Wednesday, February 28, 2007


Poor Fifi is feeling a bit out of sorts because of her cold. The health visitor was here this morning and put my mind at rest a bit about it, but I'm still sad for my little girl. She's doing okay, though, and isn't running a fever anymore (or at least not since I last checked). She's sleeping soundly in her Cuddle-U and snoring.

We got her a few things today - a bath seat so we can bathe her more easily, some books, some rattles, a thermometer (okay, that was for my own benefit) and some different shaped soothers. These are supposed to be 'closer to nature' so she might take them better.

I don't have anything worth saying anymore, do I? Yeah, I just watch a lot of Scrubs.

Here: Pictures! This is what you really want.

All 9lbs 6oz of her!

Self portraits!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Four Weeks Old

I'm allowed to drive. I phoned the insurance company, and they don't have any restrictions on driving after having a baby, so this morning I drove for the first time. I even left Fifi with Scott and my mom for twenty minutes. I went to Morrison's to pick up flowers and a card for my midwife as today was our last appointment together and also her birthday (happy birthday, Allison!). It was liberating, if not a bit terrifying, to be away from her. I couldn't have managed any longer than that twenty minutes, though, as I worried that she would get hungry the whole time I was out.

Which brings me to the point that I am now ready to attempt feeding her with expressed breastmilk in a bottle - ON OCCASION. I love our time together feeding, and I don't want to give that up at all. I want her to maintain a preference for the breast, so I won't be offering her a bottle very often at all. But I'm also concerned that if I don't introduce a bottle soon, it'll be too dificult to get her onto one later. Maybe that's not a big deal, as I don't see any problem with moving her from the breast straight to solids whenever that time may come, but a bottle will make it easier for me to leave her for an hour without worrying the whole time. So anyway, I'm going to start it tomorrow, I think, after her morning feed, expressing.

I'm also a bit worried that she may have a bit of a cold. She's too young for a cold! She's been sneezing a lot, and they've been a bit snotty. No! This makes my heart break into a million pieces. Girlfriend is only four weeks old.

Today! Four weeks old today! She's beautiful and looks cute now in her cloth nappies.

She's crying now so I'm gonna go cuddle her. Grandma has her right now, but my heart is upset and her nose is sounding way too congested and I might need to rush her to the A&E.....

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Mum Lessons

After the Pooh Explosion 2007 disaster at IKEA on Saturday, I have learned to:
-always keep SEVERAL extra nappies in her bag
-always have a GOOD supply of wipes
-always keep an extra outfit in her bag and
-the sample sized Dettol given me in her free Bounty newborn bag is really useful for public changing rooms.

I have learned that.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Meeting Mamaw and Other Various Boring Things To Make a Full Post Out Of

My mom arrived safely yesterday, so Fifi has finally met her mamaw. Hopefully she'll meet her papaw soon (May is the plan).

Mamaw and Fifi

It's really nice having my mom here. Fifi is getting spoiled rotten between the three of us all wanting to hold her all the time.

My mom also came bearing many gifts. Her Aunty Kristen and Uncle Danny bought her a Cuddle-U, which she loves. (Aunty K and Uncle D also bought Mummy Season One of Felicity, which Mummy loves!)

Fifi in her Cuddle-U

Today we're off to start her savings account and get my mom's money changed at the bank, and we also might do a bit of shopping. Not that I need to be spending any money right now... what with having to buy a new washing machine and all.

Tomorrow we're going to IKEA. I can't wait!

Scott and I have registered for a free trial period of's DVD rental service. Our first DVD, Dirty Pretty Things arrived today. It's not a film I think my mom will particularly like, but we'll have to watch it soon anyway to get full use out of our free trial period. We watched I Heart Huckabees last night, and that also wasn't really Mom's cup of tea.

Fifi is doing really well. She sleeps pretty well at night, on most nights, only waking up two or three times for a feeding. She's a marvellous baby. We are incredibly blessed. I love her so much, more and more every time I look at her. And yeah, she has the best wardrobe EVER. (Gotta take pictures of some of her best stuff!)

I'm giving up ice cream for Lent. Ouch.

The End.

Monday, February 19, 2007


Our Scottish Lassie
Originally uploaded by superlori.
With Ash Wednesday and Lent right around the corner, I've been thinking some about human depravity. On Ash Wednesday, we are marked with a cross of ashes to acknowledge our mortality ("Remember you are dust, and unto dust you shall return") and as a sign of repentance.

