using just plain blackberry juice frozen into cubes, and I'm sure it would still be very tasty.)

Next, make your Basil-Lime Syrup. Peel or zest just the green off the skin of the limes, leaving the bitter white pith underneath. (If you don't have a zester, I highly recommend getting one - they make such a difference to so many recipes! And hey, you can even buy one from me!) Set limes aside. Combine zest or peels with sugar, water and basil leaf in a small saucepan and heat until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat, and once cool, strain the syrup. In a separate bowl or cup, juice your two limes. Chill both the syrup and the lime juice separately in refrigerator for later.

Once ice cubes are frozen, you can make your cocktail!

In cocktail shaker, gently shake gin, syrup, lime juice and 2 berry cubes. Pour into two glasses, giving each glass one of the half-melted cubes left in the cocktail shaker and complete drink with a splash of tonic water. (Tonic water will supposedly glow under a black light because of the quinine, but with all the berry juice in this drink, I'm not sure if this drink will glow or not. But legend does say that sometimes the black coasts of the Badlands glowed dimly in the dark....) Drink and enjoy, while thinking of all the poor Old People who were destroyed in the Tribulation, leaving nothing but large continents of wildly mutated vegetation surrounded by black, glassy, radioactive coasts in their place. Ahh, sucks to be them.

Next month, we're reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.  HeLa Cells on the rocks, anyone?

Have Your Pizza And Eat It Too!

My new favorite keto dinner (or lunch!) - Low Carb Tortilla Pizza!

I've seen lots of pizza base substitutes like Almond Bun Pizza, the Cauliflower Pizza Crust or the Meatza, but none of them were really what I wanted. And I love pizza so foregoing pizza is THE hardest part of keto for me - even harder than saying no to cake!! (However, I'm also keen to find a keto cake, if such a thing could possibly exist.)

I've been buying these Mission Carb Balance tortillas for our Taco Nights (used to be Taco Tuesdays but I work now on Tuesdays, so it's just Taco Whenevers, sigh). Scott and I don't mind using lettuce to wrap our taco-y goodness up, but sometimes you just want a freaking tortilla. And at 6 net grams a piece, I think that's not bad for dinner!!

So then the idea came to me, not sure if I saw it online or just envisioned it as I dreamed of pizza, to use these low carb tortillas as pizza bases, and ya'll, the rest is history. This has been my lunch or dinner three times this week. I am so happy.

They are so easy and pretty low carb, as long as you plan for it. I try to stay under 20-25g a day, so this usually fits in no bother, as long as my other meals are pretty close to carb-free.  The pizza sauce I've been using is just the Kroger brand pizza parlour style pizza sauce - 4g per 1/4 cup.  If you use the small flour Mission Carb Balance, the pizza doesn't even need a full quarter cup; if you use the large wheat ones, however, you probably will. So assuming you use a large wheat low carb tortilla and a quarter cup of sauce, you should be able eat an entire "thin crust" pizza for 10 net grams of carbs.  If you use pre-shredded cheese, you'll probably need to add 2g or 3g to your total. If you shred it yourself, you'll be golden! Pepperoni, tuna, ground beef, bacon, or chicken ought to be carb-free. For any other added toppings, just add in whatever carbs they contain, if any. I simply enjoy cheese and pepperoni, so 10g-carb pizza is good for me!!

Mini Pumpkin Hand Pies

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! One more pumpkin day to go!

I didn't make anything yesterday, because I have officially run out of pumpkin. Ten cans lasted me a good while, though. Now that I've experimented so fully with pumpkin, I am going to choose my favorite recipes for taking to my various Thanksgiving dinners. I will make a traditional pumpkin pie one day (because you just have to), the Pumpkin Chocolate Cheesecake Bars for another and Pumpkin danishes for breakfast on another. Today - if I get around to buying more pumpkin today - I'm going to try one last recipe I was sent to try. But before I get to that...

Mini Pumpkin Hand Pies!

(Why they are called Hand Pies, I don't know. I guess because you sort of use your hands to seal them?)

I used this recipe shared by Sugar and Charm on tablespoon.com, linked to me by my sister-in-law. (Phew! That was a lot of links.)

Rather than use round biscuit cutters, though, I used some cheap Thanksgiving cookie cutters I got for 69¢ at the Dollar General. Acorns, leaves, turkeys and pumpkins. So cute!


I won't copy the recipe here since it's all there in the link (and I always feel like I'm plagiarizing if I copy a recipe), but they were really easy to make. Just cut shapes out of chilled uncooked pie crust, fill with a small spoonful of filling (pumpkin purree, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and heavy cream - see the recipe) and seal with a fork. Don't overfill them, though, because they will ooze out the edges while you're sealing. Mix up some egg with cinnamon and sugar for the glaze before baking.

Fifi, who normally loves pumpkin pie, didn't like them. Lolly, who doesn't like pumpkin pie to start with, helped me make these. I think Fifi didn't like that they had too much crust and not enough pumpkin. But I liked them, and so did all the other adults I shared them with. So oh well. Fun to make with kids, maybe not fun for kids to eat. Maybe mine are just picky.

I settled down after bedtime with one of these on Monday night, a dollop of pumpkin pie whipped cream and a pumpkin pie spice coffee. Mmmm. Autumny.

A Better Pumpkin Hot Chocolate Recipe

Since my previous (and disastrous) pumpkin hot chocolate attempt, I've been wanting to try my own version. It turns out, as I've come to realize, pumpkin in and of itself doesn't taste like much and it's the spices that make all the difference. So here's my (much tastier) hot chocolate recipe.

Pumpkin Hot Chocolate



1 1/2 cups unsweetened Silk brand coconut milk (carton NOT CANNED, and any other brand would do)
1 tablespoon cocoa powder
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon pumpkin puree
1 small handful semi-sweet chocolate chips
whipped cream (I used pumpkin pie flavored)
cinnamon for sprinkling (if you want to add cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice to the recipe, I'd add only 1/2 tsp)

Combine coconut milk, cocoa powder, sugar, pumpkin, and chocolate chips (and cinnamon/ pumpkin spice if desired) into a microwave safe mug and heat for 2 minutes, stirring halfway through. Top with whipped cream and sprinkle cinnamon over the top.

This recipe could easily be de-pumpkinized by just leaving out pumpkin puree and the cinnamon spices and sprinkling the top with cocoa. And marshmallows. If I'd had marshmallows, they'd be in there too.

It's not too sweet so if you love super sweet hot chocolate, consider using sweetened coconut milk (or sweetened soy milk would work). I like the vague coconuty taste, and in fact, sprinkling a little coconut over the whipped cream would probably be nice too. Enjoy!

The Science of Pumpkin: Devil's Food (Pumpkin) Cupcakes

I consider myself an adequate, even good, baker. I can make delicious cookies, cakes, and breads from scratch. But I'm also a busy mum and have no shame in the fact that unless it's an occasion (or a weird month long food fetish), I will often resort to a mix. I learned long ago (from my own mom, passing down kitchen wisdom) that the oil in a cake mix can be replaced with applesauce for a less fattening option. (Now that I *on a good day* *obviously not this month* eat a low carb, high fat diet, I don't feel so grossed out by oil, but still.) After baking with pumpkin for nearly a month now, I feel I've come to be a bit of an expert on the science of how pumpkin interacts with baked goods. So I wanted to test my pumpkin hypothesis and see if it acts similarly to oil like I predicted. I bought a Devil's Food cake mix for 99¢ at Kroger and made cupcakes.


I simply followed the directions on the back of the box - combine mix, 3 eggs, 1 cup of water and instead of 1/3 cup of oil, 1/3 cup of pumpkin puree. I whisked it all up with a hand blender, and the batter appeared to have the right consistency. I taste-tested the whisk... tasted good to me!


And then I baked them. I baked them for the time stated on the back of the box for cupcakes, and they rose and baked throughout just as they were supposed to. The science behind it had worked!


But. How would they taste? Pumpkiny? Weird?


Drum roll please. They. Were. Perfect. I've used this particular mix before with oil and with applesauce. Both ways turn out great cupcakes. But perhaps it's just my obsession speaking, but I felt the pumpkin added a smooth velvety-ness that the other two ingredients don't quite match. They were a wonderful texture - not too light but not too dense - and were just... smooth. That's the best word I can come up with. I topped them with a can of chocolate buttercream frosting and oh man they are so good.