Looking at my daughter, it's hard to see anything beyond a perfect, innocent being. But the truth is, she isn't perfect and innocent. Though she's done no right or wrong of own, she is still born into sin and with a sinful nature. She is the daughter of Eve. It's hard to look at such a beautiful person and acknowledge that she is impure and deserves no good but by the grace of God. It seems morbid and nasty to imagine that cross of ashes placed on her forehead as well, but the truth still remains: she, like all of us, is dust and to dust will return.

It's hard to think about this and accept it as true. You may find it unpleasant that I'm saying any of this - after all, what's the point in thinking about it? I believe it's something I must confront for two reasons: one, as a test of my own faith - can and do I believe the Word of God even when it tells me something as unpleasant as this? and two, to remind myself of my duty to raise this child in Christ, to have her recognise her need for a Saviour, because of her depravity.

I don't have any grand conclusions to make from this observation. It's just what I've been thinking about. The mommy-brain isn't allowing me to think anything highly spectacular in relation to this. I don't even have any suave way of ending this paragraph. It's just been important for me to recognise this truth in light of what I can see with my own eyes and comprehend with my own understanding.

None of us are righteous, not even one.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Too Much TV

All I do during my 'free' time is watch DVD box sets.

I'm on my third season of Scrubs and third season of That 70's Show. After I finish the fourth season of That 70's Show, I suppose I'll have to move onto seasons one and two of The O.C. and possibly borrow the third season from Cheryl.

I've been trying to read Fire From Heaven (which I caved and ordered), but it's so hard to hold a book one-handed while nursing a baby. It's also hard to think.

Let's just say I've got mommy-brain to the extreme.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Substitute Valentine's

Well our substitute Valentine's Day was nice, though it still didn't go as planned. I suppose that kinda goes along with a) having a baby and b) living in the rain. Fifi kept me up all night wanting to nurse and continued her desperate need for Boobie throughout the entire morning. Our cute picnic plan had to be deserted due to the lovely Scottish weather, and we never made it out of the house to rent a romantic film. Scott made us dinner - steak and potatoes - and we drank Schloer. No wine for me and my mastitis antibiotics self. Then we watched The Game. Hardly your romantic comedy, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. Then we went to bed. I forgot to give him his card. He forgot to give me the flowers he was intending to get. It was still a really nice day though, spent with the two greatest people on the planet. I'd still call it a success.

On a different subject, let's play a game.
Family Fortunes

Top 5 Things That Would Suck Should They Stop Working When You Have A Newborn:

Any guesses?

The number one answer according to our studio audience (of myself alone) is -
The Washing Machine!

Yes, folks, our washing machine is on the fritz. We discovered this yesterday when I pulled a soggy load out of it. I threw the clothes through an extra spin cycle to no avail. Hoping it was just a fluke (because I'm way too optimistic), I went ahead and put in another load, after wringing the previous load out and hanging them on the clothes horse. That second load? Ended in a massive pool of dirty water. Scott spent quite a bit of time trying to pull the items out without flooding the kitchen.

Remember all that talk about cloth nappies and what not that I was so excited about? Yeah, we still haven't gotten a chance to use them yet. We decided to just use disposables in the hospital because they were free, then after a couple of days at home using cloth, we discovered it was really irritating Fifi's cord so we decided to use disposables until the cord fell off. The cord fell off right after we'd bought an entire bag of nappies so we decided to use them up and then start the cloth again. And then our washing machine broke down. Disposables again.

In a way, I'm not too bothered. I love the cloth nappies, but both of us kinda don't like them so much for newborns. They are just so bulky on a tiny baby. I've seen cloth on a slightly older baby (one month), and they aren't nearly so cumbersome once the baby has grown a bit. But right now? They are really just too big. Even the tie-ons are too big for her tiny bum. So it's kinda okay for now. But soon and very soon, her adorable baby bum will be swathed in terry cloth bliss. But not until we figure out what we're going to do about the washing machine.

And we gotta figure that out pronto, because among the three of us, we make some serious laundry.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Busy Un-Valentine's Day

Today has been really tiring. We've been out and about all day. At 10 o'clock this morning we went into the mortgage centre to show off Fifi to all of Scott's workmates. I have to admit, I had a hard time letting fifty thousand people I've never met before handle my daughter but I made it through. We were there for an hour. We were then supposed to meet Scott's mum and some of her mates for lunch at 12, so we went home, fed and changed Fifi and headed back in to eat lunch. Again, I had to pass her around but at least it was on a lesser scale. After lunch, we came home again, and Fifi and I napped. Then, after feeding and changing her again, we went back into town to buy groceries. Let me tell you, I'm exhausted.