After baking my first dozen, I mixed the remaining batter with cinnamon to see if I could bring out the pumpkin taste. I would've used pumpkin pie spice, but surprise surprise, I've run out this month! I think I added just 1/2 tsp since it was half the batter. The cupcakes with cinnamon didn't have a very strong cinnamon taste but the subtle cinnamon flavor made me think a little more cinnamon wouldn't be too bad, and the slight spiciness made me think I should try crushed red chili peppers sometime too. Chocolate and chili - yum.


So there you go, another way to use pumpkin!

Pease Pumpkin Hot, Pease Pumpkin Cold, Pease Pumpkin in a Pot Nine Days Old

Except there is no pease because ew with the pumpkin.

Anyway.

Pumpkin Hot?

Yesterday I repeated a recipe somewhat from earlier this month; I made pumpkin oatmeal again. Only this time I remembered to put it in the Crockpot the night before. And the recipe was ever so slightly different from the Raisin Pumpkin Oatmeal. Basically no raisins and in a Crockpot.

Crockpot Pumpkin Oatmeal

Ingredients:
2 cups old-fashioned oats
2 cups milk
2 cups water
1 cup pumpkin
1 tsp (or so) pumpkin pie spice
1/2 cup brown sugar
butter

I put all of the ingredients minus the butter in the Crockpot the night before. I set it up to a timer to turn on High at 4am. It cooked on High from 4 to 6:30am when we woke up. It was perfect. A little stir and it was the PERFECT consistency. I put a little tab of butter in each bowl and didn't need to sweeten it at all. We all loved it. It fed all five of us and then some. I love warm, delicious-smelling oatmeal waking me up in the morning!

Pumpkin Cold?

Tuesday I made a Pumpkin Pie Frappe using this recipe from Peanut Butter & Peppers. I made the coffee version. This one takes a little pre-planning; you need to have some frozen coffee waiting. I realized after making this that this is the perfect way to not waste leftover coffee - freeze it! I always make half a pot yet only drink one or two cups, leaving some to get poured down the sink later after it's cold. Now I will put it in ice trays for making frappes later.

This was really, really tasty. Just please pay attention to the fact that the recipe calls for coconut milk IN A CARTON, not the kind in a can. Canned coconut milk is for cooking, not for drinking.

Though you can get the recipe from the link, I'm posting it here using my own measurements, since I made a few slight changes.


Ingredients:
10 cubes of frozen coffee, partially thawed*
2 tbsp pumpkin puree
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 1/2 tsp Truvia**
1/2 cup CARTON Coconut milk, NOT CANNED

Put all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth. If desired, top with whipped cream and a dash of cinnamon. I didn't have any whipped cream or else I'd have tried that.

Okay notes:
* Definitely make sure your frozen coffee is partially thawed. I set mine out for, like, five minutes, and thought it was "thawed" enough. It wasn't. The blender couldn't break it up and at one point it actually shot a huge piece of ice (with frappe all over it) right into my eye! It pretty much hurt. And yes, the lid was on. I turned off the blender, opened it up to stir the ice that had gotten trapped and inertia or something caused the ice cube to shoot out of the blender and attempt to blind me. Damn physics. So yeah, partially thaw first.

Also, next time I'll just put in all the ice cubes. I was afraid it would be too strong with so much coffee, but I think it would've been fine.

** The original recipe has the measurements for Stevia. Stevia and Truvia are not the same so I had to do some math to figure out the Truvia amount (which is what I had). 1 teaspoon of Stevia is equal to 1 cup of sugar, and 1 cup of sugar is equal to 1 1/2 teaspoons of Truvia. I only put 1 1/4 tsp in my frappe and it wasn't quite sweet enough, so I'd recommend using the full 1 1/2 teaspoons, unless you prefer things not very sweet.

This was really good. I will definitely make it again. I've got frozen coffee in trays right now! And I think I'll get some whipped cream for next time too.

Oh, and don't like the idea of opening an entire can of pumpkin just to take out 2 tablespoons? Well, if none of these other recipes can inspire you, use the rest of the pumpkin in cornbread or dump it in a chili.

Pumpkin in a Pot Nine Days Old?

Erm, no, gross, but warm in a mini muffin pan? Sure!

This recipe from A Beautiful Mess for Sour Cream Pumpkin Muffins was yet another recipe sent to me on Facebook. I'm amazed at how so many recipes including pumpkin have been so good! These are super light and fluffy, not in the least bit dense or rich. They have a slight Fall taste to them due to the cinnamon and nutmeg, but it's not overpowering. I chose to make these in my Mini Muffin Pan, mainly just because I don't get enough opportunities to use my Mini Muffin Pan, so the only thing that really changed with this recipe was the baking time. I thought these being small would mean I'd eat less of them, but it actually just means I pop one in my mouth every time I walk into the kitchen. I must put them away. After I eat one more. Maybe two.