Today is Valentine's Day. Valentine's is one of my absolute favourite holidays. I look forward to Valentine's every year. Scott and I take turns each year planning this day, but this year, of course, the plans were superceded by, you know, having a baby. Scott planned to make us a romantic dinner and watch a romantic film, but all day we've been grouchy. It just hasn't felt Valentinesy at all. I haven't even signed the card I bought him!

So we decided to put Valentine's off until tomorrow. This makes me very happy. We're going to have a boring casserole for dinner tonight and start over tomorrow. We're going to take Fifi to Cornalees where Scott and I first held hands and maybe have a picnic or something. Then Scott'll make our romantic dinner, and we'll rent a lovey-dovey film. And I'll sign his card.

I love my family. That's my Valentine's love message for today. :)

Monday, February 12, 2007

[Breast] Milk: It Does A Baby Good

It's hard to do very much with a baby permanently attatched to your boob.

Let me first state for the record that I love breastfeeding. It's very special, and I feel good about giving Fifi the very best I can. But dude, no one told me just how exhausting it would be. Everone is so romantic about it, about how relaxing it is to just rest with your baby and bond and all that. They tell you its easy once you get the hang of it. No one talks about how atrophying it feels to sit and do nothing most of the day. No one talks about how frustrating it can be to put the baby down after an hour long feed just to hear her hungry cries ten minutes later. No one tells you about mastitis and painful engorgement and leaking profusely through a breast pad, bra and two shirts.

So I just thought I would mention those things for the uninitiated.

I do love her innocent blue eyes glancing around when she's feeding. I do love her little hands holding onto my breast and stroking it with her fingers. I love her little milky face when she's done. And I love her wildly excited grins and brightly shining eyes and uncontrollably flayling arms when she sees The Boob come out. But I was not prepared for all the physiological factors. I can see why so many people give up. It's hard.

But in case I've now put anybody off, please don't give up. It's not only the best nutrition your baby can get, it's significantly better. I won't get into all the physiological stuff about antibodies and gut flora and e-coli, I'll just say it's good practice for when they're teenagers - that is, in the sense that they are always gonna cause you a lot of pain and suffering.

(And what you can save now in formula you can put away for all those school trips and visits to the mall they're gonna want money for.)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Fifi's Birth Story

To start from the top, we had originally planned to have a home waterbirth. At 20 weeks, I was told my placenta was low lying, but as it had plenty of time to move up, we continued with our homebirth plans. However, when at 32 weeks we discovered it was still low, we began preparing ourselves for the possibility of a c-section. The 35 week scan showed it was still low, and the 36 week scan showed it was a definite marginal placenta praevia. At this point, we knew there was no other option except a cesarean. A planned section was scheduled for Friday, 2 February. I was under strict orders, however, to head straight to the hospital if I experienced any uterine activity or bleeding whatsoever.

On the Monday prior to the scheduled date, Scott and I went to the cinema to spend some fun time together. When I stood up at the end, I had an incredibly strong cramp in my lower abdomen. I thought it was probably just how the baby had positioned herself during the film and tried to walk it off. The pain instead just got worse. Since the cinema is just down the road from the hospital, Scott declared we were going straight there. It was really embarrassing explaining to the guy at reception why I was there without having called ahead or having brought my hand-held notes. I was taken to the labour ward and admitted overnight for observation.

The following morning, an obstetrician checked me over and declared me fine to go home since I'd experienced no more pain or any bleeding. I was relieved. Scott and I grabbed a quick lunch and headed home. At home I poured myself a nice, hot, relaxing bath. Five minutes in it, though, I felt like I needed the toilet. And that's when I had the first gush of blood. One hour and forty-five minutes after being discharged from the hospital on that Tuesday, I was readmitted. I spent an agonising 3 hours on the horrible monitor in the labour ward while the doctors tried to decide what to do. They finally decided to 'wait and see' and admitted me to the maternity ward. As soon as I got there, I had another massive gush of blood, but not realising I was supposed to keep it, I flushed it down the toilet and called a midwife. She told me never to flush or throw away anything as they are unable then to acertain how much blood loss I had. So once again, they said they'd wait and see what happens.

That night I passed some more blood and a large clot. I called a midwife to look at it who said, 'Oh that's normal.' 'Normal for what?' I asked, incredulously. 'It's just bloody show.' I looked her in the face and said, 'I have placenta praevia. I don't think bloody show is a very good thing at this point, is it?' She said she'd take it to show the other midwives.

No one came to see me about this clot. When finally the painkiller people came around, I asked for a midwife to come see me. The midwife told me it was just a clot and nothing to worry about. 'We just want you here in hospital so if anything happens we can take care of it.'

As you can imagine, at this point, I was in a proper state. What were they waiting for? A hemorrhage? A point of no return? I decided myself I would go ahead and fast overnight just in case a section could be done immediately. I knew that as soon as I ate something, they'd tell me they would've gone ahead and sectioned me early except that I'd eaten and now I'd have to wait. I was so worried all night. I felt something was very wrong and no one was taking me seriously. I prayed so much for Fifi that night and thought the most awful thoughts. I was a wreck.

The next morning, I didn't see a midwife until 9.30 and I didn't see a doctor until 10. I was starving. The doctor told me they were just going to 'wait and see' and possibly try to fit me in tomorrow (Thursday). When she left the room, I pulled the curtain and burst into tears. A student midwife, who was absolutely wonderful, must've heard me sobbing (though I was trying to do it into the blankets so I wouldn't be heard) and came in to try and console me. I don't know if she then told someone, but five minutes later, the same doctor came back in and said, 'Don't eat your breakfast. We're going to take you now.'

After that was a whirlwind of activity. I phoned Scott and my midwife Allison. I was shaved. (I had to cancel my wax appointment to go into hospital.) I was prepped with horrible drips in the back of my hands and given a sexy hosptial gown with no back to wear. My wedding rings (which no longer came off) and my tragus ring were taped up. Scott arrived just in time for me to be wheeled down to the labour ward.

Getting prepped for surgery was scary. I'm only thankful that I wasn't in labour at the time; my heart hurts for women who have to be prepped for emergency sections in the midst of contractions. It's horrible. A spinal anaesthesia was inserted in my back (oowww) and multiple other things. I have to admit though, the feeling of losing feeling in my legs was pretty cool. The anaesthetist did loads of interesting tests to see if the feeling in my abdomen was fading, like pouring cold water on my arm and then on my belly to see if it felt the same kind of cold, and pinching my belly hard and then pinching my arm to see if it felt the same. (It was amazing, I could feel a vague sense that there was something being poured on my belly or that my belly was being slightly touched, whereas the feeling in my arm upon the same treatment was so vivid.) My lower body felt like a rubber chicken. Finally, they hung the drape, Scott came in in his scrubs and the surgeons went to work.

Scott and a midwife talked to me throughout the procedure to help me stay calm. All I could feel were vague sensations of being touched. Next thing I knew, the anaesthetist told me, 'They're about to deliver the head.' And then, though I couldn't see anything, I heard a tiny cry. Scott and I both cried with her. They brought her around, all bloody for us to see, then quickly wiped her off and wrapped her up in a blanket. They placed her on my chest (my neck really, as there wasn't really any room). It was unbelievable. I couldn't believe she was mine. She was just this little person that I'd never met before but had known for nine months. She didn't cry at all, just stared and blinked at us. Scott held her for most of the time. At one point, I got incredibly nauseous and started throwing up, which was stressful and frustrating because I couldn't feel my stomach muscles as I threw up and felt like I was going to choke because I had no control over the urges. Finally, I was sewn back up, given my baby and wheeled out of the operating theatre with many well wishes and whatnot.

In the recovery room, they put Fifi directly on my chest for skin-to-skin contact, and once the nausea and everything was fully passed, they positioned her on my breast. She latched on perfectly right away and fed for an hour. Finally, they allowed Scott to go tell my midwife, who'd been waiting nervously for two hours outside, that all was well. Allison had worked herself into a state as well, as by the time Scott was finally given the okay to go out, it had been over two hours, and she was thinking the worst. She came in to give me a hug and everything and then had to leave to make it to an appointment. She was understandably upset and so were Scott and I that no one had had the courtesy to tell her that everything had gone perfectly and baby and I were fine.

After that, I went back up to the maternity ward where they kept me until Friday. Allison came by every day for my postnatal checks. Once I had the baby, being in hospital wasn't bad at all, as I had tons of support and a million people to ask first-time-mum questions. I was told I'd be discharged on Saturday or Sunday, but the midwife on staff on Friday told me I could go home then. So on Friday afternoon, we took Fifi home and started our lives together as a little family for real.