I did everything according to the recipe except decrease the baking time to about 15 minutes, so I'm not going to recopy the recipe. Just look it up here. These would be delicious for breakfast (especially full sized), maybe with some walnuts or blueberries tossed in? Mmm, I might have to do this recipe again and experiment with extras. Apple bits, banana, strawberry, gosh ANYTHING would taste good in these!

Honestly. All three of these recipes: Go and make them.

More and More Pumpkin

I have a confession - for two days I missed my pumpkin challenge.  Saturday and Sunday were so busy that no pumpkining occurred.  I tried, but time got away from me. I've been in some kind of crazy nesting mood - if I didn't know better, I'd be a bit worried I was pregnant! (I'm not, by the way.)  But over the weekend, the urge struck me to finally paint those hunter green flea market end tables I was complaining about last time. Technically I should have sanded them first, but I didn't, and I'm going to pretend I don't care.  They probably need another coat of paint, but I'll save that for another night. I also might need to lacquer them but again, that'll be the next burst of energy.



I also started my Christmas crafting this weekend. And I also decided to reorganize all my kitchen cabinets and incorporate a little more yellow to match my new dishes. So basically, baking and cooking just got totally forgotten amongst all the painting and cleaning.

Yellow candles, 75¢ each, on my wedding candlesticks from the Rudds.
Pampered Chef Trifle Bowl filled with lemons. Because lemons are yellow.Pumpkin lemonade, anyone?

My yellow chair and bananas. Because bananas are yellow.

Yellow hand towel, $2 or something, from bathroom section.
I'm on the lookout for a yellow kettle now.

Now, I do have three pumpkin recipes to update you on. The first was my pumpkin chili. I was certain I took a photo of it, but seeing as I can't find it, I clearly didn't. My pumpkin chili recipe was literally my normal chili recipe with a half cup of pumpkin. It made it a little thicker, I think, but there was no change in taste. It's not worth buying pumpkin for, but if you have pumpkin leftover that you don't know what to do with (for instance, if you made a recipe that only called for 1/2 cup or a tablespoon or something), it's a good way of using it up.

Pumpkin Chili
1 lb ground beef, browned
2 cans of dark red kidney beans
2 cans of diced tomatoes
1/2 cup pumpkin (you could put in a full cup, but I just used what I had leftover from the last recipe)
garlic cloves
1 heaping tablespoon of beef stock paste
2 tablespoons of taco seasoning (roughly... I don't measure it out, I just pour a whole lot in)

Throw it all into the crockpot and serve however you like to eat chili. I like it with Fritos and cheese, or over rice, or even over a tortilla.

The next night I made Pumpkin Cake.  This was an old recipe I've had in my recipe scrapbook for one hundred years (give or take), so I don't know where it came from. I feel like I got the recipe from Kathy Freeman. It is the most delightfully moist, scrumptious cake ever. We basically lived on this all weekend while Scott tackled the new expansion of World of Warcraft and I tackled the world of arts-and-craft.

(Speaking of World of Warcraft, have I mentioned that I'm the best wife ever?)

Surprised Scott with this the night the expansion came out.

Pumpkin Cake


Ingredients:
1 16oz can pumpkin puree
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cup oil
4 eggs
2  cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
3 tsp cinnamon

Mix wet ingredients first, then mix dry and add dry to wet.  Grease pan and bake at 350° for 1 hour. I like mine in a bundt pan.  I also made an apple cider glaze to go over the top - just powdered sugar and apple cider. I don't know the actual measurements because I just poured until it was the right consistency.  The apple cider glaze was AMAZING.

Skip two days and yesterday I made Pumpkin Chocolate Cheesecake Bars from Keep It Sweet Desserts, another recipe linked to me on Facebook. I tried to make these to take with me to work last night and share with my coworkers, but I failed to realize after baking they needed to be refrigerated for at least 4 hours. So I'll bring them with me to work tonight... if I don't eat them all first. These are YUM.