All in all, though nothing really went according to plan, it's so true what everyone says - it doesn't matter how they come out, as long as they come out healthy and safely. I don't regret what happened now. I'm just glad my little Fifi is healthy and made it into this world without any danger and trauma. It no longer matters so much that I had to have a c-section. I have my beautiful baby, and for that I thank God so, so much.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Baby Talk

Getting burped
Originally uploaded by superlori.
Last night was a significantly better night than the night before. The night before, Fifi kept us up ALL NIGHT crying and wanting to be fed. My boobs wanted to cry right along with her. Scott took her downstairs for an hour so I could get a quick nap (a nap! a nighttime!). We were a little exhausted. Last night was the complete opposite; I fed her and put us both down for 10pm, and she only woke up a few times for a change and a feed.

Yesterday we took our first outing out of the house. I was seriously feeling the cabin fever so my midwife said I could go out for a very short outing, as long as I didn't walk around much and took it easy. I needed a couple things in the shops so out we went. Scott put Fifi in the sling, and oh my goodness, you would not believe the amount of attention we got from everyone, women and old folks especially. (Or do all people with babies get bombarded by everyone who passes them?) I can't say we didn't love it. We were only out for maybe an hour, but I realised it really was too much for me. I keep forgetting I've had major abdominal surgery... Anyway, it was good to get out and now I'm happy to stay in the house the rest of the week.

I'm going to start on my thank you cards. I'm going to try to blog her birth story soon.

I can't concentrate any longer on trying to write anything here. Sorry. I don't even know what I've just written. My brain is, well, mushy.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

A Free Moment

I always love when bloggers are pregnant but then inevitably they disappear when the baby is born. For good reason, I'm learning.

I wake up (as in put on clothes and call it a start) around 7am and I don't manage to properly get into bed until around 1am. Yet what do I do with all these 'daytime' hours? Nurse, change nappies, nap, change nappies, nurse, change nappies, etc. I don't have time for much else. (Sometimes, I eat.) (Sometimes I lovingly stare in disbelief at my daughter.)

So I'm sorry for the lack of blog action. I'll try to keep up with the Flickr action so at least you can be satiated by all the gorgeous pictures of my perfect daughter. Right now, Scott and I are taking advantage of Fifi sleeping by watching Gremlins (Scott's pick), cuddling, drinking Buck's Fizz and (me) blogging. Trying to kill as many birds with one stone as possible, see.

I'll try to find a moment sometime soon to blog some real updatey kinda things. Along with all the other things on my To Do list.

Fi is so awesome.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Home With Fifi

Hello all!

I'm back home, and a lot earlier than expected too! One thing about hospitals (so it seems) is you get a different response to the same issue every shift change. For instance, the doctor yesterday told me I could expect to go home Saturday or Sunday; the staff midwife this morning told me I could go home today. Since she was the one on duty, I went with her advice!

Same with why Fifi was born two days early; all the surgeons and obstetricians were gonna make me wait until Friday (more details later, I promise), then one doctor on Wednesday morning told me not to eat my breakfast and to call my partner - they'd get me in that morning.

Quickly, since you'll be wondering why Wednesday instead of Friday, Monday night, after trying to tick off 'spend quality time with my husband' from the To Do list, I started feeling abdominal pains at the cinema. When they didn't go away, Scott insisted we head to hospital, just in case. Seeing as the hospital is two minutes from the cinema, I didn't argue. They kept me overnight for observation, but the pains went away and all seemed fine so they sent me home Tuesday morning. Scott and I came home, I got in the bath, and then suddenly I started bleeding. LOTS. So, an hour and a half after being discharged, I was admitted back into the hospital. Then started the waiting. After two more heavy bleeds on Tuesday, the Lovely Doctor on Wednesday agreed to stop all the Mean Doctors' 'Wait And See'-ing and slotted me in for that morning. Thus Fifi was brought into the world. I'm so glad we were given these two extra days of life to spend with her!

I'll give the whole story later, but for now, I have a baby I want to play with. She's an expert feeder and likes to nurse pretty much all day long. She gets quite cross when I make her stop because my nipples need a breather. Other than the crossness, she is the most contented, quiet and perfect baby in the universe. Yes, she's better than yours. ;)

(But I can't expect YOU to see that!)

Thanks for all the lovely comments. I'm gonna go join the family cuddle now.