The only difference between my version and the recipe is I made a graham cracker crust instead of gingersnaps, only because I couldn't find gingersnaps at the store. And I also nearly DESTROYED the whole thing by accidentally pouring in ALMOND EXTRACT instead of vanilla. The bottles look the same! I don't measure out my vanilla, I just dollop it in and as soon as I did and the color was clear instead of brown, I realized my mistake and immediately scooped out the whole area I'd poured into with a big spoon. I think some of it still seeped into the mixture but not enough to ruin the batch. I could still smell almond and when I tasted the batter, it faintly tasted almondy, but the finished product tasted fine. Whew!

Pumpkin Chocolate Cheesecake Bars

1
 These may not make it all day.

Pumpkinpalooza Times Two

Yesterday was a somewhat busy day, and by the time I realized dinner time was approaching, I had nothing prepared. I'd gotten off menu over the past few days, so I'd already made the designated curry for Monday night. I also didn't have a pumpkin recipe planned, because that too had gone off menu and already been made. So I robbed Peter to pay Paul - or whatever that phrase is. I took Thursday's Carrot Pumpkin Soup recipe and quickly chopped, sauteed, boiled and blended a delicious soup.






I found the recipe here on Hello Giggles and followed it pretty closely, except for the seasoning. I'm not a big fan of curry powder flavor and was pretty sure the kids would not be either. I also did not fancy adding nutmeg, so I just seasoned it with salt and a little crushed red pepper.

It was very yummy and is definitely going on the Make Again list.

Also, I wish that my house had better lighting, and my camera took better pictures. I'm always jealous of everyone else's food photography.

Anyway.


Then this morning, I made the MOST DELICIOUS PUMPKIN CREAM CHEESE DANISH in the world. This recipe from Lauren's Latest was linked to me on Facebook by one of the many friends who have started connecting the name Lori to the word Pumpkin. I followed this recipe perfectly too. The filling was actually twice what I needed so I made two danish logs. Scott and I may or may not have eaten one of them entirely by ourselves...

Again, most DEFINITELY on the Make Again list. Make Again Soon. Make Again All The Time.



And if all this pumpkin lately just isn't your thing, maybe a cute black cat in a basket is?

The Worst Hot Chocolate These Lips Have Ever Touched

No offense to the lady who put this recipe online.  I actually can't even bring myself to link to the recipe, because I don't want to defame this woman or discredit her blog.  But it was awful. AWFUL.  I took one sip and spit it out. It was awful. I even double checked the recipe to make sure I hadn't skipped an ingredient or put in the wrong measurements, but I followed it perfectly. I'm so sad.  I was so excited about pumpkin hot chocolate.  Really just excited about hot chocolate in general.  Yuck. Sad.

The recipe was unsweetened almond milk, pumpkin puree, cocoa powder, maple syrup and almond extract. Sounded beautiful. Smelled beautiful. Tasted horrible. Sad.

The Most Depressing Film I've Ever Watched... But First, Pancakes

Yesterday we made pumpkin pancakes for brunch. They were pretty tasty, especially drenched in maple syrup. I used this recipe from Allrecipes.com. Everyone liked them, and Lolly even claimed they were the best pancakes ever. However, she says that about every pancake she's ever eaten, and I'm pretty sure Scott still holds the Pancake King title in this household.

I'm liking finding new ways to use pumpkin, but it's definitely meant eating a LOT more baked goods and carb-loaded foods than we are used to. We haven't been on a strict keto diet for a while, but we've developed primarily low-carb eating habits over the year. Between the Halloween candy and the Pumpkinpalooza, the good habits we have formed are quickly falling away. I'm still going to finish my pumpkin challenge, but I'm going to cut back on all the rest of the unhealthy food we've gotten back into eating. If a pumpkin recipe a day is the only carbs we eat, that ought to be all right.

Now, speaking of unhealthy foods, we watched Food Inc last night. It was horrendous. I'd been putting off watching it, because I knew it would upset me. I mean, I already knew our food was bad and our practices are inhumane, but I didn't really want it confirmed. I didn't want to actually face it or see it. It's easier to stay in denial.  We decided to watch it last night, though, and both Scott and I were utterly horrified. We have decided the entire human race is awful.  Agent Smith was absolutely right:

I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague.

The way we treat animals, other human beings and the environment is atrocious. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, the cars we drive, the petrol we run those cars on, the housing materials we build our homes with - everything is made by exploiting fellow human beings, killing off and abusing animals and destroying the earth and its atmosphere. It was the most depressing film I've ever watched, and that's saying something.

We aren't rich and we live on a budget, but Scott and I decided last night we have to do something, even if it's just a little tiny thing that barely makes any difference. We're going to start with buying grass-fed, free-range chicken and eggs, and seriously cutting back on our corn product consumption for our kids. (Scott and I don't eat cereals and grains very often, but our kids still do.)  One of the farmers on the film commented that people balk at paying $3 for a dozen free-range eggs, while drinking a 75¢ can of Coke. It won't make even a dent in the global problem, but it will hopefully make a small difference somewhere, even if only to our little family.

If you haven't watched this movie, I suggest you put away all junk food and sit down to make yourself watch this. It's on Netflix, if you have Netflix. We have managed to get warning labels put on packs of cigarettes (going up against tobacco giants), and now we must do something about inhumane food practices.

(Yet even saying that is depressing, because I know we won't. The collective "we". Society. We'd all rather save a buck than think about the illegal workers who are hired and brought over by US companies on the agreement with the government that they can then arrest a certain number of those individuals if they turn a blind eye to what the companies are actually doing. We'd all rather save a buck than think about the farmers whose hands are tied into treating their animals inhumanely, because they will lose everything if they don't. A dollar saved is worth more to us than the men, women and children being oppressed behind that dollar. Unbelievably depressing.)

Check the Wanted Ads

A few weeks ago, a woman who used to work at the community center passed away. One of my co-workers began arranging food and casseroles for the family, liaising with the family's church to arrange food for every night of the week for several weeks. It was very touching to see so many people rallying around a family in their time of grief. I began wondering if anyone would rally around my family if tragedy ever struck. We have some friends, but we don't have a church or a community like that to jump in when times are tough.

If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that there are things about church that I miss. I haven't been to church in about ten months - with the exception of my niece's dedication - and for the most part, I haven't missed it. But there are aspects of church that I do miss.

Community
A little while ago, a friend of mine said the thing she misses most about church is the community. At the time, I couldn't relate. I didn't miss the church politics, the gossip disguised as prayer requests, or the hypocrisy at all.  I was still too close to the grief and anger to remember anything other than those things about church. But as time has healed the hurt, I have begun to remember all the good things about the church community: the get-togethers, the automatic friendships, the common bond. While I don't at all miss the religion part, I do miss the community. I miss belonging to a group. I miss knowing that there are casserole coordinators who would feed my family for a little while if I were to die and leave Scott in charge of the kitchen.

Group Singing
I love singing. If you ever pass me on the freeway, it's unlikely I'll even notice you because I'll be too busy singing along to the radio at the top of my lungs to see you waving wildly. My favorite part of church was the praise and worship time, because I love to sing. I loved leading the worship at church too, because I love to sing. I have yet to find anything short of live concerts in the secular world where corporate singing is normal. I should join a choir.

Potlucks
Okay, the reasons are getting a little frivolous here, but seriously. No one outside church does potlucks! Why is that? I love making something interesting and creative to share with a group - and I love eating all the interesting and creative things everyone else has brought. I miss church potlucks. I especially miss that person who always cheated and brought in the bucket of KFC chicken legs. I miss the three different varieties of baked beans, the cheese dip, the potato salads, the mystery casseroles and the entire table full of desserts. And the banana pudding. Oh, someone always brings banana pudding. Bless the person who brings the banana pudding!

(And bless my book club, because they sort of do potlucks too.)

Dresses
See? Getting frivolous! But seriously, I miss having an excuse to get dressed up on Sunday mornings. I miss having the excuse to dress my kids up on Sunday mornings. I miss having the excuse to buy a new dress in Spring because of Easter. Sure, I can wear dresses any day of the week if I want, but I miss having a really good reason to. I liked it being part of my weekly routine.

So segue into...

Today I attended my second MOPS meeting - Mothers Of Preschoolers. I went a few weeks ago for the first time with a new friend Victoria, and this was the next meeting on the schedule. Last time was a craft day, so I was curious to see what the discussion day would be like. Would it be super churchy? Would I feel out of place? I was actually feeling pretty nervous about it.

Somehow last time, by simply sitting at the first table with spare chairs, I ended up getting myself assigned to that table. Earlier in the week I was included in a group text from an unknown number saying it was our table's turn to bring food. I didn't even know I was a part of a table, but I love bringing food! Potlucks! So I offered to bring something (pumpkin of course) to contribute. I got up this morning early enough to get make-up on and put on a cute outfit (new skinny jeans, heels, a cute dress, infinity scarf), and I made apple pumpkin breakfast cookies*. I was really quite excited about all of this!

When I arrived, the nerves hit me like crazy. My hands were actually shaking as I put out the cookies on my pretty three-tiered cake stand. Why was I so nervous?

I am not entirely sure, but I think it was because I really, really wanted to like MOPS. And I was afraid I wouldn't.

It has so many of those qualities of church that I miss. The community especially. I really want to make new friends, socialize my son more, and have a thing I regularly go to. I am so desperate for a community  But I felt very vulnerable.

My thoughts were things like these:

Will they still like me when they find out I'm not a Christian?

Will they accept me when they find out I'm not one of them?

Will they view me with suspicion or keep me at arms length if I use the A-word?

Will they try to (re)convert me?

Am I going to end up considered a missionary project, rather than a friend?

I was already prepared for the praying and the Bible verses, and I was okay with all of that being a part of the group's purpose. I just worried about fitting in. Believe it or not, being anything other than some denomination of Christian makes it very hard to fit in here in the South.

So after I shakily put out my cookies, I filled my own plate with the Orange Table's delicious homebaked goodies and poured myself a cup of coffee and took my seat at "my" table. Victoria was already there, giving me someone to talk to and chill out a bit with. We small talked around the table before the announcements started, and then we had a speaker. The speaker was rather entertaining - he did a magic show which he then tied up with the topic of discussion "Taking Risks". Then it became table discussion time. The table leader went through four discussion questions like "When did you take a risk?" and "How will you teach your kids to take risks?" Girls at the table, timidly at first, spoke up to answer some questions, and eventually the conversation began to flow a little more. Nothing ground-breaking was said, but I got the feeling that a few people who needed to speak got the opportunity to do so, and I was touched by that. Afterwards, someone suggested arranging a table-wide play date with our kids. By the time we left, I felt I'd made a few acquaintances and had three new events to mark tentatively on my calendar - a play date, the Ladies' Night Out and the Christmas party. I even caught a couple of names.

I'm feeling optimistic about this group. I enjoyed it this morning, and I think I'll go ahead and join. I still feel nervous, afraid of how things could possibly change once it comes out that I'm atheist. But as my friend Esther said tonight at our kids' swimming lessons, if they don't accept me, they aren't acting like Christians. It was comforting hearing that come from a Christian, because while I know that this is true, and while I myself had tons of non-Christian friends when I was a Christian, I also can't help but notice how un-accepting some people can really be. It sucks being vulnerable; it's hard walking into a room full of people, knowing you are different, especially in such a culturally unwelcome way, and hoping to make friends.

I just want a community again. One with no strings attached. And singing, they need to add singing.


****

Apple Pumpkin Breakfast Cookies!!

I had picked out a recipe for Paleo Pumpkin Breakfast Cookies, but when I actually went to make them, I realized the recipe called for a few things I didn't have, like almond butter. So I searched and searched for a recipe that included ingredients I already had, and finally came across this one from Nestle (boo, hiss!). I didn't have every single ingredient, but I had enough substitutes to make it work. I ended up adapting the Nestle recipe somewhat and the end result was Apple Pumpkin Breakfast Cookies. They were very good, especially straight out of the oven! They are a little cakier than I wanted, and stickier because of the apple sauce, but still really yummy. The recipe makes over 5 dozen, so we actually have quite a few left. Someone needs to come over stat and eat them for us.

Ingredients (after adaptation)
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/3 cups quick oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup applesauce
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 apple, cored and finely chopped (peeled if desired, but I liked the flecks of red color)

Mix dry ingredients - flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in small bowl. In larger bowl, beat butter, applesauce, brown and white sugar on medium speed until well combined. Beat in pumpkin, egg and vanilla just until mixed. Mix in apple. Scoop onto a greased cookie sheet and bake each batch for about 14 minutes at 350°F. Cool on wire racks.

I used a medium scoop and got five dozen and four cookies out of this recipe. And like I said, straight from the oven, these are heavenly. At room temperature, they are a little sticky, so I'm going to refrigerate them tonight to see what texture they come out when cold. Pretty good recipe. Will I make them again? Maybe. Maybe if I get invited to another potluck.